Between the Lives

chapter THREE


Wellesley, Friday

‘One more week and freedom is ours!’ Miriam proclaimed as we walked down the hall. We’d been counting down for the past twelve weeks. For me, it had been twice as long, so there were smiles all round.

‘I for one intend to make the most of the break,’ I said with a cheeky bite of my lip.

‘You and Dex?’ Miriam asked, raising a well-manicured eyebrow. Miriam had long blonde hair, which she’d worked into a stylishly messy up-do. She had a thing for obscure clips and today she was sporting at least a dozen embedded in her hair, all varying pastel shades. Combined with her pale complexion, ice-blue eyes, and today’s outfit of a soft-pink pencil skirt and a cream off-the-shoulder T-shirt, she looked like a fashion goddess.

I shrugged. Miriam had already travelled the ‘first time’ road with her boyfriend Brett, and I’d been trying to pull her out of the back seat of his BMW at every party since.

‘I think he’s waited long enough. It would be an appropriate graduation marker,’ I bluffed, holding my smirk and not letting my dry mouth give me away. It’s not that Dex wasn’t paper-perfect. And it’s not as if paper-perfect wasn’t exactly what I wanted in this life. It worked for me, made it easier to be who I was. It was just … when he kissed me I could feel … everything. And not in a good way. The shape of his lips, which didn’t quite melt into mine the way I’d dreamed about, the rough grating of his stubble against my skin, the way he leaned in so close I couldn’t breathe and held me behind my head so there was no escape. It wasn’t that he was a bad kisser technique-wise, it just wasn’t the way I’d imagined it would be with someone I really … We were just a beat off each other. And then there was the way his hands …

I closed my eyes and shrunk away from the thought. Dex was gorgeous, and we fitted in the ways that mattered. No couple was perfect.

Okay, so Dex wasn’t going to rock my world. But I’d been waiting to make this decision for twice as long as every other eighteen year old, and had already held off a lot longer than those of the ‘one life’. I refused to keep going on as a twice-lived virgin. And if something better were available to me, something earth-rockingly good, surely I would’ve spotted it by now.

In either world.

‘So …’ Miriam started, her sly tone cutting into my thoughts. ‘Tonight?’

‘No,’ I said, casually flicking my hair while my mind screamed – NO! I was not going to be sex-ready by tonight. ‘I’m thinking graduation night. We’ll go to the dinner and I’ll have everything arranged. It’ll be perfect. And besides, tonight is about a different kind of fun. How are preparations?’ I asked, redirecting her focus just as the third of our powerhouse-three joined us.

‘Morning, ladies,’ Lucy said, a notebook in hand and cunning smile on display. ‘Did I hear someone ask how preparations were going for this evening’s do?’

I smiled back, relaxing for the first time all morning. Lucy always helped with that. She didn’t bother with annoying questions. She stuck to the fun.

‘You did indeed. How are we looking?’

‘Done, done and done. The boys have beverage arrangements in hand. I have the music and decorations sorted. Invites and RSVPs are all confirmed. The juniors who applied have been assessed and selected for serving.’ She ticked off her notebook, then squealed. ‘Tonight is going to be legendary!’

‘So how many people?’ I asked.

‘Oh … you know,’ Lucy said vaguely, looking around the hall.

I stopped mid-step. ‘Lucy, how many?’

Miriam was standing behind me, but I could feel her cringe.

Lucy bit her lip sheepishly. ‘Well, most of the senior year, and there might have been a few invites to some of their friends outside of school. You know, I mean, word got out and I didn’t want to say no.’

I just stared and put my hands on my hips.

‘Eighty to a hundred.’

I kept staring.

‘Okay, a hundred and fifty max!’ she said quickly.

My immediate reaction was to freak out. I’d told Mom fifty people max! But then I remembered that both Lucas and Ryan had had parties after graduation. Those bashes weren’t even in conjunction with their birthdays, and they were both huge – police at the door – affairs. Mom survived those. So instead of losing it, I regrouped and rolled my eyes. ‘I hope you have security.’

Lucy nodded, relieved. She tossed back her tight brown curls and smiled brightly, strawberry-glossed lips framing super-white teeth. ‘Sure do. The boys all know they are on detail.’

By ‘the boys’ she meant our respective boyfriends. More specifically Miriam’s and mine – Lucy was still flying solo and in a permanent lust-crush with Noah.

We weren’t with the football guys or the basketball boys. Our school, thank god, operated on a more even hierarchy. If you could keep up and you looked good in whatever set you were walking with, you could stay. It wasn’t a perfect system – if you were a geek who couldn’t socialise or work a look then you were a geek and that was it, and there were still lunch-table divisions and car-pooling priorities – but it was better than most high schools.

And actually it was people like Dex who’d made it possible.

