God Save the Queen

CHAPTER 9

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL“You think I killed him?” The woman had bollocks the size of Big Ben.

“No,” she replied, but my relief quickly expired, “I thought you’d turned him in so someone else could kill him.”

My jaw dropped. Never mind that I would have thought her capable of being just as vengeful.

“Because I’m just a vindictive bitch, or because I’m so misguided in my perception of the world?”

She thought about it. “Both.”

If she hadn’t been so obviously pained by the loss of her lover, I might have thought she was trying to be funny. “Where did you find him?”

Ophelia laughed – that bleak, hoarse bark of grief. “Traitor Lane. They carved ‘Insurgent Meat’ on his face.” Traitor Lane was where they’d marched the captured insurrectionists to the gallows. “Well, I’m certainly delighted that you thought I’d put someone else to the task rather than do it myself.” I stopped there, biting my tongue to keep from saying more – words that would be tactless and cruel given the situation.

My sarcasm barely registered with her. “It seemed rather convenient, given your recent appearance at Bedlam.”

I shot her a wry glance. “Right. Because I’d turn in a human rather than you.”

“Fair enough.” She wrapped her arms around her bent knees. “Dede said you don’t like humans. I thought you’d done it to punish me.”

“Most halvies don’t like humans,” I retorted, leaning back against the wall. “Ophelia, if I wanted to punish you, I’d punish you. They would have raided Bedlam if I’d given you up.”

She seemed to consider that. “Why haven’t you reported us?”

“I have no idea,” I replied, as honestly as I felt able. Dede’s remark that I’d be suspected of being a traitor as well was of little consequence. “I suppose there’s been just enough bizarre shit going on that I’m not one hundred per cent certain which way is up.”

“I felt that way at first too. Then Mum showed me the truth.”

“How long have you been with her?” Why was I doing this to myself? Did it really matter?

“Little more than a year.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Until then I thought she was lost to me, same as you.”

Same as me. Was she trying to butter me up? “So what? She found you, fed you her vague history of Bedlam’s secret citizens, and you signed up?”

She shot me a droll look. She looked just like our mother but with blue hair. “By the time she rescued me from the facility the aristos kept me in I didn’t really need much convincing. Even before that I wasn’t partial to vamps. In Scotland we have quite a different view of Buckingham Palace than you Londoners do. Victoria tends to treat the pack like we’re dumb hounds begging for scraps.”

Did it make me a small person that I envied her for feeling like she was part of the pack? Every were in the UK was accepted into the pack, including were halvies. As a vamp halvie I was well treated, but I was well aware I wasn’t one of “them” as far as the aristocracy was concerned.

Maybe that was why I’d been so attracted to Vex – he didn’t treat me as though I was below him.

“What about Vex?” I asked, feeling suddenly – oddly – protective of him.

She regarded me warily. “Vex is it? What of him?”

I ignored her dig, and cursed myself for using his Christian name. “You swore fealty to him.”

“To him and the pack, yes. And I meant it.”

I wanted to ask how much he knew about her treasonous activities, then decided better of it. I didn’t want to find out, coward that I was. “You don’t think being part of a traitorous group might be seen as a betrayal of that oath?”

“I’ve never betrayed my alpha, and I never will. The monarchy, however, betrayed us a long time ago.” She held up her tattooed arm. “I have the number to prove it.”

I frowned. The brick at my back caught at my coat – little annoying snags. “What did they do to you?”

Ophelia shook her head. “Nothing I feel like sharing with you. I wouldn’t want it to come back and haunt me later. And don’t pretend you’re above doing just that. You and I aren’t that different.”

I shrugged, and winced when my coat rasped against the wall. It better not be ruined. I loved this coat. “What would happen to those poor halvies in the underground cells if Bedlam was raided?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they’d let them stay. Maybe they’d lobotomise them. Or maybe they’d be tried for treason as well, hard to say. Regardless, they’ve already suffered enough.”

That was at least one point on which she and I agreed. “Dede’s already hurt enough people with her death. This kind of scandal could destroy my family.”

“Destroy the Duke of Vardan, you mean.”

“And his children – my brother and sister.”

“Ever stop to consider that maybe your father deserves a little hurt?”

