“I’m sincere.”
“I know. I just fear that perhaps you are shooting for the moon when a star would suffice.”
“No, she’s out there, Mother. I can feel it. I won’t settle. I won’t bring an unworthy woman into this family.”
“Fine. I admire your resolve, even if I do think it is born in the na?veté of youth. I hate seeing you alone.”
“Don’t worry about me, Mother. I’d rather be alone than miserable with a wife.”
She patted his arm and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Very well. Good night, my child.”
“Good night, Mother.”
After the door closed behind his mother, Michael approached the window. Amaia’s skin tingled at his closeness, but she knew it would be impossible for him to see her.
“Maybe she’s right, Spartacus.” Michael spoke to the Irish Wolfhound curled on the rug. “I just can’t help the fact that I’m not attracted to any of the women I’ve seen. Not the type of attraction that holds a man’s attention for a lifetime. I won’t marry a woman just to abandon her in my heart.”
The dog moaned, no doubt hoping for attention. “I know. I’m depressing even myself. It’s time to sleep and let the woman of my dreams comfort me. It’s not my fault I can’t find her in the lighted hours.”
Amaia knew there’d been a time when Michael had thought she would be that woman. He had proposed to her, sworn his undying love and affection. Amaia remembered the words. They weren’t so different than the words spoken by many of her clients. Hearing him talk about his feelings toward marriage, she felt again what it had been like with him. She had been that woman for him. He had been persistent, but he didn’t cheapen her. He had refused to pay for her after the beginning. He was only going to have her if she were truly his. His pledge of love had sung a familiar refrain, but he was the first man who made her believe him.
It would be so much easier if he would just marry. As distasteful as Amaia found the idea, she thought it might give her some closure. Maybe she could leave him be if he found a wife. She would have no interest in watching him share his life with another woman.
There was nothing to be done tonight. Lawrence would miss her if she stayed to watch him sleep.
Chapter 14
Aachen, April 1668
Approaching her townhouse, Amaia knew Meg waited for her inside. She felt her from across the street. She wished she could have made it home unnoticed, but the situation could be worse. At least Meg was alone, and Lawrence hadn’t tried to contact Amaia while she was gone. She had timed her outing to coincide with his own hunting trip.
“Where have you been?” Meg eyed her disheveled appearance.
There would be no hiding the smell of salt water clinging to her hair. Better to tell as much of the truth as possible. “I was at the ocean. I suppose I got carried away and lost track of time.” Amaia smiled, hoping that by sheer force of will she could convince Meg to cease her questioning.
Meg stared at her for a moment, lifting her brows in a questioning manner. When Amaia didn’t say anything else, she sighed. “Fine. Well, since you’re not working tonight, Liam and I thought you might want to join us at the hot springs.”
Amaia undressed. She had worn the plainest outfit she owned: a dark blue riding habit. It was better able to withstand the journey, but she would still need to have the poor thing laundered and mended before she wore it again. “You mean you want me to go. I don’t think Liam would care if I burned at the stake.”
Meg came up behind her and assisted. “Of course he would. It would put me in a horrible depression.”
Amaia laughed. That was the truth of the matter. “The hot springs sound fun.”
Meg handed her a plain green dress. “Good. I feel as if I hardly see you anymore. You work too much.”
“You know the work isn’t my fault. Lawrence loves all the business.” Aachen was a gold mine for expensive prostitutes and courtesans. She dressed and grabbed Meg’s hand, pulling her out of the house. “We shouldn’t keep Liam waiting. I don’t want him cranky with me.”
***
Hot water warmed Amaia all the way through, mimicking the pleasurable heat of feeding. Liam and Meg splashed about and wrestled in their secluded hot spring, but Amaia couldn’t bring herself to join them. Her thoughts journeyed hundreds of miles to Calais.