He was smart, studious, a great sportsman and he looked hot – in whatever he wore. Everyone wanted to either be him, or date him, and he was nice to everyone. A few years back he’d started having parties, inviting the whole class – not only the cool group – and everyone just started being friends. And then … he picked me. We’d been together for the last two years and it made total sense. Our social statuses complemented one another seamlessly.

When the three of us walked into English class, I saw Dex straight away, sitting in his usual seat middle-back. I immediately smiled and took my place beside him.

‘Hey, Sabine,’ he said, leaning in to talk close to my ear.

‘Hey, Dex.’

He really was a beautiful guy – athletic build, sandy blond hair, and a dazzling smile that he delivered with such confidence it made the whole package even more attractive. Only problem … when I looked at him I just didn’t feel it. Whatever it was.

Part of it I’d never be able to fix. The fact was, Dex was only eighteen. His life so far had been a smooth ride and the rest of it was panning out to be just as blessed. And I … well, if there was only one of me, that would have been fine, but I was eighteen twice, and my life was … complicated. The bottom line was that even though I was never going to, would never dream of … But if there were someone I might one day consider telling about my wacked-out existence, it wouldn’t be Dex.

‘What’s up? Your face is all twisted,’ Dex whispered, giving me a curious look.

I forced my forehead to relax and pushed the thoughts aside. Normally I was better at keeping them at bay. ‘It’s nothing. I just remembered that I need to pick up my new shoes from town before tonight.’ Lie, lie, lie.

Dex smiled, buying it too easily. For some reason, it made me mad. I turned my attention away from him and fake-concentrated on the lesson to avoid having to talk to him again.

Giving myself all that staring-into-space time wasn’t helpful. My mind was on a mission and I found myself prodding at my not-broken arm. And the questions began …

Have the rules changed?

No. This must be a one-off. Was this a one-off?

Will my arm be broken when I go back to my other life? Was this a glitch and will it only last for one day?

Maybe my arm will be broken when I go back and then stay that way when I return so that this day never really happened?

But … if the rules are changing, what does that mean? Was there a way …? But I won’t let myself finish that long-forbidden thought.

My head started to hurt. I tried to distract myself by thinking about the party tonight.

Then I felt sick.

I didn’t stay up past midnight often – and never around other people. But everyone had insisted. I was the only one who hadn’t had a house party this year, and this was my last opportunity. I wasn’t going to risk my reputation by not following through, so when a birthday/graduation bash at my place was suggested, I’d smiled brightly and said, ‘Absolutely!’

I knew I’d have to be awake for the Shift. But after being awake for last night’s, I was now dreading tonight’s Shift even more. I hadn’t been awake for two consecutive Shifts in years. Not to mention how it was ratcheting up my string of awake hours.

Just as I tried to formulate a plan to get myself somewhere private at midnight, the bell rang and Dex was at my side.

‘You do realise all the exams are over?’ he teased in his deep voice – the one that said he needed me to acknowledge him. He was pretty easy to read sometimes.

I followed him out into the hall, slipped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. ‘I know, but with only one week left, I plan to finish on a good note.’

He quirked an eyebrow. ‘You’ve already received your invite to Harvard, what better note could you finish on?’

I shrugged. Truth be told, I was dreading going to Harvard and having to be around Ryan constantly. But when it came time to apply, I just couldn’t bring myself to pick colleges further away from Mom. If I wasn’t around to help her, she’d go to pieces.

Out of nowhere, Dex pushed me up against the lockers. I gasped, but let him do it, hoping to feel something … more. His hips were dangerously close to mine. ‘The smart thing really does something for me,’ he said huskily.

I smiled and let him kiss me.

I felt like I could’ve pulled out a notepad and started documenting. At second two, he made a movement with his upper lip. At second four, his hand tightened around my waist. At second seven, he made that sound he does. And at second nine, my damn skin crawled and I had to pull away.

‘Will I see you at lunch?’ I asked, looking hopeful even though I knew the answer.

‘No,’ he said, staying close to my ear. ‘I’ve got track. You could come watch.’

Hmm … let me think …

‘I would, but I have party planning to finalise.’

‘Yes. I imagine you do.’ He kissed me again, this time finishing at second-four’s hand tightening before releasing me. ‘I’ll see you later.’

I nodded and watched him leave so that when he looked over his shoulder he saw me.

Lucy, who had obviously been waiting for me, rushed to my side and we walked to calculus together. ‘You know he is, like, stupidly in love with you, right?’

I laughed, feeling bad that my main feeling was relief he’d only gone as far as the fourth second on the last kiss.

God. How was I going to get through sex? How many seconds would he actually last?

‘And so he should be,’ I answered cheekily before quickly moving on. ‘Back to party issues. Can you come over and get ready at my place tonight? I need your help to get Mom out the door.’

Lucy beamed, in her element. She wanted to be an events consultant, and viewed all of our party planning as valuable work experience. ‘No problem, leave your mom to me.’