God Save the Queen

CHAPTER 8

IN THE COMPANY OF COURTESANSWhen I woke up the next day I was alone.

I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I was a little relieved. I wouldn’t have to explain anything to my sibs, and I wouldn’t have a gorgeous distraction keeping me from doing what needed to be done. Besides, Vex MacLaughlin was out of my sphere. My job was to protect his kind and his job was to produce more halvies, get married and hopefully beget fat, healthy aristo babies.

He hadn’t asked me anything about Fee or Dede, or Bedlam. We hadn’t talked much at all. Maybe it really was a coincidence that he’d come for Ophelia in the park. Maybe he really was interested in me.

Right. So interested he had to sneak out without saying goodbye.

I threw on a black velvet kimono and ran my hands through the bird’s-nest tangle of my hair before leaving the sanctuary of my room. I should shower – I had the smell of sex and wolf all over me – but I was hungry and didn’t mind being distracted until after breakfast.

The delicious aroma of fresh hot coffee rose to greet me as I went downstairs. With it came the equally appealing scents of French toast and fried sausage. My mouth watered and I walked into the kitchen to find Val at the stove, Avery, Emma and Vex at the table.

Fang me. He was still here?

Everyone looked up at my arrival. Val barely raised a brow, but Avery and Emma looked as though they were practically bursting for want of details, while Vex … he gave me a look I felt right down to my bones.

He rose to his feet and came around the table to me. One strong arm went round my waist as he gave me a quick hug. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?” he asked.

I shook my head. “You don’t have to do that. I can get it.”

He grinned. “Consider it payment for all the embarrassment my being here will no doubt cause you,” he said in a low tone. We both knew there was no point in whispering when our companions had acute hearing – and were shamelessly eavesdropping.

I slipped an arm around him. He was so big and tall, and smelled surprisingly good for a man who had yet to shower. “I’m not embarrassed.” Perhaps that was a small lie, but I wasn’t embarrassed about him, more of what my siblings might get up to.

“Good.” He kissed me and gently shoved me towards the table. “I’ll get you a cup.”

I would rather have stayed with him, but I sucked it up like a big girl and made the walk of shame to the table. My sister looked at me with such disbelief that I couldn’t help but chuckle. I sneaked a glance at Vex and caught him smiling. I suppose I could take some ribbing if it meant my brother and sister stopped thinking about Dede.

“I assume you’ve introduced yourselves,” I commented.

“Of course,” Avery retorted, expression slightly affronted. “His lordship helped me and Em carry in groceries this morning.”

“After which Avery immediately rang me,” Val added with a grin. “Told me to come straight away. I thought there were children – or at least puppies – in need of dire rescue.”

Avery pinkened as we all laughed. “Well, it’s not every day a marquess comes to call.” Or the alpha of the entire UK werewolf contingent. Vex just happened to be both.

“I should hope not,” Vex said with a grin, placing a mug of steaming coffee in front of me. “My pride would be deeply wounded.”

I raised a brow at the same time as I raised my mug. “We wouldn’t want that.”

He winked at me and I grinned. This wasn’t the first time I’d brought someone home, but it was certainly the most surreal. It felt … comfortable, and it should have been anything but.

Vex helped Val bring three large platters of food to the table. Along with the sausage and French toast there were fried tomatoes, bacon and scrambled eggs, potatoes and ham. A halvie diet needed a lot of protein in it, and this morning I found myself craving the savoury fried meats and creamy eggs. It wasn’t just a craving – I needed it.

Half-bloods have huge appetites, but my ravenous hunger was matched by Vex’s. I watched him fill his plate three times with egg-soaked fried bread and sausage, drenching both in sweet syrup. I think he drank an entire pot of coffee. And through it all he was polite and open towards my family. He asked Val about work – which I believed was genuine interest because he didn’t ask about the hospital break-in at all – then enquired as to how long Avery and Emma had been together and when they had met.

“Speaking of meetings,” Avery began with no attempt at subtlety as her wide gaze flitted between Vex and me. “How did you meet my sister, my lord?”

“Vex,” he corrected before shooting me a warm glance. “I first noticed your sister some time ago, but hadn’t the nerve to approach her until last night.”

My stomach flipped over. He had to be joking, hadn’t he?

“Really?” Avery echoed my doubt, and were it not for Vex I would have pinched her.

The werewolf laughed – that deep bark I’d heard the night before. It rumbled through my entire body. “Really.”

There was something odd in his gaze. He seemed sincere, but there was a glimmer of regret as well. It disappeared in a flash, but I knew I hadn’t imagined it. I had no idea what had caused it either. To be honest, I didn’t want to think too hard about it. Why ruin a perfectly good afternoon with paranoia?

