“Relena, we can forbid you to fight, if we must,” Ildir said.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m going to fight with or without your permission.” I grew impatient with their attempts to prevent me from fighting.
“At least think about Marren and what he would want.” This time Blyl spoke. He had remained quiet and indifferent for the majority of the time.
“Let me see him. If you want me to think about his wishes, let me touch him.”
They stood quietly. Joe’n seemed to consider it. After a few moments of quiet, I spoke again. “Fine. I won’t fight so long as I don’t see Jiren. If he comes after me, I’m going after him.”
“We won’t leave your side or let anything like that happen.”
I turned around, muttering under my breath, “Sure you won’t.”
***
I met up with Danst after leaving the Ancients behind. They didn’t understand a thing about me, and they were sinking low to use Marren to get me to not fight. I wasn’t going to sit by and let others die after what Jiren did. I wouldn’t allow that to happen even without Jiren’s actions. I wasn’t going to do it. I don’t sit around and let people do the work.
Danst leaned against a tree, peeling leaves off a twig. His eyes found mine, and then he stood.
“That apparently didn’t go well,” he said.
“Were you aware of what they wanted to discuss with me?” I asked.
“What?” he asked as if he had no idea what I was talking about.
“Were you aware of what they wanted to discuss with me?” I repeated.
“No, I didn’t. I thought they were going to tell you Marren was awake.” He paused for a few moments, kicking a piece of dirt on the ground. “He isn’t awake, is he?”
“No,” I said, spitting out the word as though it was bitter in my mouth.
“Wha—what did they want?”
“To tell me not to fight, rather, to forbid me from fighting. Spouting off that I need to think of Marren and his wellbeing.”
“Wow. They don’t understand you, do they?”
“Obviously,” I muttered.
“So what are you going to do?” Danst asked after a moment.
“I’m going to go find him, when everyone is busy fighting, and I’m going to kill him.”
“You’re going to kill Marren?” he asked dubiously.
“No!” I said. “I’m going to find Jiren and kill him.”
“I hate to break this to you, but Jiren can’t be killed. Not in the way you are thinking.”
“Oh yeah? How can I kill him?” I asked, stepping up to Danst and staring deep into his eyes, waiting for him to answer. He avoided my gaze and turned, walking away. “Don’t walk away from me, tell me!”
“I can’t,” he said.
“You can’t or you won’t?” I shouted.
He turned around faster than I’d ever seen him move with rage blazing brightly in his eyes. “Pick one, Relena! You’ll stop at nothing and run over everyone—even your mate—to get to Jiren and kill him. You won’t think! At least not about anyone but yourself. Go do yourself a favor and get some rest. And try not to get yourself and your baby killed.” Without another word, he turned and continued walking away from me. Just above the tree line, the moon had risen, shining light on the field, bathing it in an eerie glow.
I was too shocked to move. Too shocked that Danst had actually accused me of being selfish and thinking only about myself. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand that I wanted Jiren to pay for ripping Marren from me and turning this world upside down to prove me wrong instead of accepting I was Marren’s heart song.
I returned to the cluster of trees to find Okelo. I wasn’t about to back down. Not when I was that close. I had to fight. Marren would understand, and I wouldn’t let myself get killed. But Okelo was nowhere in sight. After asking a number of people where she was, I was no closer to finding her. Everyone I asked claimed that they had not seen her. Frustrated, I found a spot to lie down and get some sleep. I would need it in order to leave before anyone else woke up.
***
I woke to find my hands tied to a tree with Tobias crouched in front of me, ready to pounce if I tried to escape. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why are you so insistent on not letting me fight?”
“Why are you so insistent upon fighting?” he asked with his thickly accented words.
“Because it is wrong to expect people to fight and die for me without me willing to do the same.”
“Willing and doing are the same thing to you?”
“Yes,” I said, trying to twist my wrists free from the ropes.
He nodded. “I have great respect for you. But you are stupid, careless, and you act before you think. That is what will get you killed.”
“I don’t need lessons from you.” I struggled again and then panted, giving up my struggle for the moment. “I need you to release me.”