My Real Children

“But that’s just … just Christian kindness,” Patty said.

 

“It is!” Marjorie said. “I’m so glad you understand. Mr. Collins didn’t believe me. He insinuated the most awful things. And at first I slept on the floor, wrapped in my blankets you know, but in the winter when it was so cold I started to get into bed with her, and I suppose it looks bad, but I shared a bed with my sister at home until I came to Oxford and I didn’t see that it was any different.”

 

“Didn’t you say that to Mr. Collins?”

 

“He wanted me to repent and be forgiven, but I haven’t done anything wrong! And he wanted me to promise I’d never sleep in there again, and I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. Grace has the most terrible dreams. And he wanted to know why I hadn’t told anybody.”

 

“Why hadn’t you? We could have taken turns.”

 

Marjorie sighed. “It was because Grace begged me not to, she doesn’t want anyone to know about her dreams and her family. You know what she’s like. It was hard enough for her to tell me.”

 

“If she had told the college they might have put her in one of the rooms with two beds so she’d have had somebody there,” Patty said.

 

“She was in one of those last year, but you know how they make a thing of the single rooms. Virginia Woolf and all that. I hate to even have to explain to Mr. Collins and you now, but I have to defend myself. Grace must see that.”

 

“I think you ought to explain to everyone in the Christian Union. Once they know they’ll understand.” Patty felt sure of it. “They’re good people, they love God, they know you do, they’ll understand you’re doing it in Christian kindness and you need to go on doing it. And they’ll keep quiet about Grace, and it’s better than what they’re thinking about her now!”

 

“Could we be sent down, do you know? I mean if people really believed Grace and I were lovers? If we really were?”

 

“Of course you couldn’t. Think of the willowy men.”

 

“I think it is illegal, though,” Marjorie said, crushing her handkerchief in her fingers.

 

“It’s nonsense for it to be illegal,” Patty said briskly. “It may be immoral and unclean because it’s outside marriage, but it shouldn’t be illegal. That’s nonsense.”

 

Marjorie began to cry again.

 

“Look, come down now. Nobody was there for the Bible tea when I left except Ronald, but they’ll all be there by now. Come down and clear it up, and have some tea.”

 

Marjorie was reluctant but Patty persuaded her to come with her. Mr. Collins’s house was nearby, and the whole group was gathered when the girls came in. An awkward silence fell. Ian looked at Patty in horror. Patty saw at once that there was no use waiting for somebody else to say anything. She had developed a technique for overcoming shyness where she took a deep breath and then shut her eyes for a second as she began to speak. She did this now.

 

“Marjorie wants to tell you it’s all a mistake,” she said.

 

“There’s really nothing wrong at all,” Marjorie said. She went on to explain, as she had to Patty.

 

To Patty’s astonishment, although the members of the Christian Union listened they did not immediately see that Marjorie was telling the truth. She was caught wrong-footed because she had been so sure that they would react exactly as she had and see that it had been an act of Christian kindness. Instead they said nothing, until Marjorie stopped talking and then one of the girls said, “If you want to repent we’ll take you back into fellowship, but until then it would be better if you left.”

 

Marjorie ran out of the room weeping. Patty began to follow her, but as soon as she was outside Ian put his hand on her arm. She thought at first that he had followed for the same reason she had, to comfort Marjorie, but he paid no attention to her. “Stop, Patty,” he said.

 

Patty stopped and turned to him. “Didn’t you see that she’s telling the truth?”

 

“It seems a really unlikely, contrived kind of story. And if it’s true, why didn’t she tell anyone before?”

 

“Because Grace didn’t want everyone to know and feel sorry for her.” This seemed like a very reasonable answer to Patty, but Ian smiled cynically.

 

“I hardly find it likely. She has done wrong and is lying about it.”

 

“No. I don’t believe that, and I can’t see how you can.”

 

“You’re such an innocent,” Ian said. “It’s good of you to try to see the best in everyone. But you have to think how it looks.”

 

“How it looks?” Patty was bemused.

 

“If you defend her people will assume that you’re a lesbian too.”