Amaranth

chapter 9

Paradox

“Camille, it’s okay. Take it easy.” Audrey wrestled me to the couch, restrained my shoulders; her wide eyes darted toward the kitchen, looking for help. “I caught a late flight from Seattle; I’m here to help you.” My body felt heavy, my mind elated. I had never felt so strange in my life. In shock and extremely angry, I somehow managed to laugh at the mess that was my life. Swinging my arms, I fought Audrey’s grasp and shoved my feet forward to kick her away from me. Pain pierced my side as I twisted, and a crushing convulsion moved through my torso when I breathed in deeply, preparing to yell some more. Gabe dashed from the kitchen and wrangled my rebellious legs, shot Audrey a look as he worked to hold me back.

“Hurry, Audrey,” was all he said.

“Get the hell off of me.” I hoped my high octave threatened their eardrums. “I mean it, let me go!” I took note of their glowing skin, in disbelief at how angelic they looked, their bodies statuesque.

“Listen to me, Camille. I will let you go, but you have to calm down.” Audrey spoke evenly, tried to maintain eye contact with me. “We can’t talk until you’re being rational. You’ve been passed out for a few hours now. It’s almost sunrise and you’re going to have to miss work today, you need to stay home for a while until you heal.”

Another breath, but this one to help me not yell. “You idiot, how do you expect me to be rational when you’re holding me down like this, like a, a crazy person?”

“You are acting like a crazy person.”

“There are monsters in my house. How do you expect me to act? Am I asleep? Please God, tell me I’m asleep.” I squirmed on the couch, felt agonizing pain as I contorted my body, then stopped because of the head rush. My breathing was so rapid I felt on the verge of hyperventilating, but I forced myself to focus on what Audrey was saying. I stared at her, my arms pinned to my aching sides. “Ah … ugh.”

“You have a cracked rib.” Audrey slowly released my arms when I stopped struggling, turned her head to motion to Gabe, giving him permission to let me go.

I lay still for a moment and worked to steady my breath, gently pushed myself up to prop my back on a pillow. “What is going on?”

“Do you want something to drink? You look—”

“Tell me. Now.”

“Andrew broke in while you were sleeping and tried to kill you.” The words poured from her mouth.

“Tell me something I don’t know. Am I dead— Are we dead?”

She fought back a laugh, kept her eyes glued to mine. “No. Well, you aren’t, no.”

Excuse me?”

“Gabe just wanted me to tell you this, to get it over with. But I think it’s better if we take this slow.…”

“Now. Before I pass out.” I attempted to sit up, placed my hand on the side of head. My temples continued to throb.

She swallowed, exchanged a wary look with Gabe. “Gavin and Gabe … and I … we’re not completely human as you might have guessed by now.”

I dropped my head back on the pillow, rested my arm across my forehead. “Not human. What a twisted world. Well, are you a new species, government weapons, what?”

Audrey glanced at Gabe, who sat on the loveseat looking amused and shocked at the same time. “She’s not right yet, she needs to rest,” he said.

“I’m fine, Gabe, thank you. I’m just recovering from a monster or alien attack—I’m not exactly sure which yet. So please do excuse me for not sounding right quite yet.”

“She’s okay. Same old Camille,” Audrey assured him, then turned to me again. “This isn’t easy to explain. It’s not going to make any sense.…”

“Explain anyway. I can’t be any closer to losing my mind than I am at the moment.”

Her shoulders tensed and her lips parted; she nodded. “I’ll try to keep it simple. Gavin saved you from Andrew. We’re … something our world considers to be a myth.”

“Why isn’t Gavin here to tell me this himself?”

She looked away, so I glanced at Gabe. He’d suddenly found his shoes fascinating. Cowards.

“He didn’t want to hurt you anymore than he already did,” Audrey said. “I’m the one who needs to tell you this, Camille. I’m the only one you’ll listen to right now.”

“But you just told me you’re one of these things too. Why would I listen to you?”

