“Sit with me,” Ruby says, bringing me to the sofa. We sit down, and Jim pulls a chair in from the dining room, setting it down on Ruby’s other side. “I need to tell you a story, and I need you to listen. Okay?”
I barely manage to nod. The way Ryan won’t stop staring at me, Ian won’t even acknowledge me, and Jim looks so sad is unnerving. Ruby angles her body toward mine and places a hand on my knee. Tears fill her eyes as she visibly fights to keep them at bay. She hasn’t even started her story yet, and I already feel nauseated.
“I’ve fucked up a lot in my life. I’ve been selfish and mean. And the person I hurt the most was the one person who never did a cruel thing to anyone, not ever. My sister, she was always so quiet and kind, ya know?” Losing the battle with the tears, Ruby lets them stream down her cheeks unabashedly. None of the men in the room dare to move.
“I’ve always been reckless, never thinking how I hurt her. And I didn’t mean to hurt her, please believe me. You have to believe me. I just wanted better than I had, that’s all. I shouldn’t have been so horrible to her.” Her voice breaks. Jim reaches a soothing hand out to her shoulder, calming her shaky tears. I don’t know what to make of this conversation and the message she’s trying to convey. She keeps talking, though it’s jagged. She talks about her relationship with my mother. Eventually, the tears slow, and her breathing regulates some.
“Your Aunt Gloria was my best friend. We used to get in so much trouble together.” Memories flood my brain, of that last night Gloria and I spent together. She sat me down and had a similar conversation with me. Nothing makes any sense. Gloria talked about my mother like she had this spirit, this whole charming personality that just radiated. She said my mother was her best friend, but the woman Gloria described is nothing like the mother I knew—even before the cancer made her so frail. The woman Ruby describes is exactly as I remember my mother to be—quiet, obedient, kind.
“Gloria used to take me around her neighborhood, showing me off to all the men she knew. They were always older, married. It wasn’t a big deal for these guys to take a goomah. She thought one of them could help me out. I had Ian, no education, and in that neighborhood, being some guy’s mistress was a couple of steps up from the welfare line.” An awful sickness churns in my gut. My father’s taken a few whores that I know of over the years. I know how it works. All of her apologies about my mother, and now this—I just want to block it out. If she’s going to tell me what I think she is, I’d rather not hear it. I respect her too much to hear that she was my father’s whore.
“Did you have an affair with my father?” I bite out, shrinking away from her. A moment of regret washes over me. Curling into the corner of the sofa, I try to create as much distance between the two of us as possible. Her lip juts out as she covers her mouth and lets out a sob. Anger flashes through my limbs. My caring Aunt Ruby is a slut. I scrub my face with my hands, not even wanting to think about the way she betrayed my mother. Minutes pass as I try to process this information. Eventually, Ruby’s shaky voice breaks through my bubble of denial.
“I was an awful sister. I was also a single mom with a kid I couldn’t afford. I made a horrible choice, but I need you to listen. Even if you hate me, this is something you need to hear.” My eyes shoot to hers, and I nearly crumple under the visible weight of her pain.
“I got pregnant. I… wanted to keep my baby.” The world spins around me, my limbs shake, my lungs strain to pull in an adequate amount of air, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m imagining things. “Your father pushed for an abortion until the babies were born. He’d been married to Esmeralda for a few years at that point, and they weren’t having any luck.”
“What are you saying?” I shriek, unable to control my volume. My muscles tense in a painful contraction. “Why are you saying this?”
“I am so sorry, baby. I loved you from the moment I knew you existed. I named you, I talked to you, I wanted you.” A hollow sob escapes my lips as my entire body begins to tremble. I choke out a cry, and then another. Somewhere in the distance of the destruction of my entire world, I see Jim move closer. He wraps his arms around a sobbing Ruby.
But she’s not just Ruby, is she?
She’s my mother.