I bristled. “Ever considered my boot in your face?”

A mocking gleam lit her eyes. She didn’t look all that broken up for someone who had just lost a lover. When Rye died, I was a mess. I cried for three days before anger took hold. Either my maternal sister went straight for rage, or she was an unemotional bitch.

I knew which one of those had my wager.

“Your family’s your biggest weakness,” she informed me – as though she had some great insight into my inner workings. “Someone’s going to use it against you one day.”

I smiled – an ironic twist of my lips. “Someone already did. Dede knew I’d find her. Hell, she might as well have left a trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow.”

Speaking of which … “How’d you find me?” I asked.

“Your tracking signal,” she replied. “The RG isn’t the only bunch to find those things useful.”

That was it. I was finding my f*cking displacer and I was going to do it quick. I didn’t want the Bedlamites following me any more than I wanted Church watching my every move.

“So …” She looked me in the eye. “Can we trust you?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” That was as honest as I could be.

My sister didn’t look at all surprised – or worried. “You could always join us.”

I laughed bitterly as I shook my head. “Not going to happen.”

“It will,” she insisted, so certain of it I wanted to slap her – or ask what she knew that I didn’t. “There’s too much honour in you for it not to.”

Right, because she knew so much about f*cking honour. “Five minutes ago you thought I was a murderer.”

She shrugged. “You still could be for all I know.” Her eyes were hard. “Honour’s relative.”

“Right.” I slapped my hands against my thighs. She was mad as a sack of cats. “Well, I have somewhere I need to be. I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t come near me again.”

I jumped to my feet and started for the mouth of the alley.

Suddenly she was there in front of me, blocking my way. “Xandra, wait. Look, I’m … thank you.”

That was as close to an apology as I was going to get, and I was glad of it. If she went all emotional on me I’d probably go mental. As it was, my response came in the form of a terse nod.

She ran a hand over the back of her neck. “You want to grab a pint or something?”

She might have asked me if I wanted to go to the moon I was so bloody gobsmacked. “No.” It came out wrapped in a laugh of disbelief. I wanted to add, “You f*cking nutter.”

Maybe I was na?ve – or conceited – but she appeared genuinely disappointed by my rejection. Guilt nudged me right below my breastbone but I ignored it. I didn’t know her, didn’t like her and couldn’t afford the association, even if she was family.

“I am sorry about your boyfriend,” I said – lamely – and slipped past her out of the alley.

I hoofed it to Freak Show, brushing the dirt from my coat as I walked. Fortunately the scuffle with Ophelia, and that damned brick wall, hadn’t mussed me up too badly. I didn’t want to have to explain my appearance to Vex.

There was a longer queue in front of the club tonight than there had been last time. It was fairly early in the evening for such a crowd. The sounds of live music thumping from inside explained why.

“Hey, there’s a queue!” a voice protested as I walked to the front. The halvie at the door wore a bright yellow corset that matched her hair and warmed her caramel-coloured skin. Short bloomers showed off mile-long legs with garters. A gauzy bustle cradled her hips to fall almost to the ground. She towered over me in five-inch heels.

She sneered at me, full lips parting to reveal a hint of fang. “I don’t have to let you in, you know. Just because you’ve got that badge don’t mean you’re privileged.” Her accent was cockney – a very human way of speaking. Most halvies born to official courtesans were raised in a fairly posh, if not physically challenging environment. This one hadn’t the skills to be Protectorate, Yard or RG, so she spent her nights tossing rowdies out on their ears.

And now, for whatever reason, I was going to get some of the blame for that.

“Actually,” I replied, about to rub a little salt in, “it does make me special – top five per cent of my class and all that, which you already know. I’m not asking you to cater to my whim, or even play nice, but I’m meeting the MacLaughlin in ten minutes, and I don’t think you want to be the reason I give him for being late.”

She either wanted to puke or to job me – I wasn’t certain which. Regardless, she moved aside so I could cross the threshold. I forced a smile and a sweet word of thanks.

“What is it about you that antagonises everyone you meet?”

I froze. People milled around me in the swathes of light that punctuated the dark. Slowly, I turned.

“Did you follow me?” I demanded.

Ophelia shrugged. “This was the closest place to get a drink.”

