There would be many things I remembered on my death bed.
So many wonderful things.
But that kiss?
That first kiss where Della was my wife would always be the brightest.
That kiss was our beginning, middle, and end.
That kiss bound us past life and death, sickness and health.
That kiss was life itself, never ending, forever existing, two souls entwined…
…for eternity.
*
“Are you sitting down?”
My fingers tightened around my phone, my eyes tracking Della as she packed a few clothes for us to return to the forest for a small honeymoon.
Only a couple of days, just enough to consummate—more than once—and to forget our future. If we could.
“No. Should I be?” My voice was gruff, belying the injection of panic.
Rick Mackenzie, my oncologist with his Scottish calmness, said, “Let’s get the important stuff out of the way, shall we? Let’s start with Della Mclary.”
“Della Wild now. As of a few hours ago.”
Della threw me a kiss, folding a t-shirt neatly.
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” My knees wobbled, depositing me onto the pushed together single beds of our youth. “Is she okay?” My eyes never left Della’s as she plopped the t-shirt into the small pile we were taking with us and came toward me.
Slotting herself into the V of my spread legs, her fingers curled in my hair, and I held her waist to my nose.
I inhaled hard, smothering a cough as Rick said, “She’s fine. No signs of any asbestos related diseases.”
A cry that could only be described as tormented thanks fell from my lips, soaking into her belly button. “Oh, thank God.”
Della hugged my head, trembling. “I love you, Ren.”
Her whisper scattered around me as Rick continued, “As for you…I really should ask you to come into my office so we can go through any questions you might have, but...well, I can’t wait. I wanted to tell you straight away.”
Blackness slithered its way through me, blotting out my hope, tearing up the calendar pages of my heart, deleting the months I thought I had. His urgency created pure terror. “What is it?”
You have one month to live.
Kiss your wife goodbye.
Hope you have your casket sorted.
I planted a hand over my eyes, begging the depression to stop.
Rick’s voice cut through the medley. “You’re a positive responder, Ren.”
For a second, I had no idea what that was.
All my research and knowledge, gone.
Poof.
Then the words deconstructed and reassembled into a sentence I could understand. You’re not dying…yet.
The phone slipped through my hand. It bounced on the carpet like an undetonated bomb.
Was it real?
Was it true?
Not only had I gotten one dream by marrying Della today, I’d earned an extension from leaving her too?
“Ren?” Della’s worried voice cut through the buzzing in my head. “You okay?” Ducking, she collected the phone and held it to my ear. “He’s still talking.”
I cupped her hand with mine, ignoring the phone.
My lungs blazed with pain, but I didn’t trust that pain anymore. It was trying to make me believe in a lie.
I’m not dying…yet.
Gripping her hard, I breathed fast. “It’s-it’s good news. Fuck, it’s excellent news.”
For all my positive thinking, I hadn’t dared hope for this.
It would fucking break me if it turned out to be bad.
She nodded frantically, tears sparkling. “Thank God.” Urging me to take the phone, she said, “Find out more. Talk to him.”
Licking my lips, I obeyed, still shell-shocked and disbelieving but ready to listen. “Sorry. Minor accident. Wh-what did you say?”
“What happened? You drop the phone?” Rick chuckled. “You wouldn’t be the first. But…be happy. You didn’t mis-hear. I said you’re showing signs of improvement. As you know, mesothelioma is aggressive, and the tumours are small and dispersed throughout your lungs and abdomen. However, the treatment has halted any from multiplying. In some areas, they’ve even decreased.”
“Holy shit.”
Della whacked me on the shoulder. “Language.”
I laughed, daring to grab a piece of lightness in all of this. “Sorry, Doctor Mackenzie.”
“Bah, I’ve heard worse. And call me Rick. Think we’re on first-name terms now that I’m healing ya.”
Della bent and pressed her head against the phone, trying to hear. I pulled it away and put it on speaker so we both could listen.
Coughing just a little, I asked, “So…what now?”
“Now? We keep you on three weekly treatments and watch for more progress. If, in a few months’ time, your lungs show significant improvement, you come off the drug and are announced in stable condition.”
Don’t ask.
Don’t ask.
“And my prognosis?”
I asked.
Shit.
This was a happy time.
The best of times.
I shouldn’t ruin it by asking for the new date of my death.
However, Rick laughed encouragingly, light-hearted even, infecting me with his optimism. “Screw one to two years, Ren. You’ve just bought yourself a few more. I don’t know how many more, but you’re young, only stage one, and prepared to do whatever it takes. That in itself puts you miles ahead. As far as I’m concerned, we’ll keep you alive for however long you decide.”
“Forever.” Standing, I pressed a kiss to Della’s lips, talking more to her than my doctor. “I choose forever.”
She kissed me back, breathing, “Forever, Ren. A hundred forevers.”
“On that note, I’m gonna leave you two newlyweds to enjoy the good news. See you soon, Ren.” Rick hung up.
Tossing the phone onto the bed, I swooped my wife into my arms and spun her around. “I hope you didn’t marry me thinking I’d be dead in a couple of years, Mrs Wild.”
Her head tipped back, blonde hair flying, diamond ring glinting. “God, you calling me that does things to me.”
“Things?”
Her lips crashed down on mine. “Bad things. Wet things.”
I stumbled to the wall, wedging her beside our old dresser. “I mean it, Della. I’m going to fight. Every fucking day.”
“And I’m going to love you, every fucking day.” She plastered my face with kisses like she used to do when she was a kid and excitement overflowed.
“Language.” I nipped at her lip.
“Kiss me, husband.” Her lips kissed every part of me, from chin to throat to ear.
I loved she still retained that childish enthusiasm.
I loved that she was giddy with joy, celebrating the best news of all.
Her lips gave up their flurry of kisses, seeking my mouth with sweet desperation.
I matched her with a different kind of fury.
One of bittersweet relief and explosive gratefulness.
I’d sworn my life to this woman.
We no longer had to play pretend husband and wife.
We were real.
As real as any other couple and just as permitted to love unconditionally.
And yet, I would forever be more than just a husband to Della. And she would forever be more than just my wife.
Our relationship would always have a different depth to it.
A unique connection that had been formed thanks to so many facets of love.
Love that had already been tested in so many different ways.
Breaking the kiss, I grabbed her hand and twirled her wedding ring.
“Wild forever and always.” I quoted the inscription. “Time means nothing when it comes to true love. Promise me you understand that.”
She searched my eyes, finding nothing but my soul bare and hers for the taking.
Death would still come for me.
But for now…we were hiding.
Hiding out of its reach, creating a life that would be so infinitely precious and pure.
She blinked back tears. “I understand, Ren.”
“Good.”
She smiled softly. “Fine.”
The familiarity of such a silly phrase meant we didn’t end up camping that night.
We fell together and consummated our marriage in the very same beds where we’d denied such a future from existing.
From children to adults.
From friends to soulmates.
Forever.
Forever.
And always.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
REN
2021
“REN?”