“Having you guys back here, knowing the farm will be taken care of and that you’re both happy and safe…that’s a gift for me, do you understand? It’s a gift because I saw where you guys came from, and I feel as if I played some small part in getting you this far.”
“You did,” I said fiercely. “Without you, I would’ve died of pneumonia.”
“Without you, we wouldn’t have trusted anyone or been fit to be around society,” Della murmured.
“Well, I’m glad. But you’re both stronger and braver than you give yourselves credit for, so I won’t take all the praise.” He looked down at the table, refusing to meet my eyes. “What I will do, though, is take your word that you’ll accept this.”
“Accept what?” My back stiffened, muscles locking.
“Give me your word.” He narrowed his eyes. “Before I tell you.”
“Not going to happen.” I crossed my arms.
“Della?” John turned to her. “Give me your word, sweetie, seeing as that stubborn husband of yours won’t.”
“I won’t risk his temper.” She laughed. “Best spit it out. Otherwise, Ren will just snatch what you’re hiding and find out anyway.”
She’s right.
I was seconds away from stopping this charade.
John chuckled. “You’re probably right. Look at the man.”
They both looked at me, twin expressions of affection and exasperation.
I scowled harder. “Ganging up on me won’t make me take this any easier.”
John laughed again, before slipping back into seriousness. “I changed my Will and Testament.”
My heart stopped beating. The ruckus in the lounge quietened as the adults tuned in to listen. “Excuse me?” I leaned forward, ever so slowly. As methodical as a viper. “What did you say?”
John puffed out his barrel chest. “I asked Adam, Liam, and Cassie before I did it, and they’re all on board. Don’t think for a moment there is any bad blood about this, or that it can be taken away from you in the future. Because it can’t.”
“You’re terrifying me.” I swallowed hard. “What. Did. You. Do. John?” My teeth chopped every word.
His chin cocked, daring me to challenge him. “I split the farm five ways.”
“What?” I shot to my feet. “What does that mean?”
“It means, Cassie has a fifth for her horse business, Adam has a fifth to do what he wants, Liam has a fifth for his interests, Della has a fifth, and you…well, you, Ren, you have a fifth, too. Just because Patty and I only gave birth to three kids doesn’t mean we don’t have five in our hearts. Our Will didn’t include you guys, and now, it does. You each have fifty acres. It’s a decision I needed to make. And it’s a decision you have to accept because I’m not changing it.”
Della started to cry beside me. “Y-you can’t do that. It’s too much.”
“No, sweetheart.” John reached across and wiped away a tear, his large hand almost smothering her entire cheek. “It’s not nearly enough. I know you and Ren will protect this farm and work it the way it’s meant to. If Adam and Liam want to sell out at some point, buy their shares and claim it for your own.” He flicked a glance at Cassie. “I know my daughter won’t be going anywhere, not now there’s help on hand with her horses, and I love that Chip has entered the family business by running the books. I have no doubt between all of you, you’ll make this land earn its keep ten times over.”
I’d gone silent.
Words had vanished.
Anger twisted with guilt and fired into rage.
Della shook her head. “But it’s not fair Ren and I get a piece each. Just give us one.”
“No. You were two people before you became one. It’s already drawn up.” Sliding a stapled together document, he smiled. “See? You’re listed as my inheritors, but the farm is officially yours now. I want to retire and enjoy my grandbabies. I don’t want to be up at dawn anymore, but I also don’t want to leave this place. You’re allowing me to stay while doing all the hard yards for me.”
I still hadn’t said anything.
Didn’t know how.
Didn’t know if I wanted to yell, kill him, or burst into goddamn tears.
He’d not only given me land but a future I’d been desperate to give to Della. He’d provided for us when that was my job.
It felt like charity.
It felt like a slap in the fucking face.
Did he do this because I was dying?
Did he do this because he thought I couldn’t give Della what she deserved?
My temper steadily grew until John looked up and made eye contact with me.
And he knew.
He knew what I struggled with because despite not being my true father, we were more alike than we thought.
“I’m not stupid, Ren. I know what you’re thinking. You think I did this because of your diagnosis—”
“You don’t know a thing about me—”
“Wrong.” He stood, squaring off with me. “I know what it’s like to love someone so much your only wish is to keep them safe. I know what it’s like to fear their future if you’re not in it. I know what it’s like—” His voice broke, and his fists balled before he growled. “I know what it’s like to face a future without the person you love, and it’s so hard, Ren.”
I vibrated with the urge to hit him.
He made me feel weak and wanting. Made me feel selfish for dying before I’d provided for Della—that I wouldn’t be able to pave her future the best I could so she could walk safely ahead without me.
I was sad for him for losing Patricia.
Of course, I was.
But our situations were entirely different.
“I don’t need your charity, John,” I hissed. “I don’t need you putting words in my mouth—”
“No, you need to accept that this isn’t about you. It has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with love. I love you, Ren. And knowing what you’re going through, it cuts me up inside. Out of anyone, you did not deserve this. You didn’t deserve any of it. Not when you were a kid and not now.”
My nostrils flared; my teeth grated together. “I’ll survive. I always do.”
“I know that. But I also know that love can be as much of a destroyer as it can be a gift. I didn’t do this out of charity. I did it because you deserve it. You and Della. And I did it for me because I want you here. I don’t want you to leave again. I want my farm looked after for years to come.
“But I’m also realistic that eventually, you won’t be able to work the fields anymore. Your energy levels will mean you’ll have to hire people. It’s a responsibility and one that will be yours until your dying day. That isn’t charity, Ren. That’s reality, and I’m giving it to you, knowing you can cope with it.”
His gaze fell on Della, who stood taut and stressed, watching us scream at each other. “I’ll be beside you every step of this, Della. Ren has the hard part of battling this disease, but you have the hardest part by being left behind. I miss Patty every day. And I would never put that on anyone, especially someone so young.”
Della broke into tears, running into his arms.
I couldn’t move.
Glued to the floor.
Confused and lost and howling.
I would never be prepared to say goodbye to Della and leave her alone like Patty had left John. I wished I could take back my wish to die before her and man up and take that agony on her behalf.
She had the worst part of this.
Her pain wouldn’t stop like mine on my dying day.
Her pain would continue, year after year, forever.
Fucking hell.
The urge to vomit prickled my skin with heat.
The diabolical, unchangeable, grief-stricken knowledge that I couldn’t change any of this.
I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t refuse it.
None of this was new.
But, somehow, John had made it all so much more real.
I was trapped inside a body that had condemned me, and as much as I raged and begged for a solution—any solution—I wouldn’t get free of my fate.
I clenched my jaw as caustic tears stung my eyes.
Yesterday, I’d married Della and felt as if my world was complete. Today, I wished she’d never met me so I could protect her—like I was born to protect her—and never break her heart this way.
I could call every specialist. I could research every study. I could try every drug, treatment, and experiment, hoping, always hoping, praying, threatening, bribing, selling my soul for a chance…one chance…but eventually…