My ego didn’t quite believe her. “Right. Enjoy, then.” I turned to make my way through the club.

The crowd was mostly halvie and human – not an aristo in sight. Having to deal with a gathering of humans set my teeth on edge, despite the club’s no-violence policy.

I went to the bar rather than the tables, as that would give me the best view of the door when Vex arrived – and the best view of the club if a human or six decided to get rowdy. The ebony wood gleamed with polish and had several high stools along the length of it.

I hopped up on to one of the stools, which resembled a taller version of an eighteenth-century chair. The bar was designed to be an elegant mishmash of eras, but the upholstery’s various designs complemented each other in a way that made the whole thing work.

The skeleton of Joseph Merrick stood in a glass case against the wall beside me, adding a little cover from possible attack. There had been great debate over the Elephant Man in his time. A small band of aristos had wanted to make the attempt to turn him, to see if the blood would cure him, but a human doctor stepped in and convinced Merrick to refuse. Said it would be a degradation.

Staring at the twisted, distorted remains, I thought of what Ophelia had said when I was at Bedlam – that even amongst freaks I was freakish.

“What’ll ye have?” the Irish barman – human – asked.

I ordered a hard cider and tossed a handful of pound notes on the bar when he thrust the frosty bottle towards me. I turned to find Ophelia there – again.

“To family,” she said, clinking her tankard against my bottle. Something in her tone gave me pause.

“Are you taking the piss?” I asked.

Another of those bollocks shrugs of hers. Fang me, I wished I could get drunk.

My rotary chirped that I had a digigram. I pulled the device from my pocket and checked the screen. The message was from Vex, informing me that he’d be a few minutes late. Brilliant. I was stuck with Ophelia for a little while longer.

“Are you trying to make trouble for me?” I asked. “Or are you just doing a rotten job of spying on me?”

She choked. I whacked her on the back – hard. She pitched forward, coughing, and shot me a glare. “I think you just broke a rib.”

I scowled at her. “You must also think I’m mentally deficient if you believe for one sweet minute that I’m buying any of this family shit.”

The band finished their set, and for a moment a heavy silence descended over the place as the two of us regarded each other with equal amounts of animosity. Then twin sisters Maisie and Grace took the spotlight to juggle, dance with and swallow fire. Maybe Fee and I should get up there and throw knives at one another.

Penny sidled up to me as Ophelia continued to brood. Had I truly injured her? More guilt added to the pile. Why didn’t she just sod off and leave me alone?

“Dearest, you look scrumptious as always,” Penny told me, tossing back glossy red ringlets. It was a different wig every night for Penny. “A little dusty, though. You here for that gorge alpha again? I heard you two left together the other night.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ophelia turn her head ever so slightly, listening to Penny’s bright rambling. I closed my eyes – not because I was embarrassed, but because my private life wasn’t any of my sister’s business.

“I’m meeting him in a sec,” I admitted.

Penny squealed. “I’m taking you out to lunch so you can tell Sister Penny all about it!”

I smiled and told her to ring me, and then she flitted away like the glorious butterfly she was.

“Come with me,” Ophelia said over the music that accompanied the fire-dancing siblings – an industrial number with harpsichord added in. “There’s something I want you to see.”

I should decline, but I had to admit I was curious. After this surreal experience, how could I not be? Besides, I had some hope that maybe whatever she wanted to show me might shed light on this whole f*cked-up situation. “All right, but make it quick.” And discreet.

She arched a brow. “I won’t make you late for the alpha, don’t worry.”

“I won’t,” I retorted, holding her gaze. What I did with Vex and vice versa was none of her business.

Her lips curved into a mocking smile that I’d dearly have loved to chew off her face. “Let’s go.”

I drained the remainder of my cider and slipped off the stool to follow after her like a good little puppy.

She led me out of a side door and up a flight of red-carpeted stairs to where the balconies and other rooms were. We continued down the hall almost to the very end, stopping in front of a door with a small red heart painted on it. The heart looked as though it was bleeding.

How appropriate that she’d brought me to a room for bleeding hearts, given the trouble I was courting for not reporting her and everyone else I loved who had turned their back on their queen and country. As a member of the Royal Guard I was sworn to protect the Crown, yet here I was in the company of someone who would see the monarchy destroyed.

