When the Heart Falls

I check my phone again. Nothing. He’s been gone a few days now, almost a week, and I haven’t heard a word. I know he’s got a lot of stuff going on with his family, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s also out of sight, out of mind. He was never convinced we could make it work long distance. Have I lost him already and I don’t even know it?

The thought sends so much grief crashing into me that I clutch the safety rail for stability. My mind wanders through Paris, reliving all the romantic, funny and sweet moments Cade and I have shared here. Our first kiss on the Eiffel Tower, the demolition of artifacts at the Louvre, days spent walking the gardens, talking about art and architecture and writing and books and life. We may not have been together long, but without him there’s a hole in me that refuses to heal.

I feel someone behind me and it pulls me out of my thoughts. For an instant I think it’s Cade, always my thoughts go to Cade, and always I’m wrong.

"Hey, babe, what's the matter?"

I turn to face Rodney. If my reaction to Rocco was bad, this is worse. My heart skitters in my chest, my stomach drops. I struggle to breathe. "Nothing." I position myself to move past him. "I have to get back to the group."

He advances on me, and I back away until I hit the safety rail.

Taking advantage of the limited space, he presses against my body, arms holding the rail on either side of me so I can’t get out. "Come on, babe, tell me what's wrong. Let me cheer you up."

I lick my lips to muster some moisture in my dry mouth. "Get away.”

He shakes his head and clicks his tongue. "So rude. I'm just trying to help."

I’m shaking, I can’t help it, and I know it turns him on. "I don't need any help."

"Of course you do.” He pushes closer to me, and I gag on the scent of him, the smell that haunts my nightmares. “Listen, how about we ditch all these losers and go somewhere more private?"

"We can't skip the tour."

He snickers. "Right. You're a good girl. At least, you pretend to be. But I know what you want." He touches my arm, making my skin crawl. "Remember how that feels?"

"Get. Away." I mean it to sound like a command, forceful and intimidating, but it comes out like a mouse squeak.

"Come on. You know you want—"

There's a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Excuse me,” says a man with a familiar Texas drawl, “but I'm going to need my traveling companion back."

It's Cade. My Cade. I blink through tears to make sure I’m not imagining it, but his cowboy hat comes into view, then his face, his beautiful magnificent face, and I want Rodney to curl up and die and never touch me again.

"I thought you left.” Rodney steps away from me, and I move behind Cade, shaking like a leaf.

"I had something to do," Cade says. "But it's done now." He looks at me, his eyes, so blue, so kind, so full of love. "I'm back."

I smile and wipe the tears from my eyes. No time for crying now. My Cade is back.

Cade looks at Rodney. "So if you don't mind, Winter and I have things to discuss."

Rodney puffs up his chest, not ready to back off. "Who's gonna make me?"

Cade pins him against the railing, just as Rodney had pinned me, and whispers something in his ear.

Rodney's face drains of blood, his eyes bulging, and when Cade steps away, the bully turned coward holds up his hands and scuttles away like the bug he is.

Once Rodney is gone, Cade pulls me to him. My body is still shaking, but for entirely different reasons. His smell, his touch, things I feared I’d never experience again, send me over the edge of happiness.

“Are you okay, Winter? Did he hurt you?”

“I’m okay, now that you’re here. Are you okay?” I’m not going to bring up the lack of phone calls. I’m too happy he’s here now.

“I am now that I’m with you.”

"What did you tell Rodney to make him leave?"

Cade smiles. "I reminded him of my fondness for sticks."

I don't get it, but it's not important. Cade is back. My Cade. Le sigh.

Then I remember why he had went away in the first place. “Stevie?”

Cade’s smile falters, and I hate that something I said caused that. “He died.”

I wrap my arms around his waist, still looking up at him. “Oh, Cade.” I don’t say I’m sorry, because those are such weak words, so instead I send him all the love I have in me and hope he feels it.

“I’m actually doing better than I thought. He passed peacefully, and I finally learned something important about my family, and about love.”

“What’s that?”

“That love is letting go.”

My heart skips a beat in fear. Is he breaking up with me? Did he come all the way back to Paris to break my heart?

He must see the panic in my eyes, because he brings his finger up to stroke my cheek. “Don’t worry, Winter. I’m not letting go of you, not in the way you think. I just mean that love is about letting go of the expectations we have of other people to make us happy. We have to find that in ourselves. No one else can give it to us. If we don’t, we’ll crush those we love with expectations they can never meet.”