After breakfast, Emma insisted on doing the washing-up, and Vex announced that he had a meeting with the Queen later that day so had best be on his way. I walked him out.

I turned to face him, to tell him all the usual things one said when saying goodbye to someone they’d shagged, but I never got a chance to speak. Strong arms closed around me, lifting me clean off the floor so that my toes brushed against his shins. For a moment I thought he might devour me, and I was prepared to die with a smile on my face. He kissed me hard and good and hungry – and it didn’t feel like goodbye. It felt more like “to be continued”.

Good, because in addition to being the first man in my bed for quite some time, he was my only link to Ophelia outside of Bedlam.

“What was that for?” I asked when we came up for air.

He set me down, but didn’t let me go. “Because you feel like home, and I’d rather stay with you and your family than drink bottled blood out of Queen V’s china cups.” A slow smile curved his lips. “I suppose that sounds like romantic drivel from an old wolf.”

Throat tight, I shook my head. There was nothing old about him. “I think it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Vex stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I would like to see you again.”

I nodded. “My schedule’s open.” Bereavement leave tended to have that effect.

“Dinner tomorrow night?”

I was half disappointed he didn’t want to get together tonight and half exultant because tomorrow wasn’t that far away. “It’s a date.”

“I’ll ring you to make plans.” He kissed me again before slipping on a pair of dark glasses that would protect his sensitive eyes from the sun. Weres didn’t have the sun issues that vampires did, but they were still nocturnal creatures, weaker in the daylight.

The door clicked shut behind him. Not even ten seconds later, Avery, Val and Emma pounced on me. Who would have thought my love life would displace Dede’s “death” as topic of choice? That was fine by me; at least when I answered their questions about Vex I didn’t have to lie.

After the interrogation was over, I dressed and then went downstairs to the cellar, where Avery and I trained and worked out. Being stronger than humans was well and good, but as halvies we needed to keep our bodies and our skills honed. It was something I took very seriously as part of the Royal Guard, even if I was on forced leave.

Val was already there, beating the sand out of a punching bag with his bare fists.

“Doesn’t the Yard provide a gymnasium for you lot?” I asked.

He stopped punching long enough to glance at me. “I’ve been told to stay away from work for the remainder of my bereavement leave.”

“Ah.” His situation was the same as mine, and he didn’t like to be idle any more than I did. I suppose spending too much time in our heads was a family trait.

I held the bag steady for him, putting my own weight behind it to give him more exercise. “Val, there’s something I need to talk to you about. That girl who broke into Prince Albert—”

“Ophelia Blackwood, your sister, I know.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“You saved her from a betty attack later that night. I saw the park surveillance footage. It’s all right, Xandy. You’re not guilty by association. It’s not like you and she have been hanging out, and even if you had been, it’s not as though she’d make you privy to her plans.”

“No.” But she had – sort of.

He swiped the back of his arm across his brow. “I know she’s one of MacLaughlin’s. The Yard’s already spoken to him, otherwise I might be suspicious of the two of you suddenly making a connection.”

“Suspicious how?” I didn’t sound too defensive.

“You know how the vamps and weres are – neither bunch trusts the other. MacLaughlin is the only one who ever dares challenge Her Majesty. Add that to the fact that he was one of the last people seen talking to Dede before her arrest and … well, if I hadn’t watched his interview myself, I’d wonder why he’d suddenly developed an interest in our family. If he had something to do with Dede’s death.”

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly very dry. “Albert’s fangs, Val. Way to destroy a girl’s ego.” I sounded caustic, but inside I was twitching. He’d outgunned even my own suspicions. Was Vex a traitor too? Why hadn’t he mentioned talking to Dede before she “died”?

What had I fallen into? I thought he could give me some info on Fee. Thought maybe he intended to use me for the same. I hadn’t quite thought about the fact that there might be something darker behind his interest.

If I told Val what I knew, I could walk away from it all and let him take it to the Yard, but then I’d be brought in for questioning, as would Vex. Bedlam would be raided, and four people with whom I was connected would be arrested.

That wouldn’t look good for me, or the rest of my family. There were more people at stake here than just me and Dede. I had to do this the right way. I had to find out just what exactly was going on.

Val frowned. “Are you all right? I’m sorry, Xandy. You must think I’m a complete git. Of course MacLaughlin is with you because he wants to be with you.”

I forced a smile. “Just thinking about Dede. No worries. Enough talking. Let’s spar.”

Fighting with him was a fabulous focus. I had to concentrate on not getting my arse kicked, so there was no room for Dede or anything else – not even Vex.

