I can feel the stress of it weighing me down. I didn’t used to get so tired, and it’s not all due to the crazy tour schedule.
In Greece and Italy we spent as much time together as we could. We skipped after-parties to go back to my room. We spent stolen moments kissing when no one was around. Everything was perfect.
But, now, we’re on the bus, and I feel the distance between us. It’s like thick iron bars are separating us. I’m back to acting like I’m not completely in love with her.
The idea of it makes me sick to my stomach.
I rub my eyes and sip coffee as Milo walks into the kitchen area from his bunk. He freezes. He looks at me and then his watch.
“Funny,” I mutter.
“What are you doing up so early?” he asks, popping a cappuccino pod in the coffee machine.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why? What’s up? You’ve never had any problems with sleeping.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
He stops and turns on the spot. “Kitt, I swear to God, if you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to punch you in the face. We’ve been friends since we were kids, so tell me what the fuck is going on with you, man.”
I shove my fists into my tired eyes. “Texas.”
“What’s happened now?”
I lower my hands as he shakes his head and sits down, forgetting about his coffee.
“I can’t spend one more day pretending like we’re not what we are.”
“Er, you’re going to have to suck it up because you can’t tell Mark yet. This isn’t just about you. Think of me and Coop, too. The band, Kitt. Don’t fuck this up.”
I groan as I tilt my head back. Everyone I’m loyal to is sitting on the opposite side of the field of what I need.
You know you can never be that selfish. You won’t put your needs before your boys, so grow a pair, and have some patience.
Watching him through narrowed eyes, I mutter, “I wouldn’t risk it, but I don’t like it. I want everything with her, Milo.”
His eyes widen in surprise.
At the start of the band, we kind of made a pact that we wouldn’t let women get in the way. It helped that we were young, and none of us wanted anything heavy, so I can see why my admission is a shock to him. He had to know that I wouldn’t mess around and cheat on her, but he probably thought it would fizzle out.
We were supposed to shag our way through fans in our twenties before settling down in our thirties. I’ve managed only four years of casual sex before Tex ruined me.
“Mark is going to flip, and while I’ve got your back, I’d rather it happened when we’re not all cramped on a bus.”
“Tex and I have discussed that. Plan is to tell him when we get back home before we go to America.”
“Sounds good, man.”
“It’s the best for everyone.”
“Why do I get the feeling that you’re not including yourself in that everyone?”
I sigh. “I want him to know. I hate the secrecy.”
“Do you love her?”
“Yeah. She drives me fucking crazy, man. One minute, everything is great, and the next, I feel like I’m smashing my head against a wall. I can’t keep up with this forward-and-backward thing. In private, we’re either arguing or getting down to it. Recently, we’ve been more settled though.”
“Wow, you do love her.” He laughs. “And it’s got to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”
“I’m not gonna argue there. Can’t stop it either.” I’ve tried.
“What can’t stop?” Texas says, yawning, as she walks into the room.
She’s smiling, but she’s not cocky, so I know she didn’t hear our conversation.
“Cooper,” Milo says, covering my arse.
Thank fuck because I’ve got nothing.
He shakes his head. “If I have to listen to one more sordid bet…”
Texas folds her arms and narrows her eyes. “You’re always in on those bets.”
“I know, but it’s getting boring. Not enough new material. Beating him at the same bet is getting old,” Milo replies.
She looks suspicious as her eyes flit between us. Texas might be naive in a lot of aspects, but she can read people, and it doesn’t usually take her very long to figure shit out.
“What are you doing up so early?” I ask.
“Ugh, I can’t sleep. I either need someone to knock me out or a give me bucket of coffee.”
Milo smirks. “Which one? I’m good with either, and I’m sure Kitt is, too.”
Bastard.
“I’ll make you a drink,” I say to Tex. I kick Milo under the table.
“She hasn’t decided yet, mate,” Milo says.
I stand up and raise my eyebrow. “Are you going to knock her out?”
“Would you stop me?” he asks, his grin widening.
“Wouldn’t you stop you?”
Texas looks between us both like we’ve lost our minds. I certainly have.
“That depends,” he replies with a shit-eating grin.
“On what?” I bite out.
“On the consequences.”
He’s loving this, goading me.
“You honestly think any of us will stand back and let you smash your fist against her head?”