If I was found out, not even my father could save me from execution, or at least a lengthy prison sentence in New South Wales. In this situation, the juice – as Dede was once fond of saying – was not worth the squeeze.

Yet I did not turn away. Part of me was forced to admit that I wanted to see where this led, because I might be loyal but I wasn’t stupid. As wrong as I thought Dede and her Bedlam crew were, I had seen just enough lately to make me wonder if perhaps there wasn’t something terrible going on. I wasn’t prepared to blame the entire aristocracy for it, or even all vampires, but if halvies were being experimented on, I needed to stop it.

Ophelia turned the knob and pushed the door open. “After you.”

I hesitated on the threshold. The room was dark save for a soft glow coming from one wall. I took a step, and once I saw that Ophelia was with me, I moved deeper into the room, turning to face the dim light.

What I saw snatched the breath from my lungs. It wasn’t a light at all, but a two-way mirror looking into the adjacent room. We were alone on this side, but on the other there were at least half a dozen vampires, and they were feeding on half-bloods.

More than just feeding, actually – given the state of undress and, uh, arousal.

“They have to be humans with dyed hair,” I whispered hoarsely. I’d always been told that aristos didn’t feed on halvies because it was so close to cannibalism. A little bite during sex was all right, but to feed was taboo. This was more than little love bites. Blood ran down the chest of one of the halvie women. I recognised her as the hoity bitch who’d given me a hard time at the door.

“They’re not,” Ophelia replied, shattering my frail hope. “It’s a regular occurrence here. Halvies sell themselves as blood whores. I hear our blood is like an aphrodisiac to aristos.”

I swallowed – hard. That would explain all the writhing going on in there – and why I was able to spy on it from in here. It was a frigging voyeur room, just like they had at some of the fancy brothels around the city.

My opinion of Freak Show dropped a little for it having such a set-up. Apparently it wasn’t enough just to showcase freakiness; they also dealt in it. I made a note to ask Penny about missing employees and patrons when I got her alone.

“Still think they’re the good guys?” Ophelia asked, close enough that her breath skimmed the ridge of my ear.

I shuddered. “Drinking halvie blood might be wrong, but there’s no law against it unless the donor’s unwilling. I don’t see any of these putting up much of a fight. It’s kinky and skanky, but that doesn’t make those aristos evil.”

“But it does make them liars.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Makes you wonder what other lies they’ve told, doesn’t it?”

Slowly, I turned to face her. Her faulty logic didn’t warrant such a smug expression. “You brought me here to … this just to prove a point?”

Her legs were braced in a defensive manner. “Pretty much, yeah. You’re so f*cking blind to them. You probably think Vex is in love with you or something.”

“Don’t you judge me, human-f*cker. A human who was just murdered, might I remind you, and this is what you decide to do with your evening?” I pointed at the mirror. “And do you have a problem with your alpha? Because I’m pretty sure that was the wolf who came to your rescue the other night after I saved your thankless arse.”

Her spine stiffened. “I would die for the MacLaughlin, but he’s still an aristocrat. They f*ck halvies, but they don’t love them. I would have thought Dede’s affair with Ainsley would have taught you that.”

I could have slapped her for using Dede’s pain in such a flippant manner. “Aren’t you sweet to care?”

“Originally I’d planned to kill you, so I’d say educating you instead is an act of mercy.”

Mercy? “You think you could end me, wolf girl?”

Lupine gold brightened her eyes. “I know I could.”

I snorted, stood up straight and put myself right in her face. We were almost perfectly nose to nose. “No,” I said softly. “We both know you couldn’t.” The one thing I had absolute confidence in was my ability to fight.

Ophelia blinked. I felt rather than saw her back down. She’d driven me to that strange, calmly violent place where I could have ripped her heart out and then had tea. My hands wouldn’t even shake.

“I meant what I said earlier.” My voice was cold – detached.

“Don’t come near me again, or I will end you. Do you understand me, traitor? I’ll f*cking kill you.”

Then I walked out of the room, leaving her staring after me. I had been absolved of whatever guilt or regret I might have felt for her. We might share a mother, but we weren’t sisters.