Afterwards, sweaty and bruised, I hugged my brother and ran upstairs to shower. Things seemed so much clearer when I was clean. While I was getting dressed, my rotary rang. It was Mrs Jones, apologising for calling, but she’d had someone enquire about Dede’s flat, and would it be possible for me to come round and start tidying up? She’d gladly help me if I needed it. Since I had nothing else to do, I told her I’d be by in a bit, and for her not to worry, I could take care of it.

I disconnected with a shake of my head. Mrs Jones had always been friendly, but hadn’t she told me Dede had paid up until month’s end? Couldn’t wait to get the dead halvie’s stuff out and some new tenant in. F*cking humans.

I finished dressing in trousers, black shirt and grey corset, put my hair up, slipped on my high black boots and buckled them, and then grabbed a black frock coat from the wardrobe. It was a good thing I liked black, else this mourning shit would make me feel like a bloody crow.

Dede had better appreciate me maintaining her thoughtless ruse. Why pretend to be dead? Why not be a traitor and openly alive? She said someone had tried to kill her, but I wasn’t sure I believed that any more than I believed her child was alive. The fact remained, however, that she believed both things with all her heart.

Before departing my room, I took the vial of blood from the pocket of the coat I’d worn the night before. It was still whole, the glass cool against my fingers. I made a fist around it; debated whether or not to toss it in the bin.

“Plague it.” I shoved the vial into my pocket. As an afterthought, I strapped on the Bulldog, using a holster that slung low on my hips and fastened round my thigh. I couldn’t wear the shoulder harness because of the tight fit of my coat. I felt a bit like one of those American gunslingers with the weapon so close to my fingers.

Downstairs was empty as I strode through the foyer to the door. I grabbed the keys to the Butler and a pair of dark goggles, and walked out into the late afternoon. The summer sun was high in the sky, warm and bright.

My first stop was the Prince Albert Hospital – the same place Fee had broken into. I needed to see my friend Simon. I didn’t trust my half-sister, but her advice about taking the blood to someone I trusted was sound. Simon was the only person I would trust with something like this.

“What have you got for me, gorgeous?” he asked when I walked into his domain of mass spectrometers, centrifuges and various other bits of equipment I couldn’t name. It was clean and discreet and that was all I cared about.

Simon was a tall, lanky halvie from up Birmingham way. Nerdishly cute, he had floppy brown hair that fell over his forehead and pretty blue eyes over which he wore stylish spectacles.

I offered him the vial of blood. “Can you do a work-up on this for me? All the bells and whistles.”

He took the vial and held it up to the light. “Anything for you, luvvie. Whose is it?”

“Mine,” I replied ignoring Fee’s command not to tell.

He shot me a quizzical look. “You all right, darling?”

“I’m fine. I think. I need this to be just between us, Simon. Seriously.”

He looked concerned, but thankfully didn’t press. “When do you need the results?”

“Soon as possible. There’s a triple espresso in it for you.”

“Now you’re just talking dirty. I don’t have much going on, I’ll make it my top priority.”

Relief put a grin on my face. “Thanks, Simon. I knew you’d come through.”

A smile tilted one side of his mouth, but his gaze retained a glimmer of worry. “Ring you when I have the results.”

I turned to go, then stopped. “What do you know about the records theft the other night?”

He shrugged. “Nothing. No one here is saying much about it. Were your records amongst the ones stolen too?”

I nodded. “Yours?”

“You know it, though not like mine have anything good in them. I reckon they were after one halvie in particular. Maybe two. It throws suspicion if they take a bunch of other random ones.”

His words sent a shiver of unease down my spine. And I’d given Vex a hard time about his ego. Mine wasn’t much weaker. Why did I instantly assume that my records were the ones they were after?

Because Fee had waved that file in my face like a red scarf in front of a bull.

“You watch too many procedurals, Simon.”

He laughed. “Got to have some excitement in my life. Call you in a few days, love.”

I thanked him and told him he was my favourite labby, and then left the building. I was a little nervous about the outcome, though I was fairly certain there was nothing special about my blood. Still, if Ophelia was to be believed, someone had mucked about with my medical records, and I wanted to know why. Was I one of the experiments Dede had gone on about? Or maybe, Ophelia just wanted to have something to hold over my head so I wouldn’t go outing their little rebellion to the authorities.

There was no point in getting all mental about it until I had the results. My grip on sanity felt tenuous at best, so why step on my own fingers?

I made the trip to Whitechapel in record time. The flat was just as it had been during my last visit. Mrs Jones had left boxes outside the door for me, along with a large roll of tape. She was in quite a hurry indeed.

