I fight to keep the tears at bay, and succeed, but just barely. “Nothing. Ryan doesn’t want me. You don’t have anything to worry about,” I say. Jim’s gaze is cold, not even remotely surprised. Of course, what an idiot I am—Jim knows damn well that Ryan would never trade in his patch for some stupid little girl.
Squeezing past Jim, I cross the kitchen and rush down the hall to my bedroom. Just as I cross the threshold, I shut the door behind me, leaning against it. The pressure on my chest weighs heavily, and my heart beats loudly in my ears. Sliding down the door, my butt hits the floor, and I curl into myself. A rustling noise alerts me to movement on my bed. PJ stands on all fours from the center of my bed and yawns. Her short, floppy ears twitch, her head tilts sideways, and her wispy tail swings so furiously her butt wiggles from side to side. Patting my knee, I welcome her over. Excitedly, she bounds forward, leaping off the bed and crashing into my legs upon landing. I wrap my arms around her wiggling body and give her a smile.
Movement sounds on the other side of the door. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I shush PJ, commanding her to lie down on the floor. Ever the obedient dog, she does as directed, but her excited eyes stay focused on me. Turning toward the door, I place my ear against the wood and close my eyes. My room is the only bedroom on this end of the house, sandwiched between the kitchen and the rec room. People rarely ever pass by my door.
“Leave her alone, babe,” Jim says in a whisper.
I hear Ruby hmph and say, “She’s upset, Jim. She needs me. When I see Ryan, I’m going to tear him a new asshole.”
“You don’t even know what happened.”
“Does it matter? She’s upset, and he did it. That’s enough for me,” she hisses quietly. I strain to hear over PJ’s excited panting.
“Calm down, Mama Bear. Your cub is fine.”
“She better be,” she snaps and stomps down the hall.
“Fucking women,” Jim mutters. “And I know you can hear me,” he says a little louder. My eyes widen for a moment before I respond.
“Yeah, well, you’re in front of my door,” I say back, loudly. PJ jumps to attention, pressing her nose to the closed door, and whimpers at the sound of Jim’s departing laughter. I give PJ a grumpy look. Her body jerks forward, tail wagging once more, and then stops.
“Kisses,” I say, giving into her pathetic blue eyes. She darts forward and covers my face in slobber. Keeping my eyes closed, I giggle uncontrollably at the loving assault. It’s hard to be upset about everything else when PJ gets going. I’ve never had a pet until now, but now that I have her, I can’t imagine being without her. It’s amazing how kind and loving animals can be while humans can be so cruel and heartless.
Far too emotionally spent, I decide to skip the shower and instead opt for crashing for the night. It’s well past two in the morning, and my body is giving out on me. I don’t even worry about changing my clothes as I open my bedroom door a crack and crawl into my bed. Kicking my shoes off and patting the bed for PJ to follow, I snuggle into my pillow and close my eyes. The weight of everything—Jim’s orders, Ryan’s behavior, the way he felt inside me, the way he purposefully humiliated me in front of the club—slam into the forefront of my mind. PJ crawls in beside me, and I drift off chanting in my head, I will not cry.
Chapter 20
Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.
Marion C. Garretty
MORNING COMES WAY too early. After a fitful night’s sleep, I’m not ready to be up yet, but my mind is slowly waking. I try, and fail, to block the words that have assaulted my mind since the moment they were said.
Your pussy’s good, but it ain’t that good.
No excuse to be a rat.
Do you want me to stop?
Harsh sunlight streams through my bedroom window, covering me in its warmth. Stretching out my legs and arms, I find myself sandwiched. Blocked on both sides by fur, I blindly pat my bed mates down, finding PJ’s short double coat on my left and Tegan’s long coat on my right. Tegan whimpers at my assault and rustles around immediately, then settles back in. When she’s awake, she’s sharp as a tack, but asleep, she’s useless. PJ stands immediately, looks around, barks loudly, and then rushes out of the room at warp speed.
Blinking my eyes open, I groan at the discomfort of the first sight of the bright sun. Letting out a heavy yawn, I fold my hands over my stomach and stare up at the ceiling. Classic rock blares from the other room, the bass so loud it vibrates the retro ‘70s light fixture that hangs from my ceiling. This isn’t exactly abnormal around here. Anytime Ruby cooks, she blasts the massive stereo system in the kitchen, no matter what time it is. And don’t even get me started on her music choices when she makes her special baked goods.