“Please don’t slam the door in my face, Tex,” Blocking it with my arm as she tries to slam it, I plead with my eyes. Let me in.
She groans and looks away. “What do you want, Kitt?”
“There was too much pressure. I’m sorry, Tex, I shouldn’t have turned up at the restaurant without warning, but I’m kind of desperate here. I don’t know what to do. I only know that not being with you hurts so fucking much. I won’t keep pushing, but please, please, if there’s any part of you that thinks we can be saved, give me a shot.”
Her eyes drop to the floor, and I feel her pain, too. This is hurting her just as much.
So, why is she doing this?
I couldn’t stay away from her for anything in this world. There is no amount of pain she could cause me that would stop me from loving her.
Right now, her refusal to look me in the eyes is from her shame. She’s feeling guilty because of what she said. She might have forgotten that I know her, but I fucking haven’t. She looks up. Her hazel eyes stare past me, and her chest is moving fast as she tries to control her reaction to me being so close.
“Stop trying so hard to be okay. You’re not okay. Neither of us is. I’m not angry about what you said anymore. But we need to talk about this.”
“Do you think it’s going to get us any further? I don’t want to keep hurting each other.”
“We won’t. Please?”
She finally meets my eyes, and I feel like I’m flying again. No matter how we are, she still has the power to make me feel weightless.
“Tex, I fucking love you.”
Her eyes sharpen, and she takes in a breath. “I still love you, too. You know that, right?”
I nod because I do know. What we have isn’t something that fades—ever.
“Is that enough for you?” I ask.
“I want it to be. Kitt, every missed call and unanswered text made me feel like…a groupie, like I was disposable. I should’ve known better, but I was hurting and scared. You throw women away and the thought of you letting me go that easily…” Taking a breath, she swipes away a tear.
Shit.
“I gave up too easily. I’m sorry for that. Kitt, I can’t lose you, and I know I’m being stupid right now because I’m the one who ended it, but you’re not disposable to me. Ever. God, I was terrified that you’d find someone else, so I panicked.”
“Texas…” Fucking hell, she can rip me apart with her words.
“No, don’t. I’m not blaming you, not anymore. I’m so sorry that I was such an unreasonable bitch.”
“You were trying to protect yourself,” I mutter.
“Yes. It’s dumb, I know. We both got hurt, but I didn’t know what else to do because I’ve never lost, or thought I’ve lost, something that I love so much before.”
I step forward and cup her cheek in my hand. “Let me in, and we’ll talk. This is fixable. Whatever you’re feeling, we can work through. But I can’t do it alone.”
She considers me for a minute, and the intensity on her face shows how big this is for her. She’s terrified. My girl is an overthinker, so fuck knows what she’s dreamed up in her head as the result of us getting back together. Obviously, it’s not a pretty picture.
“We need to be able to find more time for us when you’re on the road. I promise I won’t freak out again, but I need something to work with. I’ve never wanted anything more than you so total silence kind of sends me… Well, you know.”
“I know, and it’s done. We’ll figure it out. I’ve already said I won’t do another loaded tour. I’ll have more breaks, travel by plane. I’ll do anything I can, so we’re not apart for as long. I promise you, babe.”
“I want you to be as supportive of my career as I am of yours.”
I wrap her in my arms and tug her close. “Already am.”
She laughs. “Are we crazy?”
“Who isn’t? I love you.”
She responds by pushing up on her tiptoes and planting her mouth on mine.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 7
OXFORD, ENGLAND
Texas is with Jennifer, having a meeting about her modelling Whitney’s clothes line, and then she’s going to go shopping with Peyton, so I take the time to do something I’ve been thinking about since I fell in love with Tex.
Me and Tex are doing good. We’ve talked, shouted and cried. It will take time for us both to be secure in our relationship again, but we’re both determined to get there.
I follow Mark into the massive kitchen.
He starts to make us coffee. “I’m not sure what time she’ll be back. When Peyton and Texas are shopping, it can go on for a while.”
It goes on for a while because Peyton loves to shop. Tex will be in hell.
“Yeah, I know. I actually want to talk to you.”
He slowly turns on his heel, his jaw clenched, and I know where this is going.
Holding up my hands, I laugh. “No, she’s not pregnant.”
His back slumps with relief. “Good.”
“I wouldn’t do that to her, Mark. She has all these plans. I’ll wait at least a year before I put a baby in her belly.” I smirk and sit on a stool.