This is more than being in the zone. He’s pulling away from us. I can feel it.
I drain the last of my coffee, praying it would turn into something stronger. Unless he leaves his solitary corner, I can’t talk to him. So, I’m left to fucking texting like a thirteen-year-old.
Are you okay?
Simple, but it says everything I want to say at this point. We’ll see how this goes. I’m sure I’ll have a few more words I want to use, if I’m not satisfied with his reply.
I hear the low buzz of his phone in his pocket. He looks down, but he doesn’t move to pick it up.
He’s not going to bloody answer it.
Seconds turn into minutes, and it becomes blatantly clear that he’s decided to block reality for God knows how long. It wouldn’t even be an issue if he’d told me that he needed a minute. I don’t deserve the cold shoulder.
I curl my hand around my phone and look away.
Bellend.
“Want that drumming lesson now, Tex?” Milo asks. His eyes are wide and speak more than his words. He’s asking me to go with him to talk because he knows more, and he’s worried about me and Kitt.
I’ve got nothing better to do. “Yeah, but we have nowhere to play.”
“First, you learn about the drums, and then you learn how to play them.”
I salute. “Yes, sensei.”
Milo and I walk upstairs to his room, and no one even looks up, not even Kitt. He’s far too involved in whatever he’s writing. My apology letter, I hope.
Milo is ahead of me and strides into his room with purpose. As soon as I’m in, he shuts the door and sits on the end of his bed. There is hardly any room in here, but we fit on the bed.
“Kitt can be a patient person. But he’s different with you. I know he’s acting like a dick right now, but cut him some slack. He’s just trying to work his way through this.”
“I don’t get him, Milo. He says he’s in, and then he won’t even acknowledge me.”
“He told me he’s been finding it increasingly difficult to pretend like nothing’s going on. Kitt is crazy about you, and he hates that he has to hide it.”
“I’m not exactly doing a happy dance over here either. But I thought we were in this together.”
“We are.” Kitt’s voice cuts through the room like razor blades against my skin. He grips the door handle, like he’ll fall without it.
“It doesn’t feel like it. Where were you last night? Where have you been today? I can count on one hand the amount of times you’ve looked at me since yesterday.”
“Cooper’s calling me,” Milo says, leaping off the bed and pushing past Kitt.
I want to be able to leave, too.
“Talk to me, Kitt.”
Groaning, he roughly rubs his hand over his face. “There’s nothing to say. Remember when you needed space? Well, this is me needing the same thing.”
“I also remember you chasing me.”
“And I also remember you telling me not to next time.”
“Oh my God, you’re so frustrating!” I snap, shoving myself to my feet.
“And you’re not? I love you, Texas. I don’t have the first fucking idea how to handle everything you make me feel. Couple that with the fact that this is secretive, and I’m lying to the man who opened the door to my dream…”
“Yeah, my dad. Think lying to him is easier for me? Really?”
“I’m not saying that. Jesus. Talking to you is like—”
I hold my hand up. “Oh, don’t finish that sentence. Come talk to me when you’re done being a twat.”
He moves to the side as I storm out. It wasn’t that long ago he would have followed me.
What’s happening to him?
This feels like the end. Dramatic, I know, but he’s never pulled away from me.
In the five fucking minutes you’ve been together…take a look at yourself!
I’m an idiot. That’s never been in question. God, I don’t know how to handle this with him either. I feel like I’m treading on thin ice sometimes, too. As incredible as this feels, it’s not been easy.
I spend the rest of the day sulking.
The guys go off to the show, and I stay behind—well, sort of. We’re parked outside, and Ted is here.
“You look miserable,” he says, stating the bloody obvious.
“This is quiet time, Ted.”
Laughing, he raises his palms and kicks back, watching the football match on TV. I’m not in the mood for anything, and I don’t want to end up snapping at him, so it’s best to do our own thing tonight, and hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Can’t get much worse.
Unless Kitt ends things.
Great, think about that.
I wrap my arms around my stomach and curl on the sofa. He won’t do that. We’re a forever deal, but things are so shitty right now. One minute, we’re happy, and the next…
How do we get out of this back-and-forth habit?
Chill. It’s because your emotions are all over the place, and the situation is less than ideal.
But will that ever change?