I tossed my coat on the sofa and put two of the boxes together. One was for things I’d take with me. The other was for donations. If Dede wanted any of it back, she could drag her arse to the charity shop. I certainly wasn’t risking my own neck to take it to her. I was in too deep as it was.

Why couldn’t I have just believed she was dead?

I went through her ACs and VCs. A lot of them I already owned, but I took some anyway and some of the extras for Avery and Val.

Someone was going to have to come and collect her furniture. Was betraying your country worth leaving your life and family behind? Obviously it was, because Dede had done just that.

I had tried to wrap my head around it long enough. No more. Instead I popped a cylinder into the player and turned the volume up. I was so taking her audio system home with me.

It was because of the high volume of the music and my subsequent singing along that I didn’t hear footsteps approach the door. In fact, I didn’t know I had company until the door of the apartment swung open. I whipped the Bulldog out of its holster and levelled it at the intruder.

Churchill froze on the threshold, watching me as warily as if I was a wild animal.

“I hope you’re not planning on using that thing,” he joked.

Safety on, I slipped the handgun back into place, snug against my hip and upper thigh. Then, as I turned the volume down, “Apologies, sir. Reckon I’m a little on edge.”

He nodded and stepped inside. “I should have announced myself. Obviously it would be difficult to hear me over the music.” And my caterwauling along with it. But if Church hadn’t wanted me to hear him, it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d been sitting here in stone silence, I don’t think I would have known he was there.

When I didn’t say anything, he remarked, “You sounded rather chipper.”

That came across as vaguely censorious. Or maybe I was just paranoid. After Bedlam and Val’s remarks about Vex, the ground was a little unsteady under my usually sure feet. I put a photograph of me, Dede, Avery and Val in the box of stuff to take home. “I considered wailing and gnashing my teeth, but it’s not a good look for me.”

He chuckled, and I relaxed a little. “Rumour has it that you were quite chummy with the MacLaughlin at Freak Show last evening.”

I paused over the box. “If rumour has it then it must be so.” I forced a smile to soften the words, but I had no intention of discussing my personal life with Church. What I did want to discuss was the things I’d discovered at Bedlam, but that wasn’t going to happen.

And why wasn’t it? This was my chance to tell him everything and wash my hands of it. Keeping quiet would only make things worse. Yet here I was, keeping my own counsel. Church would not excuse Dede for being part of the group who had killed his friends and family during the Great Insurrection. He wouldn’t forgive me for keeping it from him either.

I opened my mouth to speak …

“Grief can lead to poor choices, Alexandra. I do hope you will be careful in your dealings with the marquess.” A deep furrow cleaved the flesh between his brows. “I hate to think of what he’d do to an impressionable girl like you.”

Dealings? Impressionable? “I didn’t ask him to do my taxes, Church. We had some drinks and danced, that’s all.”

His gaze locked with mine and I noticed his jaw was tight. “You left with him.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him just how little I liked this condescending attitude when a particular flicker in his eyes stopped me; made my stomach clench.

Was Church jealous? Fang me.

“I did,” I replied, placing another photo in the box. “And that’s really none of your business, sir.” I tried to keep my tone even, but I was starting to feel like the whole world was going barking mad. Thoughts of confiding in him disappeared as my defences came up.

Church looked as though I’d slapped him. “You’re right. It isn’t any of my business with whom you spend your free time. I thought our years of friendship gave me the right to speak freely with you. I see now that was an error, my apologies.”

I sighed and reached for another photo. “Martyrdom doesn’t suit you, old man. I appreciate your concern, but there’s no need for it. You don’t like the marquess and I respect that, but I do, so you need to respect that in return.”

He opened his mouth as though to argue with me, but closed it just as quickly. “Fine.”

The word must have left a poor taste in his mouth, given his pinched expression. I smiled, for a moment forgetting all my questions and suspicions. “What brings you to this part of town, Church?”

He looked about the flat. “I got your message. It sounded important. I thought we could chat face to face, and I could help you put Dede’s affairs in order.”

I hesitated, a statue of Danger Mouse in my hand. Right. I had called him. Didn’t seem like such a smart move with hindsight. “That’s not your responsibility. Not like she was with the Academy or RG.”

“No, but she was Peerage Protectorate, and I’m on the board. Plus, as a friend of the family, I’m here to do all I can for you in your time of need.”

Twenty-four hours ago I would have believed him without question, but paranoia made me suspicious – and Church had trained me to be that way. Did he suspect Dede had faked her death? I had told him my own theory; had he followed up and discovered the truth about Bedlam?

