My phone chimes, letting me know I’ve received a text. It’s from Nic, telling me she’s outside. I roll my shoulders and stretch my sore muscles. I’ve been working at fixing up my room for most of the day. It’s almost looks like someone lives in here now. Shoving my phone in my back pocket and grabbing my hoodie, I rush out of my room. My room has a sliding glass door that opens onto the front deck, and there’s a sliding glass door in the rec room next to my bedroom. I could leave the house out of either, and they’d both be closer to Nic’s car than the front door, but I can hear Ruby’s voice in the kitchen. I don’t want to run out without telling her where I’m going.
Approaching the kitchen, I realize only too late that this was a bad idea. Ruby’s seated at the breakfast table, laughing with Ryan, whose back is to me. Picking her beer up, she meets my eyes and waves me over. Entering the kitchen, I see Jim and Ian in the other two chairs. A long, glass pipe lays on the table, remnants of burnt weed scattered about. Two silver lighters sit in front of Ian. The air is heady with the sickly sweet scent.
I’m standing behind Ryan when he leans back in his chair and gifts me a devastating smile. His gray eyes wrinkle in the corners. Caught off guard by his demeanor, I don’t see it coming. He reaches his right arm behind him and around my waist, pulling me in and down on his lap before I can even make sense of the movement. I knew he had long arms, but that was like some sort of octopus move or something.
Shocked, and unable to control my reaction, I twist in his lap and glare at him. His bloodshot eyes and exaggerated pupils make my chest feel like it’s on fire. Of course he’s being playful, he’s high. Every emotion I’ve tried so hard to keep at bay boils to the surface in one swift motion. Barreling back with my left arm, I swing around and make contact with his right bicep. He laughs.
“Stop it!” I scream, leaning into his face. The volume makes him jerk backward and drop his hands from around my waist. I just need him to stop touching me. This on/off switch he has where he can so easily be attentive and present and then a moment later be so cold and callous is making me crazy. I can feel it in my bones. I think it might actually be making me insane.
Taking advantage of his surprise, I move off of his lap and stand just as my phone chimes. Nic. She’s still out in the car waiting for me. I don’t have time for Ryan’s shit. I move away from him and look up to leave. I’d forgotten about Ian, and Jim, and Ruby. They clearly haven’t forgotten about me. Each has a different look about them, and yet every arched brow and pursed set of lips tells me that none of them approve. Whether they disapprove of the way I spoke to Ryan or his attention toward me, I don’t know.
I look down for just a moment before forcing myself to raise my head. Looking Ruby in the eye, I softly say, “I’m sorry”. Her eyes widen, her lips thin out, and just when I think she’s going to scold me, she throws her head back and her body shakes with silent laughter. Soon Jim and Ian follow. I don’t have any earthly idea why they’re laughing until they taunt Ryan for getting yelled at.
“Nic’s here. Can I still go?” I ask.
Ruby composes herself as much as she can and says through her laughter, “I keep telling you, you don’t have to ask permission. Just be safe, and call any of us if you need anything. And keep an eye out, okay?”
“Where are you going?” Ryan asks. Setting a switchblade knife on the table, he leans over and grabs the pipe. He flicks open the blade and scrapes the debris from the bowl of the pipe and blows on it. He doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Out with Nic,” I say, reluctant to give him too much. I want him, but not like this. I want him to just be better. I’ve seen the better side of him, and I have to believe there’s more of that underneath the surface.
“And where exactly is out with Nic?” He pulls a plastic baggy from his jeans pocket, sets it on the table, and pulls off a chunk of weed. Putting his elbows on the table, he rests his cheek against one of his hands and looks at me. This is the way I like him, even if I’m not crazy about the question. More freedom or no, I still have men ordering me around and keeping tabs on me. I guess some things never change.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “This town is like three miles wide. How far out can we really go?” I raise my arms, palms up, and lift my shoulders.
“When will you be back?” His voice lowers, but not in a peaceful, calming manner. With every word, he sounds more detached than before. It’s unnerving how his stare penetrates everything within me. Every lesson I’ve been taught about manners and kindness, even the ones I’ve learned by the back of my father’s hand, fall away when Ryan’s around. Frustrated, I look to Ruby. She’s watching Ryan carefully.