Sage smiled a little before shaking her head. “I’m not sure love is enough to fix this.”
“You didn’t do any of it to hurt him. If he can’t see that, he’s an idiot. I’ll tell him that, if you like.”
She snorted. “I’ll pass.”
“It’s an open-ended offer, so let me know if you change your mind.” Nicholas stood and stretched. “With that, I think I’ll go to bed. Never thought I’d look forward to sleeping on dirt and grass again. I’ve got sand in places I can’t explain.”
“Nicholas.” She waited for him to pause. “Thanks. For everything.”
He saluted her. “Good night, Mistress Sage.”
When the prince was gone, Sage dragged herself to the table and sat staring at her ledger. She’d leave it for Alex. He wouldn’t be too proud to use the information. After several minutes of leafing through pages, unable to focus on any of the words, she flipped the book shut. The small trunk at her feet was open, and Sage leaned down and shifted the contents around until she found what she wanted.
She hadn’t taken the letter on the desert journey, not wanting to risk ruining it. Now she spread it out beneath the candle and read the words she’d missed, but this time they only spoke of something she’d lost, perhaps forever.
During the day I miss your laughter and your wit and your smiles and the sharpness of your mind. In the evenings I think more of your kisses, sighs, and understanding ways. Then some nights I lie awake consumed with thoughts of the day I can love you in every way. On nights like this, my hunger for you overwhelms me. I can dwell for hours on the taste of your mouth and the scent of your hair and the touch of your skin.
“Sage?” came a voice from outside the tent. “It’s Cass. Can we talk?”
She folded the letter and shoved it in the ledger, then wiped her eyes. “Yes, come in.”
Casseck ducked inside and hunched over comically, his blond hair brushing the ceiling. He gestured to her cot. “Mind if I sit?”
“Go ahead.”
Casseck eased down onto the bed and folded his hands awkwardly. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.”
He smiled sheepishly. “Haven’t we all.”
“Did Alex send you?”
“No, he’s asleep. He’d probably be furious if he knew I was here.” Cass stared at the ground. “Look, Sage, I’m not going to take a side in this. You’ve hurt him pretty bad, but I know you wouldn’t have done what you did without a damn good reason. He’s just not been thinking clearly lately. I think you should know why.”
“I’m listening.”
“Do you know what happened at Tegann after the night you escaped?”
“Clare said everyone thought I’d been caught.”
“That was later in the day, Sage. For the first couple hours, Alex thought you were dead.” Casseck took a deep breath. “You don’t know what it did to him. I’ve been his friend for twelve years, and I’d never seen him lose control, not like that.”
Sage had. She’d held Alex as he cried over Charlie’s death through the night, wiping his face after every time he was sick. Had he been like that over her?
She looked into Casseck’s eyes and realized that was exactly what had happened.
“But then we learned you might actually be alive,” Cass continued. “We started everything early, though it was riskier. Alex searched the whole keep for you. By the time he got to the duke’s rooms, they were the only place left you could’ve been.”
Sage felt all the blood drain from her face. Alex, climbing down a rope from the top of the keep and kicking in the window, knowing Charlie was in there and suspecting she was, too.
“He thinks I don’t know, but he has nightmares all the time,” Cass whispered. “Especially since seeing you again. It wasn’t until today that I realized what they were about.”
But Sage understood. “They’re about choosing between me and Charlie.”
Casseck nodded. “And choosing between you and me. Or you and any of the men he commands.”
Alex hadn’t tried to stop her from coming, confined her to the camp, and kept her at arm’s length to protect her, he was trying to protect himself. She’d been too wrapped up in using her own mission to get back at him for last year to see it. But then, as now, it wasn’t about trust. It was about the one threat to Alex’s ability to lead men into death.
Her.
And then she’d snuck into the desert mission and made his worst nightmare into reality.
Sweet Spirit, what had she done?
“I have to go,” she whispered. “It’s the only way he can do his job.”
“Maybe, yes, but I also think we need you now.” Cass shook his head in disbelief. “Did you really learn to speak Casmuni?”
Sage smiled weakly. “Not well. Just enough to be understood.”
“Still impressive.”
“Thanks.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “Cass, are we broken beyond repair?”
Casseck sighed. “I don’t know. If it weren’t for Charlie, I’d say you two could get through this, but—” He broke off, cocking his head to the side.
She heard it, too. Shouting. People calling for arms. There was growing light outside the tent walls. Sage leapt to her feet the same time Cass did, and when he ducked to keep from hitting the ceiling, their heads nearly collided. She let him run out ahead of her and skidded to a halt behind him when he stopped.
Henry went running past and Casseck grabbed his arm. “What’s going on?”
“We just got a runner from Sergeant Carter, sir,” the squire said. “He’s engaged a hostile force about a mile east of here. Captain’s called everyone to march.”
Alex was striding around several yards away, wearing light armor and buckling his sword belt as he shouted orders.
“Casmuni?” said Casseck.
“No,” said Sage and Henry at the same time. “Kimisar.”
49
NICHOLAS JOGGED TOWARD Alex through the chaos, leading Surry, already saddled and wearing her armored breastplate. “I have your horse, sir!” he called. “The other squires are getting the rest for the lieutenants.”
As soon as the prince was close enough, Alex put a hand on his shoulder and used it to help him mount. Nicholas handed him the reins and saluted before running off again. From Surry’s back, Alex surveyed the activity with satisfaction. Organization was taking over; the Norsari were forming into lines and the rest of the officers would be mounted within a few minutes. He found Sage weaving through the ranks with a makeshift oxbow on her shoulders, balancing two buckets of water on either side from which men were taking last-minute drinks. Good thinking.
Units were calling out their readiness, and Casseck came trotting up to him on his own dun-colored stallion. “All ready and accounted for, sir!”
“Fourth platoon will stay behind to guard the camp,” Alex said. “Have them spread out along the perimeter.” Cass passed the order, and Lieutenant Gramwell’s men fell out, most frowning in disappointment, though Gram looked exhausted and relieved.
The night was pitch black with no moon. “Have the squad leaders get torches,” Alex ordered. “We’ll need all the light we can carry if we’re going to get there in time.” Three precious minutes went by. When Casseck signaled they were ready, Alex didn’t hesitate. “Move out!” he bellowed.
The first platoon plunged into the woods, following the wide path along the river. Alex swung Surry around to look for Sage again. She stood watching on the other side of the marchers. Their eyes met.
“Stay here,” he mouthed across the stream of men between them before turning and kicking his horse into a run.
*
The Norsari ran at a trot, making good time on the path, and they reached the area of fighting in about a quarter hour. Ash and the Ranger squad stood in a semicircle, facing the forest with their backs to the river. Several held low-burning torches.
“Thank the Spirit,” Ash said, rushing up to Alex as the Norsari poured around them, taking a defensive stance. “We’re outnumbered, and they’ve been coming at us in waves, pushing us back. We had nowhere left to retreat.”