I shifted in bed, unable to find a position that wasn’t achy. “Why would you even ask?”
“Ryan’s been there a lot. I didn’t want to intrude.” He sounded frustrated, or angry.
“Don’t be ridiculous. If you don’t come tomorrow I’ll be seriously offended.”
“Right after school?” he asked.
“I’ll be here.”
Life continued outside my room, but my world was reduced to sleeping, vomiting, and bloody noses. Mom had decided that Lauren knowing wasn’t a disaster after all, because Lauren listened to her complaints and added her own gripes.
“Ugh! I don’t know how you can sit here all day without going crazy!” said Lauren. She was currently using the only free floor space to do yoga.
“Try staying overnight,” added Mom.
I shut my eyes. Lauren’s bouncing around wasn’t helping my stomach.
“Mia, you’ve got to eat. Lauren, tell her to eat.”
“Eat,” ordered Lauren.
I kept my eyes shut and ignored them. When I wasn’t actively throwing up, I felt like throwing up.
Mom sighed and continued, “We’ll have to let Dr. Kevin know that these antinausea drugs aren’t working. Skinny’s a good look for you, but not heroin chic.”
“I should be so lucky,” grumbled Lauren, flipping upright. “Seriously, how do you not go crazy trapped in here all day?”
I was too defeated to do more than look at them.
Gyver came and held my hand. He made me a new playlist and explained the brilliance in song arrangements while I nodded like I understood.
“Do you need help with school? Calc’s gotten pretty brutal, but I can try to explain it.”
“I can’t. Reading makes me sick. Everything makes me sick.” I gave him a pity-me smile.
“You know, you were more fun as the patient when we played doctor in second grade,” Gyver teased.
I returned a weak echo of his wicked grin, too tired to smack him. “You’re awful.”
“Speaking of awful, want me to read you The Stranger?”
I fell asleep soon after. When I woke, Ryan was the one holding my hand.
His phone was ringing. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly, pressing a button to silence it.
“S’okay,” I answered with a yawn.
“Can I get you anything?” He’d shifted his arm around my shoulder—cautious of the tubes dripping chemicals into my chest.
My mouth was covered with sores—another side effect of chemo that was worse this time. The idea of eating was repulsive, but the alternative was intravenous nutrients and a longer hospital stay. “Could you get me a milkshake from the cafeteria? Vanilla.”
“Kitten, I can go,” Mom stood.
Ryan stopped her. “I’ve got it.” He was always asking to go get something: a cup of ice, coffee for Dad, herbal tea for Mom. And I’d recognized that he needed these breaks. But his visits had gotten progressively longer, and he no longer kept his hands in his pockets or flinched each time a nurse approached. Still, I wondered if he was proving something to me … or to himself.
“He’s such a good boyfriend,” Mom said proudly, like it was something she’d accomplished. One of the nurses had taught her to knit, and she churned out scarves like an adding-machine tape. Her needles clicked with anxious energy—a sound that intruded into my dreams and set my teeth on edge.
“He’s not …,” I started, then decided it wasn’t worth it to explain—again. I shut my eyes. If I pretended to sleep, she usually shut up.
There was a new nighttime nurse on the floor. His name was Mark, and I got to know him since I didn’t sleep normal hours. It was totally sexist that I learned his real name, but the only nickname I could come up with was Hot Nurse. Plus, being the only male gave him an advantage. He was in his late twenties and very honest—he was a perk of insomnia. The only perk.
“It’s good to see you do have female friends,” he commented one night.
Dad slept in a chair; his loud snores overpowered the click of machinery. Southern Nurse was at the station in case anything came up. Mark and I played Go Fish.
“What? Of course.” I laid down a pair of eights. Lauren had stopped by today, but she had plans with Ally and Hil, so the visit lasted just long enough for her to give me the play-by-play of how her lab partner was absent and she got to join hot Ben’s group.
“How come this is the first time I’ve seen one visit? That’s the gossip at the nurses’ station: Mia Moore has two boyfriends who come visit her every day. Threes?”