A blustering wind drove tiny whitecaps into the shore with a slap. The sandwich and milk I’d eaten flipped around inside me, at odds with the motion of the boat. I’d have to get out in a few minutes, but for now I liked the wildness of the feeling. The danger.
Charlie and Anna lay sunbathing side by side near the bow. The boat’s mast towered over them. An American flag at the very top snapped and whipped in the breeze. Each girl wore dark sunglasses, and they passed a tiny cigarette back and forth between them. The smoke smelled weird, like the seasonings in my grandmother’s lentil soup.
Charlie rolled onto her stomach, kicked her heels into the air. She pulled a small camera from her purse, gestured for me to sit up, and snapped a picture. “Come on, Drew. Tell us again about your dream.”
I smiled. I crawled close to where she lay. She was being kinder toward me than she’d been all summer. Ever since I’d told her and Anna about my dream with the wolves, the two of them had fawned over me. I liked that. Keith didn’t want me to go to the lake with them, but the girls insisted. They laughed and made me lunch and put sunscreen on my back.
“I think you were there, Charlie,” I said, remembering the red wolf with the fearsome attitude. It felt like that wolf was the one staring at me right now.
The girls both giggled.
I thought of the other wolves. All of them. All those colors.
“Anna, you might have been there, too.”
“Tell me what I looked like,” Charlie said. Smoke came out of her mouth with the words.
“Very strong and fast.” I squinted up at her. “It felt so real. You know, for a dream.”
“Maybe it was real, little Drew,” she said easily.
The hairs on my neck rose. That’s exactly what I’d been thinking, that it was all real, every second. “So do you remember? Do you remember what it feels like to change? Or, you know, do you forget that?”
Charlie pressed up onto her elbows. Her sky-blue bikini looked too small for her. The soft parts of her top threatened to pop out. “Oh, I remember. It’s like, totally liberating to have your body become … what’s the word?”
Anna lay on her back. A group of young men on a passing boat whistled at her. I glared. Anna ignored them. She just put the funny cigarette up to her lips, inhaled deeply, and tossed her hair.
“Dangerous,” she said.
Charlie twisted around to look at the guys. She waved wildly. “Hey, Ricky!”
A blond one leaned out over the water. “Hey, babe. When’s your sister gonna let me hit it?”
She laughed. “What about me?”
“You? You’re still a kid, babe.”
She got to her feet. Shimmied her hips. “Do I look like a kid to you?”
He roared. “Hell, no.”
The guy next to him called out, “If there’s grass on the field, play ball.”
Charlie lifted her middle finger.
The first guy returned the favor. They’d almost drifted past our slip. “I’m serious. You tell her I’m only up here for two more days.”
Charlie sat back down and looked at Anna. “Ricky’s only in town for two more days.”
Anna kept her eyes pointed heavenward. “I know.”
“He’s cute.”
“He’s only after one thing.”
“What’s he after?” I asked.
Both girls giggled again.
“Come on,” I whined.
“Ask your brother,” Charlie told me.
“Ask him what?”
She pushed her glasses back. “Hasn’t anyone explained sex to you?”
I swallowed hard. “Yes,” I said, although this was only partially true. Sure, I knew some stuff, but no one had really explained anything. Not even after that embarrassing debacle in first grade when I got caught telling Siobhan she’d grown inside Mommy’s tummy because Mommy ate her. Everyone laughed and no one told me the truth. But I’d seen things on the computer that had to do with sex. Things that left me feeling weak and queasy despite the fact I’d gone looking for them in the first place. Even now, as I thought about it all, my stomach hitched. I put a hand over my mouth.
“You okay?” Anna asked.
I nodded. Put my hand down.
“If you feel sick, you should try this.” Charlie waved the cigarette beneath my nose. “It’s medicinal, you know.”
Anna kicked her in the shin. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Tell me how you knew,” I said.
Charlie wriggled onto her side. “Knew what?”
Anna crawled from the boat onto the dock. Then she adjusted her suit. “I’ll be right back.”
Charlie didn’t watch her go. She didn’t take her eyes off me. Her cool gaze took in my every movement. Her wolf floated very close to the surface. I could feel it.
Nothing felt cool or composed about me. I wanted what Charlie had. I wanted her power. “You knew you were going to change, right?”
A sly smile crossed her lips. “Yes,” she said.
“How?”
“It just made sense.”
“So will I change?”
“Of course.”
“But how will I know when it’s time?”
“When you’re ready, you’ll know,” she told me. “You really will. Your mind, your body, will tell you.”
“It’ll be obvious?”
“Oh, sure.”