“Alice, if you’re going to live forever, you’ve really got to learn how to live!” Mae teased.
Her fingers combed through my hair, and she turned me so my back was to her. I heard the clamor of something, and when I looked out of the corner of my eye, I saw her getting a brush and hair clips off the end table beside her.
Following suit, I patted the couch with my hand, and Matilda hopped up next to me. As Mae played with my hair, I ran my hands through Matilda’s thick, white fur.
“What does that even mean?” I asked as Mae pulled and teased at my hair.
“Hmm?” She’d already forgotten what she’d said to me.
“That I have to learn how to live. What’s wrong with the way I live?”
“Nothing,” Mae replied, but with a heavy sigh, she changes her mind. “Well, you need to worry less.”
“Less?” I asked incredulously. “I think if anything, I’m a little over relaxed, given my circumstance.”
“But you know you have nothing to worry about. You’re always concerning yourself with how things are going to end, when they’re not going to end for a very long time. It’s much better to live in the here and now.”
“Really?” I scratched Matilda’s ear and had to suppress a laugh. “Every time Jack and I get caught living in the here and now, we get a lecture. I don’t think that’s really what you want for me.”
“Living in the present doesn’t mean giving into your every whim,” Mae said sternly.
“I give into very few of my whims,” I muttered. “Trust me. I have a lot more whims that you don’t even know about.”
“Now you’re just being vulgar.” She made a “tsk” sound.
“Have you heard from Peter?” I asked quietly.
It was hard not to think about him and what his return would imply. My heart always sped up at the mention of him, and while it still made me feel ashamed, I didn’t mind as much when Jack wasn’t around.
I heard her intake of breath at his name, and the way she braided my hair got tighter and more painful. Maybe she spent too much time trying not think about the future.
“He called Ezra last week,” Mae answered tentatively.
“And?” I tried to turn my head to look at her, but she pushed it back away from her.
“Ezra’s with him right now.” Mae’s voice dropped so low, it was almost inaudible, and my heart stopped. Her hands let go of my hair, allowing me to face her. “They’re working on some business together. Jack doesn’t know.”
“How could he not know? Why wouldn’t Ezra tell him?” I wanted to shout, and I felt like I was, but my voice came out surprisingly quiet. Just talking about Peter had a way of taking all the oxygen out of the room.
“Jack would probably quit and move out and run away and all that.” Mae lowered her eyes. “He can be so melodramatic sometimes.”
“That’s pretty much what Peter did, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Peter had too.” She shook her head “You know I don’t agree with how he’s handled things with you. Especially what he did in the end… That’s unforgivable.
“But you’ve got to understand. Peter and Ezra were together for a hundred years before I was even born. Peter gave Ezra a piece of his humanity back, and without him, I’m not sure Ezra would’ve stayed sane all those years.”
“Ezra told me about his past,” I said, and she nodded evenly.
“It’s more than that, Alice. They are brothers, probably even closer than you are with Milo.” Her expression softened, and she took my hand in hers. “He can’t just shut him out. But he can’t lose Jack or you either. Family is very important to Ezra.”
“I don’t want Peter gone either,” I said carefully, and I was surprised by how true that was.
My body felt like a livewire that had just been activated. All my veins and cells tingled at the mention of him, and that dull ache I ignored pulsated like a fresh knife wound in my chest. Everything that coursed through me, coursed through me for him, and I knew that.
“You still feel it for him, then?” Mae had gone pale and her eyes had widened with worry.
“I can’t stop feeling it,” I said wearily. “I want to, sometimes, but I can’t. And I don’t think I can stop feeling anything for Jack either. But… I still miss Peter, and I’d miss Jack. I don’t know how I’m supposed to make sense of that.”
“You’re not. You’re not supposed to feel that way.” Mae smiled sadly at me and tucked a stray hair back. “But you already knew that.”
“Where is Peter?”
“He’s away, Alice,” Mae told me firmly. “And that’s the way it needs to stay. He’s not good for you. At least not right now, not with the way you both feel.”
“I didn’t want to see him.” I shook my head forcefully, maybe too forcefully. “I have no reason to see him. I was just wondering. So I would know.”