And savor her.
There was nothing she loved more than the way he buried his face in the curve of her neck and breathed her in like she was a drug he craved with every part of his being. He could make love to her for hours without tiring. Whenever they were together, he was focused only on her and nothing else.
Always attentive. Always gentle.
Always feral.
Gods, how she’d missed those moments. Missed the sound of his deep, lyrical voice, talking to her for hours on end. No one pronounced her name the way he did.
And his laughter…
It never failed to make her smile. He had the most wicked sense of humor imaginable. Dark and sarcastic, he found amusement in the bleakest and most bizarre things.
Maris cleared his throat, bringing her back to the present.
And to the pain of the fact that she might never have those moments with Darling again.
Tormented agony glowed deep in his eyes. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve wondered if Darling would have been better off had he not been my friend.”
She frowned. “Why would you say that?”
“Had we not become friends when we were so young… had he not known and accepted the fact that I was homosexual, he would have never thought to claim his mother’s boyfriend as his. It wouldn’t have even occurred to him to do it—all of that was totally my fault and I know it.”
His words stunned her. “They would have killed his mother, Maris. How could that be better?”
“Honestly?” Maris asked in a deadly serious tone. “I don’t think that would have been as bad as what’s happened to him since. Yes, he would have had grief from losing her. But I don’t think her loss would have been nearly as awful as his stints in the asylums, and what they did to him every time he was confined for it. The unrelenting hell he’s had to endure all these years over pretending to be something he’s not.”
The saddest part? She had a sick feeling in her stomach that Maris might be right. To be punished and humiliated for a lie you were forced to live…
It had to have been brutal.
And it made her curious about something else. “How long have you two been friends?”
Maris grinned as if the memory was one of the best of his life. “Since preschool. I met him the first day there when we were five.”
Zarya smiled at the love she saw in his eyes. How she wished she could have found a friend like Maris so young. But most of her friends had turned on her over the years, for one reason or another. One, wanting the bounty on her head, had even told the League where she lived. It was why she was so skittish and suspicious of people now.
She hadn’t met her best friend, Ture, until a couple of years ago—he was a cook in the restaurant she’d started patronizing on her way home to keep Darling from fussing at her for not eating.
And thinking of Ture, who had only confessed his sexual preference to her a few weeks before she’d been taken prisoner, made her wonder how long Maris had waited with Darling. “When did you tell Darling you were gay?”
“I didn’t have to. He always knew.” Maris shook his head. “We were twelve before I knew he knew. Things were starting to get really awkward for me then. When we were younger, it didn’t matter so much. But once puberty kicked in… it was extremely hard as I realized just how different I was from the other boys I knew. Being Phrixian, didn’t help. We’re a warrior culture where men are men, and you better be testosterone driven every nanosecond of the day or you’re going to get your ass kicked. For years, I didn’t know anyone else who was gay—I really thought I was defective. I was born number seven in a total of nine boys, and my brothers are all you’d expect from a Phrixian family. Fierce, tough, and brutal. I’m actually lucky they didn’t kill me for it.”
He laughed all of a sudden. “Ironically, Darling was the one who introduced me to my first boyfriend when I was nineteen. But for him, I’m not sure I would have ever found a community that accepted me.”
She rubbed his arm in sympathy. “I can only imagine how many women must have thrown themselves at you, given how handsome you are. And the fact you’re a high-ranking prince… bonus.”
Maris nodded grimly. “Yes, they did. Anyone who thinks men are more sexually predacious than a woman hasn’t been around any. I’ve never had a man come on to me as strongly as some of the women I met both before I came out, and since. You’d be amazed how many of them have offered to try and convert me. Like that’s all it would take, right?” He rolled his eyes. “And they don’t like to take no for an answer either. I had this one who… Never mind.” He waved his hand in front of his face as if to cool it down. “Girl, the stories I could tell you about some of them.”
Zarya felt her own face flame. Now that he mentioned it, she’d been the one who made the first move on Darling.