He tried to say the words women needed. He wanted to tell her to stay forever. What did he have to offer her? He was consumed with rage at times. At those times he needed the rush of working undercover. He was driven to find and arrest men who thought themselves above the law, more clever and superior to all others. There were parts of him he was afraid of. A violence he sometimes dealt with by beating a boxing bag for hours, or racing a horse over a mountain trail. So many things he held in little compartments in his mind, deep where no one saw.
Until Maia. She looked through the emptiness in his eyes, somewhere beyond the shadows, and she seemed just to accept him. It was terrifying to think he could be wrong. And if he asked her and she turned away from him, he’d be lost.
Cole sighed. “I found the old man’s stash,” he confessed. He turned on his side, rising above her to prop himself up on his elbow. He could hear the regret in his voice and knew she would think it was because of his father. “I didn’t want to know anything more about him. And I didn’t want to have to tell Jase.”
“Jase has you now, Cole,” Maia said, placing her palm over his heart to comfort him. If anyone needed comfort it was Cole. He just didn’t recognize it.
“It wasn’t all that hard to find it. When I was a kid I used to go up to that large rock formation, and there was a series of caves. One of them was very small, but when you accessed it, if you crawled to the back, there was a larger chamber. I couldn’t find it and I knew immediately the old man had covered it up. I knew approximately where it was, so it didn’t take long.”
“It was a shipment of drugs?”
“A large shipment. The remains of the pilot were propped up in the back against the wall of the cave like some macabre pirate skeleton left to guard the bundles. I should have known having oil wells, natural gas reserves, and a thriving cattle business wouldn’t be enough for the old man. He needed to feel superior. He needed the rush of pitting his brains against law enforcement.”
“Maybe you did know what he was doing, or suspected on some level as a child, Cole. You became a DEA agent. Subconsciously you may have been trying to find a way to separate and define yourself.”
He bent his head to kiss her. “You say the nicest things, Maia. I don’t know how you always think of the exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better when I’m feeling low, but you manage it.”
She nibbled her way across his jaw to tease at his mouth with her teeth. “I say what I think, which isn’t always a good thing, Cole.”
“I have to go, honey. I checked with the weather service, and I’ve only got a few hours to pull this off. Follow me down to the kitchen. I want to show you how to set the alarm.” He brushed backed her hair, kissing her again and again as if he might not stop, then pulled abruptly away.
Maia followed him to his room and sat on his bed. She sat up, watched him dress, clutching the sheet to her as if that might protect her from the sudden fear she was trying to suppress. He was dragging weapons out of every conceivable hiding place and shoving them into holsters, taping them to his back until she could only stare in horror.
He tossed her his own flannel shirt wishing he could stick around and enjoy her in it. “Come on, Maia. I have to go now.” He couldn’t look at her much longer and not feel the choking fear of losing her. Facing gunfire and possible death was nothing compared to the terror of being so vulnerable to another human being.
Maia followed him down the stairs, buttoning buttons as she went, trying to look casual and calm, wondering if Cole had felt the same way when she had attended the mountain lion. She listened dutifully to all his instructions, but when he turned away from her she caught his hand and tugged him back, reluctant to let him go.
“You’re coming back.”
“Of course.” Cole kissed Maia hard. “Turn on the security alarm the moment I leave. All the doors and windows will lock automatically. You know where the safety rooms are. One upstairs and one down. Use them if you have to.”
She clutched his fingers, holding him to her. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m never stupid, Maia, and I never forget details. Take care of Jase. There’s paperwork in the top desk drawer in case of emergencies. My boss has copies. I faxed them to him last night.”
“Don’t tell me that. Tell me you’re going to come back to me all in one piece.”
Cole leaned down to kiss her again. “Stay out of trouble and keep Jase occupied. I don’t want either one of you to get any ideas about being a hero. When I’m out there, I’m going to treat everyone as the enemy. I can’t be worried that you or Jase will get it in your heads to try to help. I might end up shooting one of you.”
“I’m not stupid, Cole,” Maia assured him. “I’ll take care of Jase, but he’s not going to like that you snuck out so early.”
“He’d want to come, and I don’t have a lot of time to spend arguing with him,” he glanced at his watch. “The weather will be closing in faster than anticipated. I have maybe three or four hours at the most, then the storm will break again.”