He looked the same as I had always remembered him, the imprint of his features still strong in my mind. His hair, as black as mine, was longer than I remembered. It made him look older and more travel worn. He looked up to me with his rounded face, his strong jaw tight and defiant as he fought against the men who held him. His eyes were as green as mine were before they changed, my breath catching at how much I looked like him. The resemblance that would never have been recognized in a child was now obvious in his teenager. Thom was right, I looked just like him.
He blinked at seeing me there, his eyes instantly glossing over with unshed tears. I could see the confusion and heartbreak that must have been tearing him up inside.
I could only stare at him. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to react to this man. He was my Father. My heart beat heavily against my chest as it screamed at me to run to him. Part of me wanted to. But another part was too hurt to care.
We stared at each other, a million words, thoughts, and purposes flowing between us, before Cail cut off our individualized reveries.
“We hold in our possession two of your friends, your lover, and even your Father. And who do you still have? A ‘Protector’. Someone who hasn’t even told you the truth yet.”
I looked between them all, my heart breaking at seeing them there. I had to remind myself that this was only a dream. They weren’t really here. I could not save them. But most importantly, I reminded myself that I could not tell Cail of Ilyan’s current state. I swallowed the giant lump in my throat and looked away from them, trying to keep my confidence high.
“Let them go,” I snarled.
“Why? We have the upper hand. We. Are. Winning. And you, you don’t even know what’s going on.” He smiled and I pushed against his strong arms.
“Now, now, don’t go anywhere yet. We still haven’t gotten to our game! You see, we have four people in front of us and you can pick one. One that you will not have to watch die right now. The others we will kill before you. You will not have to see the last die, but here is the clincher. Whoever you choose will have to watch you die before we will release them from this nightmare, and let them wake up.”
I fought against him, not wanting to hear anymore, not wanting to play his game.
“Who do you choose, Joclyn? Who do you want to watch you die?”
I looked at each of them as they fought their captors. Each one had fought for me, and I for them. I fought the burning emotions behind my eyes as I looked between them, my vision stopping at my Father. He didn’t fight against those who held him. He met my eyes, nodding his head once in understanding. I inhaled deeply.
“My Father,” I said. “I choose my Dad.”
He nodded to me once more, my mouth forming the words ‘I’m sorry’ hoping desperately that he would understand.
“It’s okay, Joclyn.” A million childhood memories flooded me with his voice.
“Wonderful!” Cail sneered, his hold on me tightening. “She’s made her choice. Dispose of the rest.”
I tried to look away, but Cail held my head as three swords plunged through the chests of my friends. In sync, each screamed, and gargled as the life left their bodies. Wyn’s hand extended helplessly toward Talon. I tried not to cry, tried to convince myself that they were not hurt, that it was only a dream. But the tears dripped down my cheeks anyway.
“No!” I yelled the word even though I didn’t want to, even though I knew it was useless.
Cail laughed at me, holding my head in place for a moment longer as I watched their lifeless bodies on the forest floor.
Cail, thankfully, didn’t let my eyes linger long before turning me to face my Father, the men behind him holding him in place and forcing his eyes open so he didn’t miss a thing. I saw the flash of the blade to my side, praying that whatever Cail was going to do would happen quickly.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I closed my eyes as I spoke, not wanting to know what was going to happen.
I felt the flow of the air as the sword moved, and then the pain filled me. I screamed at the impact, at the intensity of the agony. I continued screaming as Cail’s arm around me disintegrated and the rough sheet of my bunk took its place.
I continued to scream and writhe at the memory of the pain, waiting for the arm to wrap around me that would never come. I cried, and howled, and yelled in panic. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that Thom and Dramin could hear me.
I screamed Ilyan’s name until I had gained a little bit of control over myself. Still shaken, I replaced his name with his song. My shaky voice was louder than usual, the song ricocheting around the stone walls that threatened to swallow me whole. I sang Ilyan’s song over and over until my voice became a whisper, and then faded to nothing.
I didn’t dare move. I faced the cave wall, not wanting to know if Thom or Dramin had witnessed my episode. I held still for much longer than necessary, not daring to go back to sleep, no matter how much my exhausted body begged me too. When I was sure that enough time had passed, I turned, thankful to find no one but Ilyan’s still body that lay in the bunk across the common area from me.