The four of us just froze, as if holding our positions, weighing each other up. Pammie was the first to speak, but when she did, it was the last thing I expected to hear.
‘Emily, come and take Poppy,’ she said. I looked from her to James, and then up at Adam, who still loomed above me. I crawled on my hands and knees towards Pammie and, once I was sitting up against the wall beside her, she gently handed my baby to me. I held her to me and breathed her in.
‘I saw you, Adam,’ Pammie said. ‘And you saw me. It’s over.’
‘What the hell is going on?’ said James.
‘I was at the house that night,’ she said to Adam. ‘When Rebecca died.’
Pammie’s shoulders shook as she gave in to her tears. ‘I heard you goad her as she struggled for breath . . . I watched you deny her the inhaler.’
I gasped, as James uttered, ‘What?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Adam defiantly. His shoulders back and jaw set.
‘Adam, I was there. She begged you to help her, and you could have. You had her life in your hands. All you had to do was give her the inhaler. But you just stood over her, watching her die. How could you do that?’
‘You’re crazy,’ Adam sneered, although I saw there was a panic in his eyes.
‘And when you disappeared and took yourself back to the train station to start your walk home again, I was left there, desperately trying to save her life.’ Her voice broke as she sobbed. ‘I will never forgive myself for not being able to.’
‘What are you going on about?’ barked Adam. ‘I was at work. You called me, remember? You were the first one there. You were also the last one to see Rebecca alive. Some would think that’s one coincidence too many, don’t you think?’
‘Don’t you dare,’ spat Pammie. ‘I will carry the responsibility for my part in this for the rest of my days, for the way you’ve turned out, and for the callous things you’ve done. But I did everything I could to help that poor girl, just like I’ve done for Emily.’
She turned to look at me, her eyes pleading with me to believe her. ‘I’m so sorry it had to get to this before I made you see what he’s capable of.’
I could hear her words, but they weren’t making any sense.
‘What are you saying?’ I asked.
‘I tried to help you,’ she said through her tears. ‘I did everything I could to warn you off, but it was never enough. You kept coming back at me for more. Why couldn’t you see what I was trying to do?’
‘But you hate me,’ I said, the words tumbling from my mouth, faster than my brain could control. ‘You did the most wicked things.’
‘I had to, can’t you see?’ she sobbed. ‘I had to get you away from him and I thought it was the only way. But that’s not me. That’s not who I am. Ask anyone . . . You may think you know Adam, but you have no idea.’
‘This is crazy,’ he said, rubbing his hand furiously back and forth through his hair, as he paced up and down the landing like a caged animal.
As I looked at him, every conversation that we’d ever had ran through my head, his words in stereo sound-bites. You’re being disrespectful. You’re not going out dressed like that. Why is Seb going? I’m calling the wedding off. What do you think I am, a monk? The force of his blows still stung, but it was the memory of his vicious words that cut the deepest, the realization of the control he’d had over me causing the most pain.
‘I’m sorry for hurting you, I truly am,’ Pammie continued, ‘but I couldn’t think of any other way. I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew it was eventually going to come to this, if you stayed.’
‘But why . . . why didn’t you just tell me?’ I stuttered, turning to Pammie. ‘If you knew what he’d done to Rebecca?’
She shook her head and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
‘Babe, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about,’ said Adam, looking at me imploringly. He was clearly hedging his bets, trying to work out which of the women in front of him had his back. ‘She’s crazy, insane. You’ve got to believe me.’
‘I thought you loved me . . .’ I started.
I flinched as he crouched down in front of me, on tenterhooks as to what he might do next. ‘I do, you know I do,’ he said. His hands were shaking and he had a twitch in his jaw, a tell-tale sign of the adrenaline that was rushing through him.
‘But now it all makes so much sense,’ I went on quietly. ‘You never loved me, you just wanted to control me.’ I pulled Poppy closer to me as she let out a sleepy cry.
I went to stand up, in the vain hope that it would make me feel stronger, but was reminded of the pain in my hip. My legs buckled. James rushed forward to support me and I fell into his arms.
Adam lunged at the pair of us. ‘Get your filthy hands off her,’ he yelled. ‘She belongs to me.’
James moved to shield me, and pressed me back against the wall, out of harm’s way, as he grappled with Adam in the tight space.
‘You’ve always wanted what I had,’ sneered Adam to his brother. ‘Even when we were little. But you’ll always be second best – you’ll always be the poor relation.’
As I slid back down the wall, with an ever-protective arm around Poppy, my mind flashed to a bizarre image of two young boys racing crabs along a beach. I could hear the crack of its shell and James’s tears. I wondered how far back Adam’s murderous tendencies ran.
‘Enough,’ screamed Pammie, putting her slight frame between the pair of them. ‘I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t go on pretending everything is okay. Nothing has been okay since your father died. You’ve held me to ransom ever since, with your threatening comments and cruel notes. All designed to let me know that you know. I gave you every last penny that I had, whatever I could afford, but it still wasn’t enough to make you stop. I’m sorry for what I did, and I’m sorry that it made you the way you are, but enough now.’
James took hold of his mother’s hand. ‘Ssh, Mum, it’s okay.’
She collapsed into his arms. ‘I can’t go on, son. I’m too weak.’
Adam’s face crumpled at the sight of two policemen rushing up the stairs towards us. ‘It doesn’t have to be like this,’ he said, looking at me pleadingly. ‘We’ve got Poppy to think about. She needs the both of us. We can be a family, a proper family.’
‘Adam Banks?’ enquired the police officer.
He looked at me again and reached for my hand. ‘Please,’ he begged, with tears in his eyes. ‘Don’t do this.’
The policeman held Adam’s arms behind his back and handcuffed him. ‘Adam Banks, you do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.’
‘You’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life,’ Adam spat at me as he was led away down the stairs.
As the door closed behind them, the three of us remained where we were, unmoving and paralysed with shock. James was the first to speak.
‘If you knew all this, why didn’t you go to the police back then, when it happened?’ he said to Pammie. ‘Why did you put Emily at risk?’
‘And the inhaler was in your house,’ I said, in a trance-like state, still trying to piece together events and remembering out loud. ‘I saw it. You hid Rebecca’s inhaler in your house.’
‘I couldn’t tell the police,’ she cried. ‘And I had to take the inhaler, otherwise why wouldn’t she have used it? He left it right there beside her. Like all the other attacks she’d had, a few puffs would have got her round the right way. People would have known that, her parents would have known that, and would have started asking questions. I had to keep Adam out of the picture.’
‘But why?’ asked James, seemingly as confused as I was.
‘Because he saw me,’ she said quietly.
We both looked at each other as Pammie bowed her head, her whole body shaking. James went to her, and put an arm around her, but she shrugged it off. ‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘It will only make things worse.’
‘How much worse can it get?’ asked James.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she cried. ‘I never meant for it to happen.’