Fate walked over to the couch, pulling me with him, as Lars grabbed his ink and gun out of the bag. Fate sat angled in the corner, pulling me down along with him. His arm wrapped around mine.
“You’re killing Kitty. Right now, you are killing her. They have her and not letting me go is killing her.” My breathing was becoming more erratic, and in some part of my brain I recognized I was hyperventilating, maybe even having a panic attack of some sort.
Fingers gently moved the hair out of my face and Fate’s hand rubbed up and down the outside of my arm before he spoke, “They’re killing, Kitty, no one else. But if I let you go, it’ll be you in her place. Maybe not tonight, but soon.”
“Why do you care?”
One arm was wrapped around my waist and the other crossed in front and wrapped over mine, pulling me slightly more snugly to him. “I just do.”
“This isn’t your choice to make.” I was still arguing, but the fight was slowly draining from me.
“I don’t have a choice. You don’t see what he’s doing to you. You aren’t thinking clearly anymore. You aren’t making rational choices. And if I need to shoulder the weight of Kitty’s death, then I will.” His voice was somber as he said it, and gave me the impression he didn’t actually want to do any of this. He wasn’t gloating over besting me, and I felt myself finally giving up.
The constant battle I’d been fighting was being taken from me. The guilt was overwhelming, even if I did let him shoulder some of the blame. But I didn’t feel better; I felt disgusted with myself.
An image of Kitty being eradicated from all existence made me shudder, as Lars kneeled down in front of us, tattoo gun in hand. Fate’s one arm stayed wrapped around my torso, holding me snug to his chest as he opened my jeans enough to expose the ying yang tattoo.
He could’ve let me go at that point. I had no fight left in me tonight. I knew a lost cause when I saw one, even when it was myself.
“This will only take a minute. I just need to add a few more strokes in this different ink to the tattoo I gave you initially. See, this started the process but…” Lars looked at me and then stopped talking. He focused on the tattoo again.
This time felt different, and there was no mistaking it. A connection I hadn’t realized existed was being severed. Each stroke of the tattoo gun felt like a dull saw, running its blade across my midsection.
“This feels wrong,” I said to Lars.
I couldn’t see Fate’s expression, but Lars’s was alarming. He knew. He looked down quickly again, but he answered, “That’s how it’s supposed to feel. I’m finishing what we started before. This is what it feels like when you’re completely severed from...” His eyes shot skyward and then quickly down again, purposely avoiding my face.
“It has to be done,” Fate said. “This is how he was monitoring you.”
If I wasn’t so destroyed over the repercussions that would come from this, I might’ve actually been happy to know that at least I was getting my life back. But any joy I might have felt from being free was swallowed by the dread of everything else it entailed.
All this time, wasted; the effort, the hurt, all for nothing. Malokin would surely kill Kitty now. And what were the rest of the ramifications of such an action? What happened now?
“I’m done,” Lars said, and placed his equipment on the table.
His words might have benefitted Fate, but I’d already known. The last stroke had felt like an elastic snapping back against my skin, but it didn’t just smart with pain. There was a void left.
“I’m going to get out of here.” Lars looked up to Fate with a nod and then started repacking his things. He wanted to escape the scene of his crime.
I tugged out of Fate’s loose grip but only made it to the other side of the couch. I couldn’t get up yet. I felt…weak.
The door closed softly behind Lars. My phone wasn’t vibrating anymore.
Fate walked into the kitchen. He came back and placed a glass of iced tea in front of me. I ignored him.
“You’ll feel weak for tonight, but it will go away,” he said, as he stood looking down on me.
“How would you know? You’re still connected.” The anger churned inside of me and I didn’t even know where to direct it anymore; at Fate for interfering, Lars for helping, Malokin and Luke? Myself, most of all, for letting all of this happen.
He sat down on the other side of the couch in the now eerily quiet room. My phone hadn’t vibrated since Lars had started on the tattoo, confirming my fears. I didn’t know how this changed me, my abilities or what I could do, but it changed enough that Malokin no longer wanted me. He’d have no need of Kitty.
“I might have been able to save her,” I said, deciding I had enough anger right now to spread around. Why choose just one person to blame?
“You were becoming a shadow of yourself. You weren’t saving Kitty; you were just giving him both of you.” His voice sounded almost as tired as I felt.
I turned my head away from him, where I had it lying on the armrest and pulled my knees into my chest. I tried to hide the first couple of tears but once they started, I couldn’t seem to stop them.
I was like a geyser that had been gathering pressure and finally erupted. The last month had been almost unbearable. I couldn’t remember the last time I hadn’t felt terrified. If it wasn’t fear of what I had to do, it was fear of what was coming next.
I was relieved Fate had taken the choice out of my hands, and I was embarrassed because of it. I’d failed Kitty.
Fate’s hand started rubbing my back, but I swatted him away. It did nothing but make me feel more pathetic. He removed his hand but didn’t leave.
“This isn’t your fault.” I could tell by the way he said it that he believed it, but I didn’t.
I rubbed the back of my hand across my face, ashamed by my weakness. “Just tell me what happens now? I’m an outcast, like your guys?” I asked, not even caring but looking to change the subject to anything else. I watched him through lids that were becoming heavier and heavier.
“No. You’ve got another option,” he said. I would’ve questioned him, but I couldn’t stay awake anymore.
Chapter 32
Damage Control
I woke up in Fate’s bed—again. It was becoming a bad habit. This time didn’t bode any better than the previous times. Thinking back to last night’s events had me closing my eyes and sinking deeper under the covers.
I was truly cut off. I could feel it, like an amputee felt a missing limb. It had been a connection so intrinsic to me that I hadn’t even realized its presence until it was severed. And what were the ramifications of this? I wasn’t sure, but common sense told me it probably wouldn’t be good.
But nothing felt worse than when I thought about Kitty. I needed to find out what this meant for her. Was there a chance Malokin would keep her alive? She might already be gone. If she was, I hoped it had been quick. If Luke had been involved, I knew it wouldn’t have been.
Images of her being tortured still haunted me daily. What would they do when they no longer feared killing her? I rolled onto my left side, trying to quell the bile rising up from my stomach.
“Where is she?” It was Paddy’s voice in the kitchen. Now he shows up? I could have used him a lot more last night; or last week, for that matter.
“She’s in my room, sleeping,” Fate replied, his deep voice carrying into the bedroom easily.
“I need to talk to her alone for a bit,” Paddy said.
“That’s a change,” Fate barked at him. Why was he so angry? “You get fifteen.”
I heard a single set of footsteps in the hallway, heading toward me. Paddy opened the door and his smile faltered as it met my stare. It wasn’t his fault either, but that didn’t stop the anger welling up in me. I had plenty to go around for everyone so step right up.