Yeah, let’s not go there…
She still couldn’t believe how forward she’d been with Darling in the early days of their relationship. But like Maris said, she’d seen what she wanted and she’d gone after him.
“So how did you find out he knew?” she asked, trying to get Maris back on the original topic and not a segue that mortified her.
“One night, not long before his father died, I was sleeping over. Darling had gone out to see Ryn who was training with the guard.” Maris paused to give her a wicked smile behind his hand as if he were imparting a secret to her. “Did you know most of them train without their shirts on?” He wrinkled his nose and bit his lip playfully. “I didn’t, and Phrixians don’t. I’d never been around men built like they were who were that close to naked and not related to me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop my eyes from betraying my interest. I absolutely licked them with my gaze.”
He fanned his face again. “Anyway, I suddenly realized Darling had stopped talking to Ryn and was watching me with an evil smirk. I was sick from it. All I could think was that he’d send me home and never speak to me again. Or worse, be like everyone else I knew and beat the mess out of me for it. Instead, he came over and clapped me on the back. Then he leaned to whisper in my ear so that no one else would overhear him, and said, ‘I don’t care what your tastes are, Mari. I never have, and I’ve known about them for a long time. So don’t ever be afraid of me because of it. You’re still my brother, and you always will be. If we were all made the same, the universe would be a boring place. And while my tastes are much more traditional, I will never judge you for yours. Just don’t ever grab my junk, and I won’t kill you for it.’ ”
She had to bite back a laugh at his unexpected anecdote. “Did he really say that?”
“Yes, yes he did. And he meant it. So I promised him he would always be safe from my groping… unless he begged me for it. And unfortunately, he never has.” His gaze turned sad again. “I miss my best friend, Zarya. I really want him back.”
“I feel the same way. I miss him, too.” And she did.
Under the guise of Kere, Darling had been everything to her.
Maris cupped her face in his hands. “I should warn you, when he came back after his first assault, he was angry like he is now.”
First? There had been more than one? She wanted to cry over that disclosure.
But Maris didn’t pause to elaborate. “Think of him like an animal in the wild. You have to move slow around him, and let him know you’re not going to hurt him. He’s in raw survival mode. It’s not that he wants to hurt others as much as he wants to protect himself from harm. So he’s liable to strike out verbally. Pay it no attention. He will be sorry for it later. Right now, he’s just in pain, and he’s acting out. Take nothing he says or does personally.”
“Okay.”
His gaze intensified. “Remember, he’s not really attacking you. It’s the world he wants to punch. You have to be strong and don’t back down from him.”
Instead of making her feel better, this “pep talk” was beginning to make her want to run for cover.
Maris kissed her cheek. “You ready?”
“I’m scared.”
“Me, too. Now don’t forget that he’s not what he was. He’s changed a lot. But if we stand together, I think we can still get him back.”
She hoped so. It’d been well over a year since she’d last held him, or heard him ask if she’d eaten anything.
No man had ever treated her the way he did.
Like she mattered.
Come back to me, Darling.
Maris tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and led her from his room.
With every step they took closer to Darling’s office, the more nervous she became. Her hands were clammy and her heart pounded in trepidation. It was so loud, she was amazed Maris couldn’t hear it.
How would Darling react to her presence? She saw various scenarios in her mind, but none of them were particularly favorable to her.
I can’t believe I slapped him.
Twice…
She wanted to cry every time she remembered that. I didn’t know who he was. But that was only an excuse, and she knew it. Did it really matter who had been held in chains? What kind of person would hit someone who’d been so damaged while in their custody?
The fact that she hadn’t even seen him enough to register his ragged condition before she’d attacked him bothered her most of all.
Deep inside, she was as disappointed in herself as he’d been. Yes, she could make excuses. She’d been worried about Kere. She’d been focused on her pain and not his…
But in the end, wasn’t that the very thing she and her allies accused the ruling class of? The thing the Resistance had condemned them for? Being numb to others who were suffering right before their eyes? Not caring about their pain?
And what had she done?
The same damn thing.