Vex and I ended up at a quiet, low-key restaurant. I didn’t want to remain at Freak Show, where Ophelia might spy on us. We sat there, eating, drinking and talking until almost dawn.

He seemed to genuinely like me, which was good, because I genuinely liked him, despite having been warned against it.

“How well do you know my sister?” I asked.

Vex’s gaze lifted to mine over flickering candle light. The air between us smelled of rich coffee, warm sugar, spiced vanilla and the subtle musk of two bodies attracted to one another. “I was wondering when we’d get to this.”

“To what?” I might as well have batted my eyelashes I sounded so innocently surprised.

His mouth tilted on one side. He seemed to find me terribly amusing when I wasn’t even trying. “When you’d start asking about Ophelia.” He took a sip of coffee. “I’ve no desire to have her hanging over our heads, so here you go: I’ve known the girl her entire life. She’s part of my pack and under my protection. A couple of years ago she was abducted. I searched for her and never found her. Several months ago she returned to us. If I ever find who took her I’ll rip their hearts out. Yes, I know about PAH and why she was there, but if that gets back to your chief inspector brother I’ll deny it, and you and I will become those clichéd ships that passed in the night.”

I stared at him. He certainly was direct. “Whose records was she after?”

Flame reflected in his grey-blue eyes. “Whose do you think?”

“Mine.”

He grinned. “I’ve forgotten how arrogant youth can be. It’s not always about you, Xandra.”

It wasn’t said as an insult, but it stung a little. Relieved me too. “So it’s just a coincidence that you were one of the last people to speak to my sister Dede before she was taken, then Fee stole my records, and then you hit on me at Freak Show.”

Now he was the one who looked stung. “Drusilla and I discussed the weather and you. The nonsense with Ophelia might have brought you within my reach, but sleeping with you for any reason other than wanting you is not a level to which I would stoop.”

No, I realised. He’d hire someone to get information, or to sleep with me for that matter. I felt a little guilty about hoping to get information out of him now that he made it sound so tawdry.

Still, I couldn’t help but think he knew something I didn’t. Then again, if he didn’t know about Ophelia and Bedlam, he could very well say the same about me. We barely knew each other. Trust would come if this thing between us progressed.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I said. “I’ve been a little … off recently.”

“I expect you have, and I’m not offended, but you should have a little more confidence in yourself. You’re an attractive woman, and I am after all just a man.”

I snorted. That was like saying Big Ben was just a bell.

He leaned across the table, eyes flashing lupine gold. A more intelligent woman would have moved back, or at least flinched. I stayed where I was, so that we were almost nose to nose.

“I’m courting you,” he announced, words wrapped in a growl. “I haven’t courted anyone for more than fifty years. I don’t even care if that makes me sound like a f*cking antique, so drop the self-deprecation, get a leash on all the reasons why we shouldn’t do this and just admit you want me too.”

A part of me wanted to offer him my throat at that moment. It was such an instinctive thing, I actually had to stop myself from doing just that.

Plague the mess my life was in at the moment. How often did a girl have a man like this fall into her lap? He was like a schoolgirl fantasy brought to life. He’d probably end up being more drama than he was worth, but at that moment, he was an extremely good thing. He was right. I should have confidence in more than just my ability to hurt people.

“All right,” I murmured. The air around us vibrated with tension – the good kind. I thought perhaps he might throw money on the table to pay the bill and drag me out of the restaurant, or at least to the loo, for a quick shag, like in the pictures. Instead, he leaned back in his chair and went back to his coffee. The tease.

The tension eased, and I picked up my fork and went back to tackling the two desserts that sat between us on the table. He’d left me most of the crème brulée. As disappointed as I was not to be ravished, it was nice to chat. Finally, a conversation that wasn’t rife with drama. He had a lot of interesting stories to tell. When I asked about the Great Insurrection he said, “I don’t want to ruin the evening by talking about that bloody day.”

I understood. My only frame of reference was what I’d read in my history books, seen on the box or heard from Church or my father, and even then the two of them never relayed anything personal.

“Do you know anything about halvies selling their blood to aristos at Freak Show?” I asked later, as I ripped open packets of sugar and dumped it into my third cup of coffee.

“F*ck.” Vex shook his head, expression tightening. “You saw the room, didn’t you?”