“I’m still your best friend. I wasn’t changed into this until just recently. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but there’s so much … it’s too much.”

“So please put things into perspective for me, then. I’m so pissed off that none of you told me the truth. I have zero patience right now.”

“Clearly,” Gabe muttered.

Audrey shushed him. “What I’m trying to say is, pardon the dramatics, but everything as you know it is about to change, do you understand that?”

I blinked, dizzy from seeing double. “The story of my life.”

She rolled her eyes again at me. “Are you ready for this?”

She followed my gaze as I examined my sore side and new bruises. I waved my hands in the air, surrendered. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay,” she said, adjusted her position on the couch. “We’re vampires. They do exist in this world, and they are dangerous. But it’s different from what the films and books say it is, got it?”

“Got it?” Gabe mocked her. “Audrey, what kind of explanation is that?”

“She can take it, trust me.” She didn’t bother to look at him, instead kept her eyes on mine, waited for my reaction.

I was oddly comforted by the fact that although clearly not mortal anymore, distinctive remnants of her personality remained. She still sounded like herself. The room started to spin again and I groaned, watched the blades on the ceiling fan push me further into vertigo. Or perhaps insanity.

“We won’t hurt you, Camille.” Careful not to frighten me, she reached out and rubbed my arm.

I sat up, felt the spinning slow, and stared at her, fuming. “I am not afraid of you.”

“Okay … good …” She blinked, confused.

“I’m angry at you. You lied to me.”

“I know. Wait. You’re not … afraid?”

“I told you, she needs to lie down and rest. She’s not ready for this, Aud.” Gabe stood and walked to her side, but she ignored him.

“No,” I said. “I knew something was weird, I just didn’t want to face it. It doesn’t exactly surprise me.” And now that I was about to get some answers, I was able to speak calmly.

“Look, maybe you should rest again for a while,” she said. “We can check on you later— if you want us to, I mean.” She made eye contact with Gabe, signaled him to leave. He made an unhurried stroll to the front door, gave her one solemn nod before he shut the door behind him.

“I don’t want to rest. I want to know things.” I propped another pillow behind me, adjusted it, mumbling to myself, “This must’ve been what Vivienne was trying to tell me, the reason the spells haven’t worked.” As soon as I was settled back on the pillow, I locked eyes with Audrey. “But for starters, why haven’t you changed me? Or killed me? And I thought vampires were supposed to keep themselves secret.”

She relaxed, laughed while she pushed herself down to the floor to sit next to the couch, giving me some space to move around. “That’s exactly why they didn’t work.”

“How did you—?”

“I know Vivienne. She’s been trying to help you, but you’re so stubborn. I know you have thousands of questions, but answer mine first. How are you not at all surprised by this?” She gave that quirky raise of her eyebrows I knew so well.

“Gavin isn’t like anyone else I’ve ever met.” I shrugged. “His presence is strange. Like he’s not real when I’m around him, like he’s a ghost. I rush whenever I’m with him, almost like I have to hang onto every second before he disappears. And when we kiss …” I bit my lip and twisted my hair between my fingers. “I’m not afraid. If any of you were going to hurt me, you would have by now, I guess. And clearly, Andrew was the only one who meant me any harm.”

“Well, you’re definitely more conscious than Gabe gave you credit for.” Though she kept cautious eyes on me, she chuckled.

“I’m freaked out, don’t get me wrong,” I raised my hands in front of my chest. “And I do have a ton of questions, but …”

“But what?”

“Gavin needs to be the one to explain this to me.” I peered out the living room window, suddenly missing my other half. Never mind my other half was a vampire.

She watched the sadness invade my face, exhaled and scooted back on the couch to comfort me. I looked at her smooth porcelain skin, reached out to touch her. Other than that glowing soft skin and sharp fangs, she looked the same to me. Which seemed odd. I analyzed her face, curious. “Your eyes. They’re normal.”

