“You did what? Why would you do that, Cane? I can’t even believe this! You totally overstepped your bounds.”
“You don’t understand! I had to make sure you were safe! And you obviously found a way around that, anyway. But part of that is my fault. I knew last night that something was different for me, something really different, when I hated myself for leaving that bar without you.”
I spun my ring around my finger as I absorbed his words. When he left that bar without me, I felt so inconsequential. And that was the same thing Decker had always made me feel and the one thing I swore I would never feel again.
“I realized that there are things out there worth fighting for, both literally and figuratively. Things were put into perspective for me tonight. The idea of you being hurt killed me, Jada. The thought of some other man’s hands on you had me seeing red. My reaction was worse than I even thought it would be. I could have killed him. Fuck, I still want to kill him.”
“I may have listened to you if you would have just told me. I felt like you were trying to impose your will on me and I don’t do well in those situations. I don’t know.”
He placed both of his hands on the sides of my face and stared intently into my eyes. “All I know for sure is that I want to be with you. Just me and you. Give me a chance. Have some patience because there’s a learning curve for me, but I promise you that I won’t hurt you. Not on purpose. I can’t believe this is even coming out of my fucking mouth, but I can’t control it. I can’t get anything done; I can’t focus on anything besides you because you are the one thing that’s hanging out there. I just … nothing feels right until the moments we are together.” He grinned nervously. “I just want to be with you.”
No matter how badly I tried to tell myself I didn’t want him and that I couldn’t need him, no matter how hard I pushed him away or how angry he made me, I still wanted him. It didn’t make any sense why I would be drawn to him after everything I had been through until I broke it all down.
In spite of all of his imperfections—he was real. He wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t pretend like he was. He didn’t try to feed me a line about Lesley and he didn’t lie to me, even though it would have saved my feelings a little. And he went after Simon, right or wrong, as soon as he heard what had happened. If Simon would go to the police, Cane could be in serious trouble. But his first thought was me. And that was the difference. In my relationship with Decker, it was never about me. He would lie, cheat, steal and pretend to be the perfect husband. Cane and Decker, while appearing on the outside to be the same, were actually very opposite.
But that didn’t mean Cane was the right answer for me.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
“Don’t be afraid of me, baby. Don’t be afraid of this. I’ve fought it for so damn long, but I’m tired of pretending. When Max called me tonight and told me what had happened, it was like he wiped away all the fog. It was all of a sudden crystal clear,” he said as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. I couldn’t help but lean against his hand. “Let’s just take it slow. See what happens. Just let things happen because if the past few weeks are any indication, things are going to happen anyway. We can’t seem to stay away from each other.”
A knot of uncertainty was wound tightly in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t work it free. The last time I allowed myself to believe another man’s promises led to the destruction of my heart.
“It’s not that easy for me. You hurt me on purpose last night, just like Decker used to do. No matter how attracted to you I am or how much I want to be with you, there is a part of me that feels like it is really ridiculous to even consider it. Why would I?”
“There is a difference,” he said simply.
“What’s that?”
“I have never given you my word. I have never made a commitment to you. Hell, I’ve never even wanted to think about making a commitment to anyone before. But I want to make one to you. I want to give you my word that I want to see where things go with us and I want you to give me yours, too.” He tilted his head, his forehead wrinkled in thought. “I don’t break my word, Jada. I’ve never said this shit to anyone else. You are the one exception to every rule I’ve ever made.”
My heart swelled and I fought back the tears that were congregating. He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles and it warmed me from the inside out.
“For someone that doesn’t like words, you are doing pretty good with them right now.” I bit my lip as he leaned in closer.
“You just said a second ago that you know who I am. Jada, you know who I have been. But I can be who you need. I’ll do my best to be that man. I want to be that man.”
I reached up and touched the side of his face. Please don’t let this be a dream.
“Are you sure about this? What if you wake up and hate the person that you’ve become?”