I nodded, appreciating that he hadn’t lied. “Have you ever been in there?”

“Once.” He lifted his mug. “I didn’t stay long.”

I stirred my coffee, not quite meeting his gaze. “Have you ever been on the other side of the glass?”

“Christ, no.” He didn’t sound offended, though, which was lovely. “Feeding isn’t a spectator sport as far as I’m concerned.”

I managed to look him in the eye. “Have you fed from halvies?” Obviously wolves had to be more careful with their bite, but it was possible for them to take blood without doing much harm. Anything else was often treated by law as attempted murder.

Faded eyes met mine without flinching. “Yes.”

He didn’t offer excuses or apologies, and I liked that. He simply sat there and let me do with the information what I would. I smiled. “Well, you are ancient, so I reckon odds were in your favour.” Especially since he’d been around long before such things were considered taboo.

Was I making excuses or simply being open-minded?

He laughed at that. “It’s a wonder I don’t crumble to ash I’m so decrepit.”

My grin grew as I popped another bite of creamy goodness in my mouth. “I’ll make sure I carry a broom from now on.”

Finally, we finished eating. Vex paid the bill despite my insistence that I could cover my portion. He was old-fashioned that way, I supposed. We walked outside. Instead of getting into his motor carriage, Vex insisted on walking me to where I’d parked the Butler earlier. He even carried the box of pastries I bought from the dessert case.

“Thank you for tonight,” I told him as we stood beside the motorrad. “It was lovely.”

A faint smile curved his lips. “I don’t think lovely’s a word with which I’ve ever been associated. Thanks.” The smile faded. “Xandra … certain parties seem to have an extraordinary interest in several halvies, and you’re one of them. Your sister Dede is another. I’m trying to suss out why.”

I frowned. Where did that come from, and why was he telling me this now? “There’s nothing special about me.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, the leather of his long coat pulling taut across his shoulders. “Don’t be daft. You’re a very unusual woman – in the best sense. The old man wouldn’t have set his sights on you if you weren’t.”

“Church?”

He nodded. “He’s always taken a keen interest in you.”

“He saved my life.”

“Did he.” It wasn’t a question, but not quite a statement either.

“I don’t think I like what you’re saying.” I moved to pull away, but he reached out and grabbed my hand.

“You don’t have to like it.” Vex’s gaze and grip were firm. “You just have to be smart and careful. You owe yourself and the people who care for you at least that much.” I could have reacted badly to such darkly spoken words, but they had the opposite effect – they convinced me of his sincerity. This was a man who had a reputation for being heroic in every sense of the word. He had fought in the Great Insurrection and was a favourite of Queen V, despite being a wolf. He could very well be working on Victoria’s behalf. For all I knew, Ophelia could be a spy he had planted in Bedlam.

What did that mean for Dede? I stopped my imagination there – wild speculation wasn’t the answer.

“Apologies. I feel as though the ground is shifting beneath my feet.”

“I don’t think it’s going to get any steadier. You have my support, for what it’s worth.”

I met his gaze. It was open and frank. There was nothing about him that suggested I shouldn’t trust him. And yet, he was still holding out on me – I could feel it. I reckoned he felt the same about me. “Thank you.”

We stood there a moment until he checked his pocket watch. “I have to go. I’m following up on some information. I’ll ring you when I get back from Scotland?”

It took me a second to realise he was asking permission. Big bad alpha wasn’t certain if I was still into him. Cute. “You do that, my lord.”

He kissed me – rather possessively I thought, all weak in the knees – and stood there watching as I drove away. A girl could get used to such chivalry, even when she could take care of herself. I drove home with an odd sense of contentment in my stomach, despite the feeling that Vex had made me feel like I’d dropped even further down the rabbit hole.

I ate the pastries – glazed and still warm – on the sofa, and washed them down with three cups of piping-hot tea in front of the box while watching three quarters of the latest Mr Jones series – a programme about a time-travelling alien who continuously saved the aristocracy from threat of annihilation in very confounding and amazing ways.

I hated having to be on bereavement leave. Right now I could be working, at a party or a ball, or maybe the theatre. Too much time alone equalled too much time in my head, and that was not a good place for me, even on the best of days.

