‘Yes, all good,’ I replied. ‘You? You look like you’ve been away.’
‘We’ve been to Greece,’ said Kate excitedly. ‘It was amazing, wasn’t it?’ She looked to James, who gave her the same look back and took hold of her hand. Did Adam and I look at each other like that?
‘Here’s the big man,’ said James, as Adam came towards us smiling.
They shook hands and I watched as Adam was introduced to Kate, their attempt to kiss each other awkward as he went in for two, whilst she was only expecting one. I could feel a prickle of embarrassment from them both.
She was all eyes and teeth, and I pulled at my dowdy blouse self-consciously, wishing I’d worn the dress that Adam and I had fought over a few weeks ago. At least then I could have begun to compete.
‘Isn’t she gorgeous?’ Pammie whispered, as she stood beside me, watching them. ‘She’s got it all.’
I didn’t react. I just continued to watch the two men fawn over her. This was going to be worse than I had even imagined.
‘So, what’s new?’ James asked, finally bringing me back into the conversation.
‘Well, let’s just order a bottle of wine and we’ll tell you,’ said Adam, summoning over the waiter.
‘Sounds ominous,’ James laughed.
‘Not at all,’ said Adam. ‘We’ve got some pretty big news, actually.’
I watched Pammie’s face, her muscles contracting as she struggled to remain expressionless.
‘Oh yes?’ she managed. ‘Have you set a new date for the wedding?’
‘Not exactly,’ said Adam. ‘Things have moved up a gear or two.’ He looked at me and took my hand, and I gave him my best winning smile.
‘Ooh, sounds exciting,’ piped up Kate.
Adam looked around the table and grinned. ‘Well, we’re having a baby,’ he said.
James’s mouth fell open, Kate beamed and clapped her hands together, and Pammie sat there stony-faced, her jowls twitching.
‘Wow, guys, that’s amazing,’ said James. ‘That’s really cool. Wow.’
‘How far gone are you?’ asked Kate. ‘When are you due? Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?’
I batted the answers back just as fast as she asked the questions.
‘Three months. Spring. No.’
James shook Adam’s hand again, and he came around the table to kiss my cheek. ‘Congratulations,’ he whispered, and my body stiffened.
‘Mum?’ said Adam, still awaiting a reaction.
‘Well, it’s just a shock,’ she said tearfully. ‘A good shock, but a shock nonetheless.’ She tried to smile through her tears, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
‘That’s wonderful news, son, really.’ She wasn’t attempting to get up, so Adam went around the table to her. I didn’t bother.
She clung onto him, like a limpet.
‘Mum, you’re supposed to be happy, not crying.’ He laughed. ‘Nobody’s died.’
‘I’m all right, son,’ she said, sniffing. ‘Being a grandma is going to take some getting used to. I’m pleased for you, really I am.’
She extricated herself from Adam’s grasp and caught my eye. I almost didn’t want to look at her. But I fixed on that smile again, the one that pretends to the world that everything is great, and locked eyes with her. I felt a jolt. The anger and fury I’d expected to see wasn’t there. All I could see was fear.
‘Talking of good news,’ she said, pulling her eyes away from mine. ‘James also has something to tell us, haven’t you, darling?’
He smiled, as his hand searched out Kate’s again. ‘Yes, I’ve asked Kate to marry me, and she said yes.’
A rush of blood flooded my head.
‘Isn’t that marvellous?’ cooed Pammie, as she reached across to take both James and Kate’s hands in hers. ‘We’re going to be great friends, I can tell already.’
I looked at Kate, searching for some kind of recognition, a sign that we were two kindred spirits, battling furiously against the power that was Pammie. But there was nothing but innocent devotion in her eyes, and a warped belief that Pammie was telling the truth.
I didn’t know who I pitied the most. Her, for her unsuspecting naivety, blissfully unaware of how this woman, who proclaimed to be her friend, was about to become her arch-enemy, or me, whose life she’d already tried so hard to destroy. I was a shadow of my former self, insecure and paranoid, held together by the love of a man I hoped I could rely on when it all imploded.
I watched Kate as she snuggled into James’s embrace, flushed with excitement and passion. Pammie was right. She did have it all, and I wished I were her. I remembered a time, not so long ago, when I was swept along with the thrill of our new relationship, enjoying it for what it was, not thinking for a moment that anyone, least of all Adam’s own mother, could cause the pain that she had.
‘Let’s get a bottle of champagne to celebrate,’ gushed Pammie.
Was nobody going to ask what the rush was? How they could be so sure that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together having only known each other for a few months? Surely Pammie was going to step in, say her piece, as she did with me – but she remained stoical.
I watched as she poured out four glasses of champagne, and handed them out to everyone but me.
‘Congratulations!’ she said, raising her flute. ‘To James and Kate.’
I looked to James. His eyes darted backwards and forwards between his mother and Adam, but didn’t rest once on me, in between.
‘Mum, can Emily have a glass?’ asked Adam.
‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t think she’d want to,’ she said. ‘I thought you weren’t supposed to drink when you’re pregnant. Well, you couldn’t in my day, anyway.’
‘Times have changed,’ I said curtly. ‘I’ll have a small glass, thanks.’
‘Here’s to baby Banks!’ said James.
I closed my eyes and savoured that first sip, the effervescence popping on my tongue.
‘So, have you set a date yet?’ asked Pammie excitedly.
‘Well, we’re thinking springtime next year, if we can get it organized in time,’ James said.
‘Ah, just in time for the little one to be born,’ she said, tilting her head in the direction of my stomach. I smiled to myself, knowing that by then I’d either be the size of a bus, or have a baby latched onto my boob. Neither scenario made me feel very glamorous.
‘I’ve got a scrapbook at home, filled with pictures,’ said Kate. ‘I’ve had it ever since I was nine or ten. Some people think I’m a bit deranged.’ She gave a little laugh.
Again, I flinched, waiting for Pammie’s derisive put-down, but nothing came.
‘That’s so sweet,’ she said, instead. ‘I did the very same thing as a young lass. I showed it to my Jim, and he promised me that I could have everything in it.’
Kate smiled at her.
‘Well, show us your ring, then,’ said Pammie.
‘I was so surprised,’ said Kate, as she thrust a solitaire diamond in our direction. ‘I had no idea.’
‘I’m really pleased for you,’ Pammie said warmly. ‘Welcome to the family.’
Was I missing something here? It felt like I was intruding on a special moment between a mother and her daughter. Had Pammie been like this with me, once upon a time, in the very beginning?
I thought back to our very first meeting, at her cottage, when she left the photo album with Rebecca’s picture staring up at me. She meant for me to see it, even then playing mind games with me, daring me to ask the questions that I didn’t want to know the answers to. She’d planted a seed and sat back to watch it grow, hoping that, in the meantime, I’d be too weak to deal with the consequences. She thought she could cast me aside, as she’d done with Rebecca, but she hadn’t reckoned on my love for Adam. I love him more than life itself, and, as I sit here, with new life growing in my belly, I know that there is nothing she can do to take that away from me.
40
‘I promise it won’t be over the top,’ said Pippa, when I turned my nose up to a baby shower. ‘Just friends, a few balloons, and lots of prosecco.’
I rolled my eyes and pointed to my huge stomach.