I’m pushed to my stomach and before I’m able to move, he’s lying on top of me. The wind gets knocked out of me for a moment, but it rushes back in when I feel him pushing his dick between my thighs.
“No, no, no,” I whisper yell. I push my hands against the mattress to buck him off me, but his dead weight is too heavy for me to lift. Theo’s legs are tense on either side of my closed ones, so there’s not much I can do with them.
“Stop fucking fighting, Jules,” he snaps. “You know you want it. You were begging for it a minute ago.”
I don’t tell him it was because I thought he was Luca, although he apparently already knows from his comment about me calling his name instead of his brother’s. I don’t want to imagine what he would do if I reminded him.
“I don’t want it, Theo.” I choke out a sob and try to push my hips into the mattress to get away from him. His dick slides between my thighs and he thrusts several times. I gag when he bumps against my entrance, then thank God when it doesn’t go in.
He grunts and groans as he fucks himself between my clenched thighs. I taste blood in my mouth from biting my lips so hard to keep back the scream trying to break free. I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the sheets, praying he doesn’t push himself in me. This is bad enough, but I’ll take it over him entering me.
His fingers dig into my waist, and I know there will be a bruise there tomorrow. Sweat drips onto my back, then his head drops to my neck as his groans become deeper, his thrusts more erratic. I can barely breathe from his heavy weight being on me. When his hand slips under my head and over my mouth, I know it’s about to get worse. I try to bite his hand, but it’s pressed too tightly to my mouth. I whimper and jerk my hips and try my best to dig my hands into the mattress to drag myself away from him when I feel his hand at my butt to line himself to my entrance.
“Daddy?” a little voice calls.
I’m grateful when he freezes on top of me, but then vomit rises in my throat at the thought of Aria seeing her daddy rape me. It’s dark out with no moon tonight, but I don’t know if it’s dark enough.
“Daddy. Is that you?”
Theo grunts and slides off me. I roll to my side and curl my legs to my chest. I take slow measured breaths, even though I desperately want to inhale huge gulps of air. I don’t want to alert Aria that something is wrong.
“It’s Daddy. Go on back to bed, Aria.”
“But you didn’t come tell me good night.” Her voice is small and sad. It also makes me want to punch the ever lovin’ hell out of Theo.
Hearing his sigh of frustration and taking my chance to escape him, I throw the covers off and fumble in the darkness until I find my robe lying on the end of the bed. Luckily, Theo doesn’t try to stop me.
I stuff my arms inside and tie the sash around my waist as I tell Aria, “Your daddy’s not feeling well tonight, Aria. Why don’t I come tuck you back in the bed? You can see your daddy in the morning.”
I’m proud of myself when I manage to keep my frightened emotions out of my voice.
“Okay,” she says dejectedly.
I feel Theo’s eyes on me in the darkness as I walk toward the door where Aria is standing.
“Good night, Daddy. I love you.”
At first he doesn’t say anything, and anger spikes. Just as I make it to her and grab her hand, he says quietly, “Good night. Love you.”
I can hear the anger in his voice, and I’m grateful when Aria doesn’t pick up on it.
I wipe my eyes as I lead her back to her bedroom. When she crawls into bed, I make a split-second decision and slide in beside her. I’m not using Aria as my shield because I know Theo won’t come in here. I just need a few moments to hide before I go out to the couch in the living room. There’s no way I’m getting in that bed with him again.
“Is this okay?” I ask Aria.
When she snuggles against me, I know it is. “Uh-huh,” she mumbles sleepily, already drifting back to sleep.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her small body closer to mine. Kissing the top of her head, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I lie there and think about what I should do, knowing deep inside there’s no way I can stay here, but also knowing my options are very limited.
I only mean to stay a few minutes, just enough to calm my nerves, but it’s not long before sleep claims me.
WHEN I WALK IN THE door from standing with Aria at her bus stop, something I’ve been doing since my first week living here, I spot Theo standing from the couch. His eyes carry remorse and shame. But I’m past caring about his guilt. He’s a grown man and knew what he was doing last night was wrong.
I avoid his eyes and walk to the kitchen. My hands shake as I fill a mug with the coffee Theo must have made while I was gone. Fear slides down my spine when I feel him enter the room. He scares me and being alone with him makes it worse.
Feeling his heat at my back, I stiffen and step away from him.
“I’m sorry, Jules,” he says softly.
I ignore him and scoop some sugar in my coffee, then creamer, before stirring the contents. Hearing his sigh, I turn around to face him. I lean back against the counter, cross my arms, and rest my mug on top of my arm, letting the heat warm my chilled hand.
He’s standing a few feet from me. Sensing my mood, he keeps the distance between us. I notice his hands are balled into fists at his sides and the tightening of his jaw.
“I don’t know what came over me last night. When you started moaning in your sleep, I thought you wanted me to touch you.” He keeps his voice low. “I never meant to hurt you, Jules. I never wanted to hurt you.”
Guilt tries to claw its way inside me, because I was moaning in my sleep, so to him, I was enjoying it. But the moment I said no, he should have stopped. It doesn’t matter if my body responded to his while I was sleeping. The point is, I didn’t enjoy it when I woke up, and he continued anyway.
I wasn’t even thinking about him in my dream, and that thought brings on another round of guilt, even if I had no control over it.
“I told you to stop,” I remind him shakily.
“I know.” His head drops, and I watch as he takes deep breaths before lifting his head again. “I should have stopped when I realized you weren’t into it. My only excuse is I was overwhelmed with needing you.”
“That’s no excuse, Theo.”
“I know, damn it!” he yells, roughly running his fingers through his hair. I flinch at his outburst and press back further against the counter. “But I just… couldn’t. I wanted you so fucking badly.”
We stare at each other, his eyes flashing numerous emotions so fast I don’t have time to identify each one before they settle on irritation.
“I said I’m sorry, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod and blank my expression, hoping it’ll appease him. A minute later, he gives me a nod back.
When he walks toward me, I can’t help but shrink into myself. He doesn’t stop until he’s toe to toe with me, his chest meeting my arms. He looks into my eyes, searching them.
“I promise I’ll do better, Jules. I swear that won’t ever happen again. I can wait until you’re ready.”
I’ll never be ready for him to touch me, not after he’s tried forcing himself on me twice, but I don’t tell him that. Instead, I nod again.
He leans down, and when his lips press against mine, I grip my mug tighter. I don’t respond to the kiss, but I don’t push him away either. It worries me to think what he’ll do if I do push him away.
“I’ll see you this evening,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’m not working late today.”
I almost laugh, because he hasn’t worked late any of the days he’s claimed he has. I wonder if he really thinks I’m na?ve enough to believe him.
He pulls back, turns on his heel, and walks out of the kitchen. When I hear the front door close behind him, I release the breath I’ve been holding on a painful whoosh.
I PRESS THE PHONE to my ear and wait for it to ring. My eyes close and my chin drops to my chest when it rings six times before going to voicemail. Their hatred for me is apparently still there, and I don’t know why I even try anymore.
Even so, I talk to them.