“I know Simon is gone now, but … even before I left, before all of the Simon stuff came to light to me,” I raised my eyebrows, driving home my point, “I was worried.”
“About what?”
“That you were pulling away. Maybe it was because of Simon, since you obviously knew more than I did. Or maybe your new project at work. I don’t know. But then Ashley in your office just set fire to that little bit of insecurity that had been trying to turn into a wildfire on its own.”
“No. That’s crazy talk.”
I forced a swallow. “Crazy or not, that’s what I’m thinking. You asked.” I spun my ring on my finger.
“Yes, I knew about Simon when you did not and I had a lot going with that. Yes, my new project at work has been a giant pain in the fucking ass, but it will be worth it in the end.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb, his voice softening. “But the Ashley thing is bullshit. Plain and fucking simple.”
I smiled shakily, almost afraid to believe what he was saying.
Like he could read my thoughts, Cane smiled. “Believe it.”
“I want to. I never wanted anything more than I do for this to work, but—”
“But?” He sat upright, the fire back in his eyes. The Cane I remembered was back. “There are no fucking buts, Jada. I’m sick and tired of feeling like my life is over. I haven’t seen the sun shine since you left. I didn’t know what it even looked like until I saw you in that little restaurant and I never want to go a day without it now.”
He took a deep breath. “I should have been honest with you from the start. But I wasn’t. And I take responsibility for that. But I’m also taking responsibility for our future, Jada. Our future. Because my future doesn’t exist if you aren’t in it.”
The tears I had been fighting welled up again.
“I may not be perfect but I am real, Jada. I’m going to fuck up again, probably. But I told you once I would never hurt you on purpose and I haven’t. And I won’t. Ever.”
Tears silently slid down my cheeks, my emotions stripped raw. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tears pouring freely down my face. He held me tight against him, crushing our bodies together.
I held on for dear life: for my hopes, my dreams, my fears and for our future.
“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you think is perfect, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have. And I love you with everything I am, Jada,” he whispered.
I pulled away from his embrace far too soon, but I couldn’t allow myself to get hauled back into things without really thinking them through on my own terms.
“When are you planning on leaving?” I asked, looking out the window.
He smiled. “As soon as you are ready to go home with me.”
I shook my head sadly. “Cane, I don’t think I can go now.”
He sat up straight, his eyes wild. “What do you mean you’re not going now?”
I looked away from him and towards a pic of Heather and Brian kissing and laughing at what appeared to be a concert venue. That is how things should be. Easy. Enjoyable. Fun.
“I’m not going to Arizona,” I said softly.
“Okay. So you want to wait a few days? I understand that.”
His voice was full of hope that I had to shatter.
I turned to look at him, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Cane,” I began, “please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“This doesn’t have to be hard at all. You go pack your stuff and we get on a plane and go home.” He bit his lips as he watched my reaction. His mannerisms betrayed the coolness of his voice.
I had to look away from him before I spoke. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I had to make sure that whatever I did was the right thing. If this wasn’t going to work out, I wanted to know now while I could restart easily and not be completely wrecked.
“There’s just a lot of stuff that I haven’t had time to process. I don’t want to just run back to Arizona and pretend like everything’s perfect. Decker lied to me, hid things from me so many times and I just listened to his apologizes and I—”
“I’m not fucking Decker! You can’t punish me for what he did to you!”
“I’m not punishing you for what he did to me, Cane. I am learning from what he did to me. And now that you are doing things that are very, very similar, I have to change the way I react. Otherwise, that’s the definition of insanity!”
“Jada,” he said as he knelt down in front of me, “please don’t do this.”
I looked into those blue eyes that I loved, the ones that made me feel safe and adored. There was a storm brewing. My chest burned with the feeling that I had caused that. “I’m looking out for myself. That’s all.”
“I want to look after you. You are my girl.”