‘No need. I know the layout. I burgled it before, in my youth. Piece of cake.’
‘And you didn’t mention this before because…’
Mulch made a rude gesture at a lorry driver hogging both lanes.
‘You know the way it is. I work on commission. The commission is calculated on a hardship basis. The second I say I turned this place over before, ten grand is cut off my fee.’
Loafers didn’t argue. It was true. You always exaggerated the difficulty of the job. Anything to squeeze a few more bucks out of your employer.
‘So, you can get us in there?’
‘I can get me in there. Then I come back out for you.’
Loafers was suspicious. ‘Why don’t I just come with you? It would be a lot easier than hanging around in broad daylight.’
‘Firstly, I’m not going in until after dark. And secondly, sure you can come with me, if you don’t mind crawling through the septic tank and up nine metres of effluent pipe.’
Loafers had to open a window at the thought of it.
‘OK. You come get me. But we stay in contact over the headsets. Anything goes wrong and you let me know.’
‘Yes, sir, boss,’ said Mulch, screwing the earpiece into a hairy ear and clipping the mike to his jacket. ‘Wouldn’t want you to miss your appointment intimidating a kid.’
The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafer’s head.
‘That’s right,’ said the Kilkenny man. ‘I am the boss. And you don’t want to make me late for my appointment.’
Mulch had to concentrate to stop his beard hair curling. Dwarf hair is very mood-sensitive, especially to hostility, and it was flowing out of this man’s every pore. Mulch’s bristles had never been wrong yet. This little partnership was not going to end well.
Mulch parked in the shadow of the Fowl Estate’s boundary wall.
‘You certain this is the place?’ asked Loafers.
Mulch pointed a stubby finger at the ornate iron gate.
‘You see there where it says Fowl Manor?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’d say this was probably the place.’
Even Loafers couldn’t miss a direct jibe like that.
‘You better get me in there, Digence, or…’
Mulch showed him the teeth. ‘Or what?’
‘Or Miss Frazetti will be extremely annoyed,’ completed Loafers lamely, well aware that he was losing the hard-man-banter battle. Loafers resolved to teach Mo Digence a lesson as soon as possible.
‘We wouldn’t want to annoy Miss Frazetti,’ said Mulch. He climbed down from the elevated seat and reclaimed his gear bag from the trunk. There were certain unorthodox burglary tools in the bag, supplied by his fairy contact in New York. Hopefully none of them would be needed. Not the way he intended gaining entrance to the manor.
Mulch rapped on the passenger window. Loafers buzzed it open.
‘What?’
‘Remember, you stay here until I come and get you.’
‘That sounds like an order, Digence. Are you giving me orders now?’
‘Me?’ said Mulch, revealing the full expanse of his teeth. ‘Giving orders? I wouldn’t dream of it.’
Loafers buzzed the window back up.
‘You better not be,’ he said as soon as there was a layer of toughened glass between him and those teeth.
Inside Fowl Manor, Butler had just finished clipping and shaving. He was beginning to look like his old self again. His older self.
‘Kevlar, you say?’ he repeated, examining the darkened tissue on his chest.
Artemis nodded. ‘Apparently some fibres were trapped in the wound. The magic replicated them. According to Foaly, the new tissue will restrict your breathing, but it isn’t dense enough to be bulletproof, except for a small-calibre bullet.’
Butler buttoned his shirt. ‘Everything is different, Artemis. I can’t guard you any more.’
‘I won’t need guarding. Holly was right. My grand schemes generally lead to people getting hurt. As soon as we have dealt with Spiro I intend to concentrate on my education.’
‘As soon as we have dealt with Spiro? You make it sound like a foregone conclusion. Jon Spiro is a dangerous man, Artemis. I thought you would have learned that.’
‘I have, old friend. Believe me, I won’t underestimate him again. I have already begun to formulate a plan. We should be able to retrieve the C Cube and neutralize Mister Spiro, providing Holly agrees to help.’
‘Where is Holly? I need to thank her. Again.’
Artemis glanced out of the window. ‘She has gone to complete the Ritual. You can guess where.’
Butler nodded. They had first encountered Holly at a sacred fairy site in the south-east while she was conducting the power-restoring Ritual. Although ‘encountered’ was not the term Holly used. ‘Abducted’ was closer to the truth.
‘She should be back within the hour. I suggest you rest until then.’