Loafers was wondering where the delivery entrance was when he saw the sign: ‘Deliveries at rear’. Thank you very much. He checked his silencer and load one more time, and tiptoed across the gravel driveway.
Artemis sniffed the air. ‘What’s that smell?’
Mulch poked his head round the refrigerator door.
‘Me, I’m afraid,’ he mumbled, an unfeasible amount of food revolving inside his mouth. ‘Sunblock. Disgusting, I know, but I’d smell a whole lot worse without it. Think bacon strips on a flat rock in Death Valley.’
‘A charming image.’
‘Dwarfs are subterranean creatures,’ explained Mulch. ‘Even during the Frond Dynasty we lived underground…’
Frond was the first elfin king. During his reign, fairies and humans had shared the earth’s surface.
‘… Being photosensitive makes it difficult to exist among humans. To be honest, I’m a bit fed up of this life.’
‘Your wish is my command,’ said a voice. It was Loafers. He was standing at the kitchen door, brandishing a very large gun.
In fairness to Mulch, he recovered well.
‘I thought I told you to wait outside.’
‘It’s true, you did. But I decided to come in anyway. And guess what? No septic tank, no effluent pipe. The back door is wide open.’
Mulch tended to grind his teeth when he thought. It sounded like nails being scraped down a chalkboard.
‘Ah… yes. A stroke of luck there. I took advantage of it, but unfortunately I was interrupted by the boy. I had just gained his confidence when you burst in.’
‘Don’t bother,’ said Loafers. ‘Your mike is on. I heard the whole thing, Mo. Or should I say Mulch, the fairy dwarf?’
Mulch swallowed the half-chewed mass of food. Once again his big mouth had got him into trouble – maybe it could get him out of trouble too. It was just possible that he could unhinge his jaw and swallow the little hit man. He’d eaten bigger. A quick burst of dwarf gas should be enough to propel him across the room. He’d just have to hope that the gun didn’t go off before he could pass it.
Loafers caught the look in Mulch’s eye.
‘That’s right, little man,’ he said, cocking his pistol. ‘You go for it. See how far you get.’
Artemis was thinking too. He knew that he was safe for the moment. The newcomer would not harm him against orders. But Mulch’s time was running out and there was no one to save him. Butler was too weak to intervene even if he had been here. Holly was away completing the Ritual. And Artemis himself was not the best in physical situations. He would have to negotiate.
‘I know what you’re here for,’ he began. ‘The Cube’s secrets. I’ll tell you, but not if you harm my friend.’
Loafers waved the gun barrel. ‘You’ll do whatever I ask, when I ask. Possibly you’ll cry like a girl too. Sometimes that happens.’
‘Very well. I’ll tell you what you want to know. Just don’t shoot anyone.’
Loafers swallowed a grin. ‘Sure. That’s fine. You just come with me, nice and quiet, and I won’t hurt a soul. You have my word.’
Butler entered the kitchen. His face was slick with perspiration and his breath came in short gasps.
‘I checked the monitor,’ he said. ‘The car is empty, the other man must be…’
‘Here,’ completed Loafers. ‘Old news to everyone except you, Grandad. Now, no sudden moves and you might not have a heart attack.’
Artemis saw Butler’s eyes flitting around the room. He was searching for an angle. Some way to save them. Maybe yesterday’s Butler could have done it, but today’s Butler was fifteen years older and not yet fully recovered from magical surgery. The situation was desperate.
‘You could tie the others up,’ ventured Artemis. Then we could leave together.’
Loafers smacked his own head. ‘What a great idea! Then maybe I could agree to some other delaying tactic, on account of me being a complete amateur.’
Loafers felt a shadow fall across his back. He spun round to see a girl standing in the doorway. Another witness. Carla Frazetti would be getting the bill for all these sundries. This whole job had been misrepresented from the start.
‘OK, miss,’ said Loafers. ‘Go join the others. And don’t do anything stupid.’
The girl at the door flicked her hair over one shoulder, blinking her glittering green eyelids.
‘I don’t do stupid things,’ she said. Then her hand flicked out, brushing against Loafer’s weapon. She grabbed the pistol’s slide and deftly twisted it from the stock. The gun was now completely useless, except for hammering nails.
Loafers jerked backwards. ‘Hey, hey. Watch it. I don’t want to wound you by accident. This gun could go off.’
That’s what he thought.
Loafers continued brandishing his piece of harmless metal.
‘Back off, little girl. I won’t say it again.’
Juliet dangled the slide under his nose. ‘Or what? You’ll shoot me with this?’
Loafers stared cross-eyed at the piece of metal.
‘Hey, that looks just like…’
Then Juliet hit him in the chest so hard he crashed through the breakfast bar.