No. If Church had found out about Bedlam, it would have been raided by now.

Unless he knew I’d been there and he was trying to protect me. F*ck.

“That’s very good of you, sir.” I was a better actress than I thought – not a hint of falsehood in my tone. “Thank you for your concern, but I have the situation in hand. I’m sorry for the dramatic message. I was feeling … out of sorts.”

He picked up a bobble-head doll that sat on a shelf by the door and studied it. “Dear Alexandra. You wouldn’t ask for help even if you needed it, would you, you stubborn, stoic girl?”

My brow twitched but didn’t arch, thank God. Stubborn maybe, but stoic? Did he know me at all? “No,” I admitted. “Probably not. Can I get you anything? I think there’s tea in the cupboard.”

He held up a broad hand. “Please, do not trouble yourself. I’m off to the Devonshires’ later this evening and have several pressing things to take care of before then.”

I stared at his hand. No doubt that lack of fine bones made him stand out amongst his own kind even more. Did he blame his mother for it, as I blamed mine for my moments of madness?

I reckon I couldn’t blame her any more. Seeing as how she wasn’t really mad, it was a useless exercise. All nuttiness was completely my own.

“I’ll probably spend most of the night here,” I volunteered. “Not like I have anything else to do.”

He lifted his chin as he pinned me with a frankly questioning gaze. “You would rather be at work than spend this difficult time with your family?”

“I would rather be at work than alone with my own thoughts, sir.” That was true – and more of a confession than I should have given. Then I added, “Grief and idle hands do not mix.”

I thought Church might take his leave now, but he didn’t. Instead, he came closer, leaning one elbow on the box of things I’d planned to take with me. “You went to Bedlam last night. Might I ask if that had anything to do with why you rang?”

He did suspect something. “I wanted to have my own private memorial to my sister. And afterwards I suppose I felt rather sorry for myself.” I busied my hands with putting more items in the boxes, so that I didn’t adopt a defensive posture. Wait a moment … “Might I ask how you knew where I was, sir?” And how had he known where to find me now?

I felt him watching me as I worked. “When Avery told me you hadn’t returned home with her, I checked your locator chip. I was concerned for you.”

Concerned for me maybe. But he’d definitely been concerned as to what I’d been up to. I made a mental note to dig out my old displacer. We’d used them when we used to sneak out to go clubbing. Basically they fooled the transmitters beneath our skin into thinking they were somewhere else, so if a parent or Academy employee tried to check up on us they’d think we were somewhere much more suitable than the truth.

I hadn’t used my displacer since joining the RG because I thought the tracker a good idea given the danger of the job, but now it seemed more like an invasion of privacy than a safety precaution. “You could have rung me instead of spying on me.”

Church smiled slightly. It was an expression I’d always thought of as calming; now it struck me as falsely placating. Damn Dede for making me question him! “Don’t be like that, Alexandra. I don’t mean to pry.”

That both mollified and chastised me. “Beg pardon, sir. I’m not myself at present.”

He straightened and patted my hand with his own much larger one. “No offence taken, my dear. If you do not require assistance I will leave you to your unfortunate task. You will let someone come by and take away what you do not keep, won’t you? You won’t try to do everything yourself?”

It was a kind sentiment, and I tried to see it as just that. I nodded. “I will, promise.”

“Take care, my dear girl.” Then he cupped the back of my head with his palm and kissed me on the forehead. My throat tightened, my eyes burned. It was all I could do at that moment not to fall down at his feet and admit everything, beg his forgiveness and his help.

But I held my tongue and knees firmly in place, and didn’t even dare to breathe until he was gone, door closed behind him. Then, my shoulders sagged and I drew a deep breath into my lungs.

I was hungry.

All the boxes Mrs Jones had left were filled and taped up in the middle of the living-room floor. I’d packed almost all of the cylinders and knick-knacks from the open area. I’d need more boxes for the bedroom, loo and kitchen. I’d have to rent a van to take everything I wanted to keep.

I grabbed a packet of crisps from the cupboard and ate those before climbing on to the Butler. There was an Indian restaurant I liked near Drury Lane, and since I didn’t feel like going home, I went there instead. As soon as I sat down I realised that I was the only person at a table alone. Everyone else was there with someone, or a table full of someones.

I ordered food, and when it came I ploughed through the basmati, naan and rich butter chicken in record time. I followed it up with a sinfully delicious dessert and left the restaurant sated.

I went next to St James’s, to a gorgeous sprawling building of pale stone and tall columns. It looked like a palace, but was actually the most prestigious brothel in the Kingdom – Courtesan House. I had spent much of my early life there, and had visited often through the years afterwards, but as I stood outside the gate, I hesitated to push the button that would alert staff to my presence.

