“Take no notice of your dad, Georgia. You are a bit skinny, but you look well. You look really well.”
I smile at her. “Thanks, Mum, I’m doing okay.” She watches me for a long moment. I don’t know if she’s waiting for me to say something or if she’s about to. I hear fat spit in the oven and it reminds me of my unanswered question from earlier. “Why so many spuds, Mum? Who else is coming?”
She frowns as she looks at me. “Just the usual, what’s that work out now? Eighteen, nineteen with Cam.”
“Everyone’s coming? You’ve invited everyone over for dinner?” She walks back over to the fridge and gets out the wine again, coming back to top up our glasses.
“Yeah, everyone’s coming. Didn’t I say that on the phone?”
“No, no you didn’t, but you should’ve said. I would’ve come earlier and given you a hand.” She stays standing around the other side of the bench and leans her hip into it.
“That’s all right. I like cooking for you all, you know that. I love having you all under the same roof. It’s been too long, George, too long since we were all here together, under happy circumstances.” I look over my beautiful mum’s face; this past year has aged her. God, it’d aged me and I spent most of it on another planet, so I can only imagine how horrible it’s been for her to be fully functioning and watching me go through what I did.
“Thanks, Mum, I can’t wait to see everyone. I’m gonna go and change out of these clothes before everyone gets here.”
My mum tilts her head as she looks me up and down. “Are they the same clothes you flew in?” I nod.
“Yeah, Cam’s housekeeper washed and dried them all for me, but I still wanna get out of them.”
I head up to my bedroom to have a quick shower, hair wash and to change into clean clothes. I hate leaving Cam for so long, but my hair was in serious need of a wash, and at the end of the day, he’s a big boy. I’m sure he can manage my dad for an hour on his own.
I look through my suitcase filled with all of my stuff from Australia. There’s nothing in there I’m going to be able to wear in England right now, so I pull out all of the gifts I’ve bought for my nieces and nephews and just leave the rest in there. I then pull out another suitcase and throw in all of my basics plus a few dresses and pairs of heels. I’m not going to be miles away so it’s not like I can’t come back for more if I need to.
I sit down on my bed for a minute and look at the photos on my bedside table. I have the one taken in the hospital of myself, Sean and Beau and another one of just Sean and me. It’s one of my favourite photos Sean and I ever had taken together. It was my birthday last year. I’m pregnant and I remember the moment like it was minutes ago. Sean and I were standing talking at the charity event the boys had played at. Sean had just come off stage, but Beau was still dancing to his daddy’s music, as he always did at the sound of Sean’s voice. Sean has his hand on my belly and he’s looking at me as I look down at his hand on my bump. He’s looking at me like he worships me. I’m looking at his hand and my belly like they are something magical. The photo was taken by one of the official photographers on the day and he must have made a fortune from it as it was in and on the covers of newspapers and magazines around the world. Because it was one of the last official photos taken of us together, it’s also been used over and over again since Sean’s death.
I pick the picture up and hold it against my chest, against my heart. I can’t get a grip on my feelings. One minute I’m so sure of everything, the next I’m wracked with guilt and sadness. I love Sean. I miss him and I know that I always will, but I also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love Cam and want to be with him. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel what I do for one, without feeling guilty about the other. Am I supposed to feel guilty, or should I just let it go? Is it okay to be happy with Cam but still love and miss Sean? Is there even a right and wrong to any of this?
I hear a slight noise behind me and turn to see Jimmie standing in the doorway and instantly let out the sob I was trying to hang on to.
“Oh, Georgia.” She comes around the bed, sits next to me and takes the photo, looking at it for a few moments, gently stroking her finger over Sean’s face and my bump. She takes my hand in hers. “Tell me what’s wrong, Georgia Rae?”
I let out one more sob before saying, “I’m in love, Jamie Louise.” She bursts into tears.
“Why’re you crying?” She wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me tightly.
“Do you know how fucking happy that makes me, George? I can barely breathe.”
“Did you just wipe your nose on my shoulder?”
“Sorry, babe, yeah, but after what you’ve put me through this past year, you owe me that much at least.” I smile into her neck.