Send Me a Sign

“She told Chris about some deal you guys made to stay single. I couldn’t get it out of my head during math. I didn’t hear a thing Mrs. Kim said.” He grinned and leaned in, kissing close.

 

This would be the perfect place for one of my faux laughs. I could dismiss his suggestion and push things back to the status quo with one melodic giggle. I opened my mouth, but the sound that came out was a mutated squeak-gasp.

 

“So, can I be your deal breaker?” He brushed his lips across mine.

 

“No.” My voice was small. I ducked under his arm and fled.

 

“No, you don’t want to? Or no, because of Hil’s pact?” Ryan grabbed my lunch and followed me toward the cafeteria, where superficial conversation about classes, teachers, and who had gotten hot—or not—over the summer waited to shift things back toward normal.

 

“I-I don’t know. Let me think about it.” My frantic fingers sought my necklace.

 

“Ouch! You need to think about it? You’re breaking my heart.” Ryan feigned a stagger and clutched his chest. When I didn’t smile, his expression turned serious. And stormy. “Fine. Think about it and let me know what you decide.”

 

He handed me my lunch and walked off to join Chris, Bill, and the rest of the soccer players. I scanned the cafeteria for some sort of sign and jumped when Ally linked her arm through mine.

 

“Hey! I haven’t seen you all morning! How’s your day? Anything exciting happen?”

 

I lied. “Just typical school stuff. Boring. How about you?”

 

 

 

“How’d you manage to domesticate Ryan?” The voice was Hillary’s, and it wasn’t happy. She looked like a doll—with her perfect, petite body and oversized eyes—but her current mood was anything but playful. She and Ally waited at my locker after the final bell.

 

“Why? What’d you hear?” I thought the afternoon had been uneventful. Apparently not.

 

Lauren joined us, clutching a bouquet of sunflowers that Hil or Ally must’ve given her to celebrate the first day of school—her first day as Autumn Girl. “What’s up?” she asked.

 

“Ryan told Chris he asked Mia to be his girlfriend. Then Chris told Hil. Can you believe it?” Ally’s eyes were bright with excitement and gossip.

 

“No,” said Lauren, wide-eyed. “Really? Wow. Good job, Mia.”

 

“Good job? We agreed! Single Senior Year,” Hil accused. I remembered how crumpled she’d been after Keith tossed her away with the contents of his locker.

 

“It’s only because he heard about the pact.” I turned my lock absently. Part of me wished he’d meant it, or that the pact was my only reason for saying no.

 

“At least think about it!” Ally said.

 

“What happened to all of his potential?” Lauren teased.

 

“Who cares why he’s doing it? You like him and he’s hot. Anyway, did you guys see the new boy—”

 

“This is Ryan. He’s not serious,” Hil interrupted. “Do you know how many girls Chris says he hooked up with this summer?”

 

“Do you know how much Chris exaggerates?” I retorted.

 

“So explain it to me—if it’s two girls instead of twelve, that’s okay with you?” Hil turned to face me, edging Lauren and Ally out of the conversation.

 

“He hadn’t asked me then. If he hooked up with someone now, it’d matter. I can’t care what he did while we were in different states and single.”

 

“If you were going to date someone, and you promised you wouldn’t, you could do so much better than him!” Hil’s fingers drummed against her bare arms. “Chris thinks—”

 

“Who cares? Why would I take dating advice from the guy who broke up with Maggie Arturo by changing his Facebook status to single? Besides, did I miss the part where I expressed any interest in saying yes or dating Ryan? Calm down.”

 

“So anyway, the new guy?” Lauren persisted.

 

Ally stepped around Hil and grabbed my arm. “Good point, Laur. There’s not another guy, is there?” She leaned in, eager for confidences she’d accidentally repeat within minutes.

 

“No, of course not.”

 

“What about Gyver?” Hil demanded. “You’ve been hanging out a ton lately. Are you really going to tell me that you guys are just buddy-buddy?”

 

“What? No. We’re just friends!” It was easy to be wrapped up in this. I wanted to be the girl who’d left this school last June, the one who would’ve giggled, blushed, and eaten this up. The one who wasn’t too exhausted to stand and had to slump against the lockers.

 

“Ryan can’t be serious, right? I mean, why me?” I could be vulnerable about this, especially with them. I had handed out tissues to each Calendar Girl when they’d had breakups. It was why I’d vowed never to fall for a guy like him. Then, last spring, when I was two beers beyond buzzed at one of Lauren’s hot tub parties, I’d seen him sling an arm around the shoulders of a shy sophomore being mocked by seniors. “Hank’s my buddy,” he’d said, and steered the shocked boy away and introduced him to a giggly girl. Ryan had paused to admire his matchmaking, and I’d pushed him into a corner and pressed my mouth to his.

 

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