What did I hope to accomplish with this visit? Was I looking for truth, absolution or something else? How many times did I have to pick this scab before I could be satisfied with the scar? Nothing I might find in this house would make the last few days any better or make any more sense. I should just turn on my heel and go home. Later, if Avery and Emma were around, I’d order pizza and we’d share a bottle of wine.

I pressed the button.

There followed a crackle of static before I was asked to identify myself. I’d no sooner said my name then the gates began to open with a clink and the whisper of well-oiled hinges.

Finely crushed gravel crunched beneath the thick soles of my boots as I walked up the drive. As children, those of us who lived here would run down to the gate and stare out at the world beyond. Sometimes there would be human children there, mocking us because we could only gaze out at their wonderful world. Occasionally we were taken out on trips, but halvie children were vulnerable and there were humans who were not above killing what they perceived as a monster, even if it was a child. Our world was this place until we were old enough to go to the Academy, and then that became our world until we’d proved we could defend ourselves. What happened after that depended on aptitude and choice.

Returning here was like coming home again, and a combination of dread and elation unfurled in my stomach. I’d been back but a handful of times after my mother was taken away, and the anxiety of that memory clung to this place like the stench of a rotten tooth.

It was a long walk up the curving drive that cut through the pristine lawn with obsessive precision. Beautifully manicured trees were placed in exactly the right places so as to be aesthetically pleasing without seeming completely pretentious. An air of respectability clung to the place even though it was essentially a whorehouse – a very pricey one that was run by the Crown and open to aristocrats only, but a whorehouse nevertheless.

Some of the human children used to like to remind us of that, call our mothers vile names and talk like we were dirty and inferior to them because our mothers had been paid to have us – as though that made their love less real. Na?ve as we were, we didn’t understand how they could possibly hate us for having an entire house of maternal love and attention. I was a teenager before I realised that humans simply hated us; the circumstances surrounding our births was just a convenient excuse.

There was a black wreath on the door, its ribbons whispering in the slight breeze. The noise of the city was a muted hum, easily ignored. I was captivated by those ribbons and the lilies woven into the wreath with them. I’d never thought; the entire house was in mourning – for Dede. This was the worst time for me to show up asking questions.

I turned on my heel, prepared to sprint back the way I’d come, but the door opened and I was stopped by a familiar voice.

“I do hope you weren’t planning to leave without saying hello.”

Wiping the grimace from my face, I turned. I didn’t have to force a smile; it came readily. “Is this a bad time, Sayuri?”

Val’s mother was matron of Courtesan House. She was incredibly tiny, with smooth skin and the barest of lines around her dark eyes. She wore her thick black hair up in the Gibson style, little tendrils hanging around her fair cheeks. She looked like a Japanese doll, in a long white gown with black flowers embroidered along the hem and cuffs of its full sleeves. Her hands were clasped at her cinched waist.

Her head tilted ever so slightly over her left shoulder. “It is never a bad time to see you, child. Come inside.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I could knock her halfway to Whitby but I would never dream of defying or arguing with her.

That I loved her was a testament to just what kind of woman she was. She was human, pure and true, and I loved her regardless. I loved all the women of this house who had cared for me when I was a child, and even now as an adult. In my mind they transcended their species, as though courtesan was its own classification. I supposed it was – in a way. Not every human had the right mutated genes to birth a half-blood child.

I jogged up the shallow steps and right into her open arms. I felt big and clumsy as I folded myself around her, but there was steel in her spine – more so than I feared there was in mine. It was easy to see why my father had chosen her to carry his firstborn, and her beauty was only part of it.

“How is Lecia?” I asked as we crossed the threshold, Sayuri’s arm around my waist.

The little woman shook her head, a firm set to her mouth. “A mother’s grief settles into the soul, tearing it into little pieces so that she will never be the same again.”

This was the Sayuri I had always known. One moment she could be sharply succinct and the next almost poetic in her verbosity. My own mouth remained silent. I was so angry at Dede in that moment for putting her own mother through this. She would argue that her mother would rather she was dead than a traitor, but I’d bet my fangs that Lecia would prefer to know that her daughter hadn’t killed herself, that she was alive.

We walked into the matron’s office. Sayuri closed the door behind us and gestured to the plush sofa. “Sit.”

I did as I was told. She rang for tea, and a few moments later I had a hot cup of Darjeeling and several sugar biscuits – the fat, soft kind that had so much flavour they made your mouth sigh with every bite.

“You didn’t come just to check on Lecia or say hello to an old friend, did you, Xandra?”