“They turn black when we transform to hunt.”

My eyes examined her neck for a bite mark, but instead found a tiny crescent-shaped mark, the same bizarre scar Gavin had on his forehead. She didn’t protest when I reached out and ran my fingertip on the blemish. “What is it?”

“Our birthmark. It appears after we’ve been changed. Brands us. Gives the night official ownership of us. Everyone gets theirs somewhere different.”

I stared in awe, annoyed by my own inquisitiveness. I should have been running, but could only think of a million more questions I wanted to ask. “I don’t understand. You can live in the sunlight, though. How do you belong to the night?”

“The night is our prime time for feeding, specifically after midnight, until sunrise. The night changes us, heightens our senses and compels us to hunt.”

The black eyes and rabid fangs I’d witnessed when Andrew attacked suddenly made more sense now, along with Gavin’s strange behavior.

“Are you really…?”

“Undead? Yes.” She replied quietly, a somber look on her face. “There’s a lot to tell you. But first, you have to know that Gavin isn’t here because he didn’t want to make things worse. He knew you’d feel safer if I was the one to talk to you.”

“Didn’t want to make things worse? Ha.” Anger surfaced again. “It’s a bit late for that.” I grabbed the blanket from my lap and hugged it closer to me. “Call me crazy, but I think it’s wise to tell your girlfriend you’re a vampire at the onset of your relationship. You know, just to make sure you’re both on the same page and all.” I looked away, worried with my fingers, twisted them together.

“You’re right, and he knows that, but he’ll talk to you whenever you’re ready. But I had to be here for you first, Camille. Talk to me. About all of this, before you go and see him. Please.” She reached for me and I jumped, just realizing I was afraid of her quick movements. She recoiled her hand and carefully tucked both hands on her lap, looked down.

“I want to know about you, first,” I said. “How long have you been this? How did you know vampires exist?” I laughed, in disbelief I was asking such things, yet not surprised by my new knowledge. This world was crazy and unpredictable. No one, no thing, no monster had to convince me of that. For a long time now, I’d been aware that anything was possible in this life.

“I didn’t know they existed. I found out about Gabe before I flew home to Seattle. He told me the truth, and I wanted him to change me. I know how it sounds, but I had my reasons.”

And you didn’t tell me about Gavin?”

“I knew you were safe with him. And it was his place to tell you, not mine.”

“Unbelievable,” I folded my arms, disgusted by the betrayal. “There is no valid reason to give up your life to be what you are now. Nothing can justify that.”

“Gabe told me about Andrew last night, so I caught a redeye and flew down here. Then this happened,” she pointed to my battered body.

“What are you saying?”

When Gavin and Gabe found out who Andrew was—that he was the one you were trying to break up with—they knew you were in danger, knew he was about to kill you. Knew they’d have to stop him when he tried. But saving you meant you’d find out the truth.”

“So? They told you the truth. What, were you all planning on lying to me until you decided to have me for lunch one day?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She pursed her lips. “Like I said, I wanted Gavin to tell you what he is, not me. And I found out by accident, as did you. And … this part’s hard to explain … Gabe and Gavin have a way to break the curse. I wanted to be with Gabe, but if I were still human, I wouldn’t be able to go with him, where he needs to go to break it. There was a chance that if he went, he wouldn’t come back. And I couldn’t lose him. I simply couldn’t!”

She sat silent for a moment, let me absorb the absurdity. Then she said, “Andrew attacking you set things into motion. Gave us a reason to visit Samira sooner. She’s the creator of our kind, the one who can lift the curse. ”

Her kind? This was something straight from the Syfy Channel. “Your creator? Do you have any idea how deranged this sounds, Audrey?”

“Yes, Camille, I am very aware of it,” she barked, impatient. “But you wanted answers, and I’m trying to give them to you. Just bear with me.”

“Okay, go on,” I sighed. “But at least start with your species’ specifics. You know, sunlight, diet, coffins, sleep schedule?”

