“To punish me.”
“Amaia, that doesn’t make any sense. He obviously doesn’t remember you. You look the same as you did the day you killed him. Are you saying you believe there’s a god who sends him back to punish you for your sins?”
Amaia screwed up her face. “No, don’t be ridiculous.”
“Then what?”
Amaia’s eyes bore into Meg’s. “He died on the exact same day of his life that I killed him. That can’t be coincidence. Judging by the age he looked at the tavern, I’m guessing he died on the same day during that life as well.”
“How do you know it has anything to do with you? Perhaps you killing him on that day was his destiny. For all you know, he has been reincarnating for centuries, and you simply played a part in that particular life. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been something else.”
“I don’t know, Meg. I feel in my core that this has to do with me killing him. When he’s alive, I can’t stay away. Even when I don’t see him, his eyes flash before me. I’ll be going about my business and suddenly they’ll be there. Sometimes they’re alive and vibrant, others they’re glassy and vacant like they were after I killed him.” Amaia shook her head back and forth, trying to dislodge the image.
Meg sat up and took hold of Amaia’s arm. “Amaia, you must stop this. It’s out of hand. This level of obsession isn’t healthy. The hold he has on you, it almost sounds like you’re on the verge of mating with a human. You’ve got to put an end to it. Don’t go to him the next time he’s reborn.”
The fierce earnestness in Meg’s expression startled Amaia. She rose to sit eye to eye with her. “Don’t you think I want to stop? I don’t know if I can.”
“You have to. This whole thing is spooky. You’ll go mad. You’ve never seen a mad vampire. It isn’t a pretty sight. I doubt Zenas would let you live.”
Amaia shivered. “I’ll try, Meg. I just don’t know if I’ll have the strength to stay away. When he’s alive, his energy calls to me, far stronger than blood or even killing does.”
“You don’t have to do this alone, Amaia. Let me help you. Stop keeping secrets from me. When you feel weak or like you’re going to give in, talk to me. I’ll do everything I can for you. You should know that.”
Amaia smiled. There wasn’t a trace of falseness in Meg’s words. “I do know it. I’m sorry I kept it from you for this long. I should have trusted that you’d know what to do. I just didn’t know how to explain it when I don’t even understand it myself.”
“I know. But even if you don’t understand, we’ll unravel it together.”
“Thank you. I promise I’ll try to resist. I’ll let you know what’s going on when he returns.”
“That’s all I ask.”
They sat together. Meg clasped Amaia’s hand for several minutes. The air changed speed, and a new scent drifted past Amaia. “It’s almost time.”
Amaia watched as a single snowflake drifted down from the clouds that quickly filled the sky. Every bit of light reflected off the sharp points. It was a pattern of ice needles, temporarily fierce before the harsh ground and snow obliterated its delicate figure. So much beauty in the world that was hidden from mortal sight. It was as if the world were made for her kind—the undead. Nature was wasted on mortals. Michael could return for a thousand lifetimes, but he would never see the full magnificence of a simple snowflake. How plain she must look to his human sight. He would never see the detail of his own eyes staring back at him in the mirror, as intricate as any snowflake.
She would try to keep her word to Meg, but without Michael’s pull, those promises were easy to make. There was time before he would be born again, precious time that Amaia could use to gather her own fierce needles to guard herself against his influence.
Chapter 17
Milan, September 1673, 8 months later
“What is it?” Meg’s voice pierced Amaia’s thoughts.
The energy was soft, like a whisper, but present. There was no denying that it was Michael.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Meg’s hand covered Amaia’s. They perched with Liam on a ledge halfway up the Holy Mary of Grace church. Amaia had been people-watching when the energy touched her consciousness. Meg must have noticed some change that prompted her to lower her book.
“Yes.” Amaia couldn’t say more. Her body welcomed the familiar touch of energy. It made her feel as if she had been missing it all along, as if she hadn’t been whole and didn’t even realize it.
“I can kill him for you.” Liam whittled something Amaia couldn’t see. “If you can’t bring yourself to, I’ll do it for you.”
Liam’s offer touched Amaia. So often, he seemed to tolerate Amaia’s presence for Meg’s sake. “No, that’s all right. I don’t think it would solve anything.”