I dunked a piece of biscuit in my tea. “You were here when they took my mother away, weren’t you, Sayuri?”

She went still – even for her. It was only a moment, but I noticed it. “Yes.”

This was the first time either of us had spoken of it to each other. She had to know I’d come asking questions one day.

“Was it because she was hatters or to get rid of her?”

Sayuri shifted in her chair. This was the most discomposed I’d ever seen her. “I don’t believe I am the one you should discuss this with, Xandra.”

“If not you, then who? Not like I can ask my mother.” Of course that was a lie, but she couldn’t know that.

Sympathy flashed in her eyes, but I refused to feel guilty about it. I didn’t know if I could trust my mother or my father to tell me the truth, but Sayuri loved me, had cared for me. She was the one person I knew who was incapable of lying.

“Juliet was unwell,” she said slowly. “Leaving the house was in her best interests. It was in the best interests of everyone who lived here.”

I shook my head. “I don’t remember her being mad.”

Her dark gaze locked with mine. “I never said she was mad.”

Right, she was “unwell”. I didn’t push it, because I saw something in her eyes that stopped me: fear. She was afraid to tell me.

“What is it, Saysay?” I had the big guns out now, using the name I’d called her as a child.

She shook her head. “I made your mother a promise that I would never, ever tell you what happened. I have no intention of breaking that, whether you can speak to her or not. You’ll have to talk to your father if you want the truth.”

But would he tell me the truth? Would my mother?

“I just don’t understand the big mystery,” I confided. “All I want to know is why she was taken to Bedlam.”

The matron tilted her head as she set her cup on its saucer. “It’s been twelve years. Why now?”

Yes, smartarse, why now? I couldn’t tell her it was because dear Mama and I had been reunited. “Dede’s death has made me nostalgic, I suppose.”

More guilt stung at the softening of her features. “You poor girl. Yes, of course it makes sense. How insensitive of me.”

“You’re the least insensitive person I know,” I admitted, in one of the rare honest moments I’d had since I arrived. “I don’t want you to break your promise, no matter how much I want to know the truth. Just …” I sighed, tears suddenly burning the back of my eyes. “Just tell me it wasn’t because of me.”

I hadn’t realised just how afraid I was, how terrified the recent barrage of cryptic comments and bizarre revelations had made me – terrified that somehow I was to blame for everything awful that had happened to the people I loved. It was foolish – and the height of narcissism – but I had to own up to it if I ever wanted to get my head out of my arse.

Sayuri rose from her chair and came to me, sitting down on the sofa next to me and wrapping her slender arms around my shoulders. I sagged into the hug, embarrassing myself by actually letting the tears flow. But if I couldn’t cry in these arms, I couldn’t cry anywhere. The scent of flowers and spices enveloped me, a familiar aroma that made me think of safety and security.

“Sweet girl,” she murmured against my hair. “Of course it had nothing to do with you. She loved you. She still loves you. You are not to blame.”

I accepted that, because I needed to believe it, and it was the closest thing to the truth I was going to get.

The next afternoon, Vex kept his promise to call and asked if I wanted to meet him at Freak Show that evening for a drink and then dinner. Of course I said yes, and immediately went to my wardrobe to find what I could wear for our date.

After selecting an outfit, I tried to keep busy for the rest of the day, but after working out, I didn’t have much to occupy my time except for my thoughts – which by now I’d established to be an exercise in self-pity.

I didn’t want to think about Dede any more. I didn’t want to think about my mother or how my life had gone arse over tits. If I had someone to spend time with – go shopping or have coffee – I wouldn’t be stuck here with nothing but my own mind to amuse me.

I didn’t have any friends, not really. Until now I’d never thought I needed any, but it would be nice to have someone I could meet for drinks or maybe go clubbing with. I used to do that kind of thing with Avery and Dede, but now Avery was practically married and Dede was a traitor.

And I still had my head up my arse.

So I returned to Dede’s to pack up the remainder of her things. The apartment was neat, but one of the boxes I’d packed before wasn’t where I had left it. Someone had been in here, poking about. Some of Dede’s Bedlam friends? It was reason to be alarmed, but I couldn’t manage much more than annoyance. I did not need this added shit. It was Dede’s problem, not mine. Cold but true.

I spent a handful of hours packing, then called a removals company and made arrangements for them to come in and take the boxes and the furniture away to storage. I’d figure out what to do with it all later.

It was time for me to go. I only had a couple of hours to get home, change, take my supps – which I’d forgotten again – and leave to meet Vex. I left the apartment and locked the door behind me.