“Uh. Okay.” She stood up to reach for and hand me a glass of water from the coffee table, remained standing. “Well, for starters, I think you can guess our diet. We drink any kind of blood. Fortunately, there are plenty of us who have access to it: blood. Like Gabe. He was a doctor back in the day. Today, he has connections that can get us what we need, so we don’t have to … feed traditionally. Hence, one of the reasons we had no need to kill you. The other specifics should be obvious.” She smiled curtly. I rolled my eyes. Great. Not just a vamp, but a stand-up vamp. Nothing described surreal quite like this did. Yet I listened with wide eager eyes, a fascinated child hearing the most fantastic bedtime story ever.

Yet there was one thing I still didn’t know. “How do you know all of this if you were just changed so recently?”

“Gabe sort of gave me a crash course. But there were stories passed down in my family about my mother’s great aunt being one of us years ago. I grew up with the assumption that they were just that, ghost stories or something. I never knew this stuff really existed, but when I found out … when Gabe told me … I had the strangest connection to it.”

“I can’t believe you never told me about this. You were always so … normal.” My mind wandered, picturing the Audrey I knew in middle school, but I quickly reeled myself back into the conversation. “So let me get this straight. As long as you have your blood supplied, you don’t have to kill?”

“Right. As for the sunlight, our eyes are sensitive to it, but it’s manageable. Much more so when we feed.”

I shivered at her words, pictured the black sunglasses that Gavin toted around like a safety blanket.

“Our bite is venomous,” she continued. “We never bite, except with the intent to kill and feed, or to change someone. But blood isn’t the only thing that sustains us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Blood is our nutrition.” She lit a cigarette for me. “Our basic sustenance. But we also use energy to thrive. To become stronger, more powerful. We draw energy from other people, draw from what they have: their weaknesses or their strengths, it depends. We have to get to know the person though, have to read them. We’re all different kinds of readers.”

“You can read minds? You know what I’m thinking right now?” I made a disgusted face and didn’t care if she saw it. “If Gavin knew everything I ever thought, I’d die of embarrassment if I had to look him in the eyes ever again.”

“No,” she said, laughing, “not like that. We all read different energies, not minds. We can tell what someone’s good at, what their fears or strengths are, even what their desires are. With that knowledge, we know what we can, or what we shouldn’t draw from the people we feed from. Gabe said that most of our kind uses it as an advantage in hunting, but some are just addicted to the power. It’s how Samira designed us.”

I finished my glass of water and looked down at my bruised and swollen body, took a drag off my cigarette while I assessed the damage. Oddly, the ribs I was certain were broken in the attack didn’t hurt. “Did Gabe fix me?” I pointed to my ribs.

“It’s nice to have a former surgeon around.”

I set my glass down. “So, you have to feed on blood and energy?”

“Blood, yes. Energy, no. Energy’s optional. It’s like an extra high, makes us stronger. Andrew was so powerful because he’s been feeding off you since you met him. The longer we can feed on a single host, the more powerful we become, Gabe said. Andrew could read your ambitions, and was able to drain that energy from you. Once we find someone we can read, we know which buttons to push to weaken them. That allows us to feed off their vigor. A reader like Andrew can’t drain everyone who has aspirations, only those who possess strength in that area. And ambition is definitely your strength.” She smiled to make it clear that was a compliment.

I was far from flattered; what she was saying had me too much in shock to feel anything else. I stared at the ceiling, aware my cigarette ashes were spilling onto the couch but unable to even tap them into the ashtray. “Andrew’s been draining me all along.”

She nodded while she wiped the ashes from the couch, shoved an ashtray underneath my arm. “It’s allowed him to be much stronger than he would have been, living just on blood.”

“Andrew sure milked me for all I was worth,” I said, wincing as I shifted on the sofa. “Puts a totally new spin on that old saying, doesn’t it?”