What was I going to do about Church? He had seemed strange the last time I saw him. He didn’t want me to trust Vex. Vex wanted me to trust him. Dede wanted me to keep my mouth shut. My mother wanted my blood. Ophelia wanted … well, who the hell knew what that hatters bitch wanted? Why weren’t my records in my file? Who had them? What was so special about me that those details needed to be hidden?

My brain was starting to hurt from all this pointless thinking. Thinking did nothing. Action was the only thing that would truly yield results.

After taking my empty dessert box to the kitchen and dumping it in the bin, I toddled – yes, toddled – off to bed. My kit was strewn across the carpet as I undressed, moving between the bedroom and the adjoining loo. Dawn hovered on the horizon and I was exhausted. I grabbed a light cotton shift to sleep in and pulled it over my head.

Face scrubbed and teeth brushed, I climbed between the soft, cool sheets with a sigh, eager for thoughtless sleep. I heard Avery come in as I burrowed into my pillow. A few minutes later her soft footsteps came into my room.

“Xandy? Are you awake?”

“Barely,” I replied, lifting my head. “What’s the matter? I thought you were staying at Em’s.”

“I reckon she deserves a reprieve from my weeping and wailing.” She was smiling, but there was a wealth of sadness in her tone – and her expression. “Thought I’d come home and see how you’re holding up.”

She was breaking my heart. “I’m … all right.” When she lingered in the doorway I knew the question she couldn’t quite bring herself to ask, and peeled back the blankets. “C’mon, then.”

The relief on her face was devastating. If I saw Dede again I was going to be sorely tempted to kick the little brat’s arse from here to Brighton for putting her family through this awful, cruel charade.

Halfway across the floor my sister stopped. “Ow.” She lifted her foot and pulled something free of it. “Found your earring.”

I hadn’t been wearing earrings tonight, but when I did, I always took them off and set them in my jewellery case on the dressing table. “Let me see.”

Simultaneously she slid into bed and handed me the earring. The faint light coming in through the windows was enough for me to study it fairly closely. It was one of mine, but it only took a second for me to realise where I’d seen it recently.

In Dede’s ear at Bedlam. She had been here. Why? It couldn’t be a coincidence given my run-in with Ophelia. I’d thought it had been dodgy, the way she insisted on hanging about.

I didn’t want Avery to see my reaction – neither the surprise nor the anger – so I rolled over to place the earring on top of the night-stand nearest me. “Thanks.”

I rolled back on to my side to find her facing me – an almost mirror image, complete with hand beneath her pillow.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see her again,” Avery whispered, her voice breaking slightly. There was no question who she was referring to.

“I know,” I replied, because it was the only thing I could say at the moment that was true but wouldn’t reveal all. Hopefully she’d think my hollow tone was from grief and not the fact that it was all I could do not to jump out of bed, go find my sister and come aboard her like a cinder that’s found its way on to the rug from the fireplace.

I stayed awake for a long time after I knew Avery was asleep. I watched her, admiring how peaceful she was. I envied her ignorance, even her grief, which I was abysmal at faking. I thought I would prefer that pain to the truth, and this gut-gnawing rage that wanted to take my head clean off my shoulders. There was only one thing that could be done about it. I was going to have to go back to Bedlam after all.

It would be rude of me not to return the earring.

Righteous indignation and hurt kept me awake for longer than I cared to admit. The sun was on its steady rise by the time I finally fell into a deep and oddly peaceful slumber. I didn’t stir until half past three. Avery had already got up, the spot in my bed where she’d slept long cooled. Yawning, I stretched and sat up, the smell of bacon and fried bread coaxing me from my little nest.

And then I remembered that Dede had snuck into my house – for whatever reason – while Ophelia followed me to Freak Show to make certain I didn’t go home and catch Dede in the act. And accused me of murder.

A girl simply could not ignore such offence. It meant going back to Bedlam, but it would be worth it to use Ophelia’s head to alleviate some aggression. Besides, it wasn’t as though the place held any fear for me any more; my mother obviously wasn’t hatters. The whole lot of them were mad, to be sure, but not in that way.

But first – food. I’d go to Bedlam later. Let the filthy bastards think they’d fooled me.

