“He was! He had his hands around his neck. He couldn’t breathe.”
“Just shut up!” Lex explodes. “He was trying to protect you, by the way. If you hadn’t been slutty enough to go off with Penn in the first place—”
“I didn’t go off with Penn!”
“Then what were you doing out here with him?”
“I don’t know what he was doing. I went for a walk. I was … upset about something.”
“Yeah, what?”
“None of your business!”
“Don’t flatter yourself, love. Like I care.”
“You’re an idiot,” she spits.
“I’m an idiot? You’re the one standing around arguing with me over nothing. And you’re the one who fucking kicked Win in the face!”
“I told you!” Jordan screams. “I had to!”
“Whatever.”
“Is he okay?” Jordan’s voice sounds closer, but I’ve closed both eyes again. I can’t see a thing.
“Oh, now you care?”
“Yes. Like you’re one to talk. You’re a jerk to him every chance you get.”
“You don’t know anything,” Lex says. “You don’t.”
I flip onto my belly and push to my hands and knees. The entire left side of my face throbs and the tightness I feel must be swelling, but when I blink and squint, I can see. Jordan’s boot tip landed on the side of my eye, and while my cheek might be fractured, my vision is fine.
There’s a momentary weight lifted, a tiny sense of relief. I am not blind. I breathe deeply but cannot relax. I catch sight of the moon in the far corner of the night sky. It’s dipping behind the mountain. It won’t be long before it’s gone, before the day returns. I shake my head with sudden clarity. It’s now or never. It’s time to stop wishing, to stop dreaming, to stop waiting.
I crawl forward through tree litter. Sap and rocks stick to my palms. Lex and Jordan do not look at me. They continue to argue, their voices contentious and heated. Moving hurts. I’m bruised in places other than my face. I haul myself to my feet with a groan. I place one hand on the cliff wall to keep from falling. With my other hand, I begin to unbutton my shirt.
“Winston!” hisses Lex. “Are you okay?”
The shirt falls to the ground. Still leaning against the rock, I use the toe of one shoe to wedge off the other. I have to reach down to remove the second shoe. The socks come next.
“Win!”
I begin walking, sliding my pants down my hips and thighs while I do so. The crisp bite of the night surrounds me. My boxers come off last.
“Seriously, what the fuck,” Lex calls after me. “Win, why are your clothes off?”
I keep walking.
“You’ve got one bony ass, you know.”
I walk faster.
They follow. The wind carries their voices.
“What’s he on?” Jordan says.
“I don’t … nothing. Win doesn’t do drugs. Ever. He won’t even take medicine for his damn motion sickness because he doesn’t like things that mess with his head. Guy’s a total lightweight. I mean, he had, like, one shot of whiskey tonight and fucking yakked everywhere.”
“I thought he didn’t drink.”
“Yeah, well, good point. But I don’t think he’s on anything. Seriously.”
“Maybe someone slipped him something.”
My pulse skyrockets. I struggle not to lose myself in a rising swell of panic.
Lex grunts. “Is your name someone? Because he hasn’t been with anyone but me and you tonight, love.”
“Where’s he going?”
“I don’t know. But we can’t just let him go off alone. He might…”
“Might what?”
“He’s got issues, okay? He shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
“What kind of issues?”
“Forget it. It’s none of your business. Just go. I can take care of it.”
“You mean like he’s going to hurt himself?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did. Earlier, you said he was a danger to himself and others.”
“That was an exaggeration. I was just screwing around.”
“Really? He’s already been a danger to others. I told you he would have killed Penn. I’m serious.”
“Look, I’m serious when I say it’s none of your business. I’m sure you’re trying to be nice or nurturing or something, but you don’t know Win like I do. So why don’t you just go on back to the party. Drink some more. Make out with Penn Riggsdale and his friends. And forget all about Winston Winters.”
“No way,” Jordan snarls.
I do my best to tune them out. Their arguing is irrelevant. It is white noise. I do not want or need them. My wolf is in me, so close, and what I need to do now is chase my own destiny. This much is clear.
I break into a run.
I am driven.
I no longer believe it’s up to the moon to tell me what to do.
chapter
twenty-eight
antimatter