She nodded. “Samira forbids us from feeding off a host for too long. She won’t allow a mortal to become a permanent power source for us. Her servants roam the earth as her watchdogs, and if they catch us doing that, we’re destroyed.”

I finally blinked, rubbed my cigarette into the ashtray, let her hand me another. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she said. “You can go to bed, you know. I can leave you alone now.”

“This changes everything.”

She’d been standing the entire time; she began to pace. “I know. But you have to know that Gavin and Gabe are different. They choose to live differently than Samira wants us to. They don’t hunt, don’t take energy. Gavin’s leading a resistance among our kind against her ways. And against our curse. Now it’s causing quite the commotion.”

“Where is this Samira person? And why do you and Gabe have to go there?”

“In a city called Amaranth. It’s the only place the curse can be removed. She’s the only one who can grant it.” She stopped pacing and rushed to the kitchen to refill my empty water glass, at my side again in a flash. “Besides, word’s gotten out about Gavin’s leadership of an alternative lifestyle. She would’ve acted to stop him about that. Gavin figured he’d confront her, and, he has a plan. Gabe and I will be his support.”

“Wait a minute. I thought you said Gavin was defying her. You just said if Gabe went without you to see her, there was a chance he might not come back.”

“Yes.”

“And this was Gavin’s idea—? Wait. So none of you might make it back?”

“Yes, and yes.” She flinched when she saw my reaction. “Look, nothing bad might happen. There’s no guarantee what Samira will or won’t do, to any of us, when we approach her. That’s why I chose to go with Gabe,” she scrutinized my face again, “but it’s worth it, Camille. They’ve wanted to be free for a very long time. I promise you, Gavin plans on doing whatever’s necessary to protect both of you.”

To this point, I’ve been mostly able to take it all in. This was too much. “That’s a crock, Audrey. How did he possibly plan on protecting me, being what he is? By going to see this Samira person, he’s on a death wish. He’s going to kill himself. He’s only bringing me down with him, nearly getting me killed last night. And you had a say in this. I didn’t.”

Hurt colored her expression. “To be fair, Camille, you didn’t exactly fill him in about your history with Andrew. He didn’t know Andrew was one of us until last night, before the attack. Gavin didn’t put you in harm’s way, he saved you. And he won’t put you in danger if he can help it. That’s why you didn’t have a say.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me about what’s fair.” My breathing grew rapid again and I felt blood thudding in my ears. “I was in danger regardless of Andrew being in the picture. Gavin could have killed me himself, any of you could.” Did she really think she could fool me into believing Gavin was the true-blue good guy in all this? “When did he plan on telling me this, then? Was he going to just drop the bomb when he left on his suicide mission?”

“I can only tell you this: He never meant for things to unfold this way, and there’s a lot you don’t know. No matter what you say, I know you love him. That’s one thing you can’t escape, whether you like the circumstances or not. And he loves you, you know that. Neither one of you could’ve stopped this from happening, you would’ve found each other at some point. Finding your soul mate’s inevitable.”

I slammed my fist on the couch. “To have a soul mate, you must have a soul.” The crippling pain in my side made a comeback as I pushed the words out.

“You should let him talk to you about that.” She moved away from me, smoothed out her shirt, folded her arms. “Are you ready to talk to him now? Let him explain.”

“I need to rest. I don’t feel like talking to another liar today.” I knew it was a low blow, but as much as I loved Audrey, she deserved this. I flopped back onto the sofa and wrapped myself up. “Tell him to leave me alone.”

She hung her head, but peeked at me from the corner of her eyes, then reached in and pulled a red flannel mojo bag from her purse and set it quietly on the coffee table. “From Vivienne. For the pain later.”

She paused at the front window as she made her way to the door, watched the sun as it began to rise. “Please don’t do something you may regret, Camille.” She’d muttered this, her back to me, but I heard her.

Putting on her sunglasses, she stepped through the front door.

Stupid, disloyal, lying vampire. What does she know? I closed my eyes and surrendered to sweet sleep.