I pulled a kimono over my shift and padded barefoot down the stairs, following that heavenly scent. “When did you learn to cook?” I demanded as I approached the kitchen, only to find it wasn’t Avery at the stove at all, but Emma. Avery was at the table reading a copy of Good Day.

“My mother,” Emma replied with a wide grin. “Good morning, sunshine. Hope you don’t mind me barging in.”

I smiled back. “Sweetie, you can barge in whenever you want if you promise to cook something while you’re here.”

She laughed, and Avery glanced up from her reading with a small smile. “Oi, don’t be flirting with my girl.”

“And you’re lucky to have her.” I went to fetch a coffee mug from the cupboard. “Any good gossip?”

“Actually …”

Something in her tone made me pause in the middle of filling my cup. Cafetière in hand, I turned to her. “What?”

She flipped a few pages back and turned the magazine so I could see it. I moved closer, still clutching the cafetiére.

Staring up at me was a photo of me and Vex taken outside Freak Show. I hadn’t even noticed a flash bulb. It was the night I’d first met him at the club. We were looking at each other like hungry … well, wolves. Beneath the picture was the caption Sought-after bachelor Lord Alpha “Vexation” MacLaughlin leaves Freak Show with Royal Guard Alexandra Vardan. Is the Duke’s daughter what’s keeping him from courtesans and a mate?

“I spend one night with him and I’m to blame for the fact that he’s held off on marrying and breeding? F*ckers.” I tossed the magazine aside.

“It’s a good photo of the two of you,” Avery commented, picking the damn thing up again.

“They said it themselves, he’s sought-after.” Emma offered me a plate piled with eggs, meat and dough fried in bacon fat. “And you’re the first woman he’s been seen with publicly for a long time.”

“Every straight single bitch and halvie in the Kingdom is going to despise you.” Avery actually grinned as she said it.

“Brilliant.” I topped up her coffee and poured my own, then sat down at the table with my breakfast. “Lovely way to start a relationship.”

“Ooh,” Emma cooed as she joined us. “Relationship, is it?”

I rolled my eyes as she and Avery snickered. A few mouthfuls of heaven later I was no longer annoyed with either of them. “Move this woman into the house,” I demanded of my sister. “I want her to cook all the time.”

They laughed, but I caught the look that passed between them and felt a little stab of envy. There were times when I wanted someone with whom I could communicate with just a glance. Someone to snog and snuggle with. Halvie guys tended to avoid me, as my reputation as a scrapper preceded me. It wasn’t as though I was constantly getting into fights; it was just that I always won when I did. Things had changed a lot over the years, but men still tended to avoid women who could bosh them senseless.

I’d have to fight fairly hard to best Vex, I realised, then pushed the thought aside. Two dates didn’t make us soulmates. Wanting to trust him and na?vely wanting to believe he was on my side didn’t mean we were meant for each other.

We made small talk as we ate, the three of us avoiding the topics of Dede (thank God) and my love life (thank f*ck). I had just finished my second cup of coffee and my third piece of bacon-flavoured bread when I heard my rotary ringing. I had left it on the tallboy in the foyer when I came in this morning.

I jogged out to answer it, my heart skipping a beat when I saw that the number slots on the front had Simon’s digits in them. I pressed the button to answer immediately. “Hullo?”

“What kind of shit joke are you trying to pull on me?”

I flinched at the volume and bitterness of Simon’s tone. “I don’t know what you’re going on about.”

“Don’t give me that bollocks. The blood you brought me.”

“What about it?” My heart was dancing an Irish reel. I wondered if perhaps my mother or Ophelia had tampered with the sample, but I’d seen them take it from my vein – had accepted the vial immediately with my own hands. They couldn’t have done anything to it.

“You’re going to make me say it? Drag my humiliation out a little longer?” He was really angry.

“Simon, I’m not having you on. Now please tell me what you found out so I can be as confounded as you are.”

He hesitated, wondering whether or not I was on the up and up, no doubt. “Are you certain this is your blood?”

I knew I should lie. “Yes. As certain as I can be.”

“Well, someone made a mistake somewhere, because I don’t see how it could possibly be your blood.”

My heart drummed hard. “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s not halvie,” he replied sharply. “Love, if this is your blood you shouldn’t even exist.”