“I’ve more and more come to the conclusion that I can find God better alone, in nature and in the world. There’s so much hypocrisy in organized religion. I was in the Christian Union, but there was this terrible incident last year when I realized that they were just bullying this poor girl because they believed—or wanted to believe—that she was a lesbian. They came and prayed outside her window, prayed that she would repent, when in fact she had done nothing wrong at all. I couldn’t bear it.”
Mark took her hand, and she felt as if all her nerves concentrated there where he was touching her and spread out through her body. She almost gasped. “They should be pitied and prayed for, not shamed like that,” he said.
“Yes, exactly!”
“You’ve never felt pulled that way?”
She didn’t understand what he meant for a minute. “Oh—no. Honestly, I’ve never felt very much that way for anyone. But neither did Marjorie. She was sharing a bed with the other girl because the other girl was afraid to sleep in the dark. That’s all there was to it.”
“You’re a little innocent,” Mark said, looking charmed.
“No, really, that’s what happened. And the Christian Union—they’re like sheep, and they’re not sincere—or individually they may be, but acting all together like that and asserting that they know God’s will, they’re not.”
“Women have a simpler faith,” he said. “I’ve often remarked it. Men need the dogmas, the organization, the clearly marked paths, where women have intuition.”
Although she had said that she felt closer to God alone, and although he was praising women, Patty did not feel entirely sure about this. “I sing in the Bach choir, and I certainly feel close to God there,” she said.
Mark nodded. “As for the Christian Union, I belong, but I try not to let them stifle me. Wittgenstein says—”
“Are you a friend of his?”
“I have that honor.” Mark spoke a little stiffly. Patty was impressed. “My father is a clergyman,” Mark said, beginning again. “He always intended that I should follow him. But I believe I will stay here and become a don.”
It was a noble ambition, and at that moment, outside the moonlit Bodleian, it seemed the most desirable thing in the world, never to have to leave Oxford. “How lucky you are,” she said.
“I don’t know how it is I didn’t meet you until now,” Mark said. “A whole year wasted. And you’ll be going down soon. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to teach at a girls’ school near Penzance,” Patty said. She had been so pleased and proud when she’d applied for the post and been awarded it.
“Cornwall!” He seemed utterly dismayed. “That’s so far.”
“We could write,” she suggested timidly.
A clock struck eleven, and Patty froze. “I have to get in or I’ll be in serious trouble.” They walked swiftly towards St. Hilda’s. Patty took one step up on the steps, but Mark did not release her hand.
“We must get engaged,” he said. “But we can’t marry for some considerable time. I have two more years here, and then a fellowship and a doctorate which would be another two or even three years, before I could possibly support you.”
Patty stared at him in astonishment. “I want to say ‘This is so sudden’!” she said. “We only just met!”
“Yes, but there’s no question, is there? Except working things out. This was clearly God’s plan for us. You go to Cornwall and we’ll write, and we’ll see each other when we can, and we’ll marry in four or five years.”
Mark was like a force of nature, and his belief in Providence swept her away. “All right,” she said. She expected him to kiss her, but he did not, he just nodded as if things were as they should be and wished her a good night.
She barely slept at all. The next day he took her to a little jeweller’s shop and after having her finger measured bought her an engagement ring. He did not ask her opinion, which she thought romantic. Her ring was a thin hoop of gold with a tiny chip of diamond, and it was clearly the best he could afford. She was moved by this, as she would not have been by a ring bought by a rich man. He did not seem quite so magical by daylight, but she did not regret her decision.
Two days later, she left Oxford with an Upper Second degree. She spent the summer in Twickenham with her mother, who found fault with everything except Mark, when he visited. She even extended a little grudging approval of Patty for attaching him.