In the corridor a scent assaulted me like a faceful of warm chocolate. The roof of my mouth tingled and saliva rushed over my tongue. What was that incredible smell? It was rich and earthy, with a faint salty copper tang.

Blood. It was blood. The realisation crashed over me like a wave, bringing shame and horror with it. What was wrong with me? I never used to crave blood like that – never wanted it so badly. Now twice in a matter of days I’d been overwhelmed by the need to bite and drink. It had to be stress – that was the only explanation I could think of. I pressed my forehead to the cool whitewashed wall and waited for the craving to pass, gums aching as I fought to keep my fangs from extending.

A man came up the stairs, gave me an odd look and then continued on to his own flat. It was him that I had smelled. Him that I had wanted to take a bite out of. He was fortunate that I was disgusted not only by my own desire, but by him as well, else I might have tackled him to the floor.

My knees were trembling as I made my way down to the first floor. I fished a packet of crisps out of my pocket and stuffed them into my mouth by the handful. That would take the edge off until I got home. I’d get some real food and take my supplements. I’d been too lax about taking them lately.

Once home, I took my supps, grabbed two slices of cold pizza from the fridge and devoured them while I ran a bath scented with vanilla oil. I was much more myself once I slipped into the hot, sudsy water.

Afterwards I dried off, rubbed cream into my skin, put on some make-up and pulled on snug violet trousers, white tank and black velvet corset. High-heeled black boots gave me extra height and I topped it all off with a velvet choker and leather frock coat. My hair was coiled into two artfully messy buns on either side of my head.

Oddly enough, I was a little early as I approached the entrance to the club. Just as I walked past an alleyway someone grabbed me. A very strong someone. I reached for my dagger but they pulled my arm behind my back and slammed me face first into the side of the nearest wall. The brick scraped my cheek as I struggled.

“Why did you do it?” a voice hissed in my ear.

Ophelia? “Do what?”

She wrenched my arm higher. I ground my teeth, swallowing the grunt that desperately wanted to crawl out from between my lips. “You know what you did.”

“Honestly, sis,” I growled against the brick. “I don’t have the slightest idea of what the f*ck you’re talking about.” But she was seriously pissing me off.

The pressure on my arm eased a little bit and I took advantage of her hesitation. I pushed against the wall with my free hand, shoved myself backwards and cracked the crown of my head into her face. She released my arm and I whirled around with a roundhouse to her chest, knocking her to the other wall.

Ophelia touched the back of her hand to her lip – it was bleeding. When she looked at me her eyes glowed yellow in the dim light. The wolf in her had come out to play. Shit. The predator in me responded by unsheathing my fangs, extending them from my itching gums. That bloodlust I’d felt earlier came rushing back. At least this time I understood why I felt it.

We dived for one another, colliding like snarling cats. Fists and feet flew – some connected and some didn’t, but each of us was in it to win, possibly to kill. And I had no idea why.

She hit me hard in the face, and I retaliated with a kick intended to get her in the stomach but caught her in the thigh instead as she managed to move out of the way. She smashed me in the skull with a brick. I staggered back, world spinning as my head rang like Big f*cking Ben. Ophelia grabbed me by the throat and squeezed. Blackness threatened to take me down.

“Why did you do it?” she demanded. “He’d done nothing to you. Nothing.”

“Didn’t … do …” That was all I managed to say before I was robbed of oxygen and started gasping for breath.

Something took hold of me then and reared up in the darkness flooding my mind. I loosened her grip and sucked air into my starving lungs as I lunged forward, slamming against the side of the building. My fangs scraped the warm skin of her neck before I managed to regain control. I threw myself backwards, shoulders smashing against the opposite wall of the alley.

Panting, fighting for calm, I leaned against the wall to keep from falling to my knees, and looked up at Ophelia, who slid down the wall to sit at the bottom of it, elbows on her knees, forehead against her fists. She didn’t seem to notice that I’d almost ripped her throat out. I’m not sure she even realised how close I’d come to seriously hurting her.

Against my better judgement, I went and sat down next to her on the cold dirt and stone. I touched my head where she’d hit me. Thankfully it wasn’t bleeding. “What happened?”

She lifted her head and looked at me with real anguish in her eyes and a stony tightness to her jaw. “Raj.” Her voice was rough and raw.

“Your human?” I didn’t know how else to phrase it.

She nodded. “He went out earlier today and didn’t come back. When I rang him, he didn’t answer. Finally I went looking for him.”

I didn’t like the direction this conversation seemed to be headed. “You found him?”

She nodded and ran her hands over her hair. “Yeah. I found him.” She sniffed and turned her head towards me, hand cupping the back of her neck. “He’s dead.”