“Because he found out about you and wanted you for himself. He’s obsessed, Jules, and not right in the head. When he learned we were married and leaving town, he went to your apartment and attacked you. By the time I found you, you were on the floor already knocked out from a head wound. He got into the wreck after leaving you and lost the last six weeks of his memory. That’s why he doesn’t remember.”
A fierce pounding starts in my head and works its way down my spine. I gasp and my heart stutters. My breathing becomes heavy, but no matter how much air I draw in, it doesn’t feel like enough. I blink rapidly when my vision becomes blurry. I shiver when coldness seeps into my bones, but I feel hot at the same time. Something fierce beats at my skull, as if it’s trying to get out.
All of a sudden, I’m pushed forward until my head is in between my knees.
“Breathe, Jules. Take in nice long breaths of air.”
I try to concentrate on Theo’s coaxing voice instead of the hard words he spoke only a moment ago. I close my eyes and will the panic away. I suck in a lungful of air and blow it out slowly as hands rub up and down my back. I repeat the exercise over and over again, until the dizziness and blurry vision subsides.
Moving slowly, I sit up. My head is still pounding, but it’s not as bad. My mouth feels like it was stuffed with cotton, so I grab Theo’s beer from the table in front of us and take a swallow, then almost gag at the bitter taste.
“Oh, God, how can you stomach that stuff?” I complain, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and giving him back the bottle.
He gets up and comes back a moment later with a glass of water. I take it gratefully and gulp down several swallows. We’re silent for a few moments before I break it.
“I just can’t believe he would do something like that,” I say breathlessly.
I hug my arms around my middle when a new hurt forms in my chest. It’s hard to believe Luca would be capable of something so heinous. I don’t know him that well, but I’ve never gotten a sinister vibe from him the few times I’ve been in his presence. Intense yes, but not harmful. I’ve always felt more safe around him than I do with anyone else, like he would protect me, no matter the cost. It physically hurts to think of him purposely harming me.
“Yeah. I didn’t think so either,” Theo puts in darkly.
I glance over at him and see the ire back in his eyes. I shudder, not sure if it’s from his dark look or the aftereffects of my panic attack.
“Now do you understand why I want you to stay away from him? I don’t know what he’s capable of.”
I nod, but say nothing. I’m still trying to come to grips with what he told me.
“I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I’ve got a headache,” I tell him, and get up from the couch. I need to be alone.
“Jules,” he calls and grabs my hand. I look down. “I want you to sleep in my bed tonight.”
My first reaction is to tell him no, that I’m not ready, but then I think about my earlier resolve of trying to make it work between us. I owe it to both of us to give it a try.
I force a smile. “Okay.”
Something fiery passes in his eyes, and I refrain from retracting my agreement. He lifts my hand and brings it to his mouth. I swallow back the bad taste in my throat when his lips touch my skin. Once he releases my hand, I walk quickly down the short hallway to Aria’s room and grab my nightclothes.
Going into the bathroom, I drop down on the toilet and hang my head. My chest feels hollow as I think about Luca being the cause of my coma. I always felt like there was some type of connection between us, but I never would have guessed it was because he was ultimately my downfall.
I rub my chest over my heart when that thought leaves me feeling empty.
I FEEL WARMTH AT my back and something lightly touching me along my side right above my hip. My muscles tense when I realize it must be Theo. Earlier, when I went to bed, I lay there stiff as a board, waiting for him to come into the room. I must have lain there for over an hour before my body relaxed and I was able to doze off. I may have said I would sleep in his bed, but I was still apprehensive about more than that going on.
Hot breath fans across the back of my neck, and I force my body not to move away from him.
“I remember when you got this tattoo,” he whispers, his fingers tracing the small tattoo right above my hip. “You got it to signify our love.”
I close my eyes tightly when his hand moves from my hip to my bare stomach. He keeps it there, but rubs his thumb back and forth. His hands are so big that every time his finger glides across my skin, it’s only inches away from the underside of my breast.
When his chest meets my back, which ultimately puts his hardness against my butt, I can’t hold back my whimper. He takes the sound as a sign of encouragement instead of the distress it was meant to be.
“God, Jules,” he groans against my shoulder as he lays his lips there, letting his tongue run along the skin. “I’ve missed touching you. I’ve waited years for this.”
When he moves his fingers up my stomach and the tips graze the bottom of my breasts, I hold still when all I want to do is push his hands away. My hands fist the pillow, and I silently beg God that I can make it through this encounter without becoming sick. I don’t understand why his hands and mouth seem so abhorrent to me when we’ve made love in the past.
With my eyes still clenched shut, I try to concentrate on just the feeling of his hands cupping my breasts and pinching the tips and not who is doing it. It’s a mistake, because without imagining it’s Theo, someone else takes his place. Theo and Luca are twins, so of course they look alike, and it’s easy to put Luca in Theo’s place.
My eyes spring open wide. I should not be thinking about Luca in this situation. I shouldn’t be thinking about him at all.
Determined to push him out of my head, I roll to my back so I can see my husband’s face. The moon is full tonight and gives just enough light through the partially open curtains to see the surprise in his expression before a sensual smile curves his lips.
“You’re so fucking pretty.”
I force myself to smile up at him. He lowers his head until his lips rest against mine. When his tongue touches my lips, I open my mouth and grant his access. He takes advantage and drives his tongue inside, pressing our mouths together so hard my teeth cut into my lip. I moan from the slight sting, and again he mistakes it for passion.
His hand leaves my breasts and travels down my stomach until he reaches the waistband of my pajama shorts. I turn rigid and my hand closes around his wrist. His head lifts, and he stares down at me with a frown.
“I don’t….” I shake my head and try again. “I don’t know if I’m ready to go all the way.”
“We won’t,” he coaxed gently. “I just want to make you feel good, Jules. We’ll stop before it goes too far.”
I don’t tell him what he’s doing right now is already going too far. It’s me, I know it is. It’s not anything he’s done. It’s my stupid head and the crazy things running through it. It’s my mind not letting me enjoy it, and not willing to give Theo a chance.
I draw in a breath and fortify my resolve. After I nod, I respond meekly with, “Okay.”
His head drops to my throat, where he inhales deeply. After several moments, his hand at my shorts slowly inches the material down my legs. Once they’re off, I lie there tautly. His hand smooths up my legs until he reaches the apex of my thighs. Not realizing I’m doing it, my legs press together tightly, unconsciously trying to keep him out.
“Open your legs for me, Jules. I promise to make it good for you.”
I stare up at the ceiling as I open my legs, unable to look at him. I will my body to respond, to give even the smallest inkling that what he’s doing feels good.
Disappointment and misery hit when I feel nothing. Maybe I’m broken and incapable of feeling desire.