He hesitated and the next few seconds seemed to last an eternity, before we both jumped as a loud voice called: ‘Hello? Can I come in?’
We leapt apart, like someone had swung two magnets around, and the door juddered open to reveal a ruddy-cheeked Louise. She’d shoved it with her foot as she had a furlined Parka in one hand and a mug in which some unappetising brown liquid was slopping around in the other.
‘Oh! I’m so sorry, do excuse me, Mrs Davies, I didn’t think anyone was in here. I was just illicitly dumping my stuff, but now look,’ she nodded at her husband as she stepped over the threshold, ‘I’ve been caught red-handed.’ She laughed good-naturedly, and plonked her cup down on the desk next to Simon, before tucking a stray piece of her curly bob behind her ear, not a hint of the bad mood Simon had mentioned. She peered at me more closely and said with surprise: ‘You’re crying. Is everything alright?’
‘It’s fine.’ Simon smartly walked round his wife, and hurriedly closed the door again. ‘Mrs Davies was upset by a stranger in the street coming up to her outside school this morning and announcing that God loves Beth.’
Louise raised an eyebrow.
‘She’s also concerned about some classroom difficulties Beth is having,’ Simon blurted.
I tensed immediately. I didn’t want Beth labelled in some way when there was nothing wrong with her at all. That was completely unfair.
‘Oh no! I’m very sorry to hear that,’ Louise said.
‘Yes, Beth’s being bullied.’ Simon continued, immediately falling into the out-of-practice liar trap of volunteering too much information.
‘Bullied?’ Louise looked astonished. ‘What – here? You’re kidding! By who?’
‘Oh, someone in her form,’ Simon said evasively, as I looked down at the floor.
‘Well, I have to say, I’m amazed,’ Louise said, after an uncomfortable moment’s pause where she waited for a name, which was then not forthcoming. ‘I would have thought Sandra Fey would have nipped it in the bud.’ She turned to me. ‘You took it to her straight away, of course?’ Her face was set with earnest, professional concern. ‘She’s such an excellent teacher, apart from anything, I’m sure she’d be devastated to think of Beth unhappy. What did she say about it?’
‘We’re going to monitor the situation carefully.’ Simon cut in, adding quickly, ‘you won’t discuss this with Mrs Fey though, Louise, will you? I don’t want her to feel she’s on the radar too. It’s one of those less said soonest mended situations, I think.’
I silently begged him to stop talking.
‘Of course,’ Louise said, slowly. ‘It’s odd that Cara didn’t mention any of this, though. She’s so fond of Beth that I’m surprised she didn’t – oh no…’ she paused. ‘It isn’t Cara you’re talking about, is it?’ She looked at me, worriedly. ‘Has she been smothering Beth, or trying to stop her from playing with other people and you’ve just been too embarrassed to talk to me about it? She does get quite jealous. Not because she’s a little horror or anything,’ she added quickly, ‘she isn’t. She’s just – like me, I suppose: passionate. When she falls, she falls hard and fast, and she does adore Beth.’
‘It’s not Cara at all,’ I said. ‘I promise. Beth is very fond of her too.’
‘You’re absolutely sure?’ Louise said. ‘Sorry, I don’t want to put you on the spot here or anything, Jessica, but – is it OK if I call you that, by the way?’
‘Of course,’ I said quickly.
‘Thank you. I can see I’m making you uncomfortable – but it’s just probably better we get it all out there if Cara’s gone a bit… off-piste.’
‘It’s nothing, honestly.’ I smiled.
‘Well, it’s clearly something, or you wouldn’t be crying,’ Louise said reasonably.
‘What I mean is, it’s nothing I’m sure hasn’t been dealt with now.’ I looked at Simon. ‘I won’t be taking it any further.’
‘Well, I think perhaps I ought to talk to Cara. I appreciate you’re trying to be discreet and avoid any embarrassment, but honestly, I’m not one to—’
‘For God’s sake, Louise!’ Simon exploded suddenly. ‘Mrs Davies and I are dealing with this situation. You can go now.’
Horrified, I watched Louise stare at her husband in amazement. Then she recovered herself, and said: ‘Well, I apologise unreservedly, Jessica. I’ve evidentially misjudged the situation, and overstepped the mark. Please do excuse me. I hope neither myself nor my husband have caused you any offence.’
‘None at all,’ I managed.
Again, Louise shot an incredulous look at Simon, reached out for the door handle, but then hesitated, turned back and blurted: ‘Sorry, but why do I feel like the child being told to let the grown-ups get on with it, all of a sudden? What am I missing here? When do you ever speak to me like that?’ She addressed her last question directly to Simon, and his eyes widened.
He shot me a frightened look, which I saw Louise register immediately. If she didn’t have any suspicions before, she certainly would now.
Her gaze slowly alighted on me. I held it as steadfastly as I could, my pulse starting to pound. Just open the door and walk away, Louise. Please. There is nothing for any of us here. We can all just walk away. But I could see something in her expression beginning to change; I was morphing in front of her very eyes: a green, shy and eager-to-please school mum transforming into a woman some ten years younger than her, standing in her attractive husband’s office, weeping… and an uneasy energy in the air that she couldn’t entirely place.
She wasn’t the type to hold back. ‘What’s really going on?’
Oh God. My head began to swim. I should never have let this happen. Why did I let Beth continue to come here? How could I have been so stupid?
‘Nothing!’ Simon turned to face me properly. ‘It’s my turn to apologise, Mrs Davies. My wife is not quite herself this morning. I do hope that—’
‘Is it something between you two?’ Louise cut across, ignoring him. ‘Do you know each other?’ Simon was right. His wife was no fool. There was a pause where Simon should have leapt in immediately and denied everything – if he was going to. We all heard it. I closed my eyes as he said, far too late: ‘No, of course not. I’m not sure what you’re implying, exactly?’
‘I’d like a moment alone with my husband now, please,’ Louise said, looking straight at Simon.
Now I was the out-of-place teenager. I said nothing; just shamefully put my head down – to think that when I’d met him I had been na?ve enough to think that falling in love and knowing exactly how I felt meant everything would be simple.
Yes, Louise, there has been something between us. There will always be something between us. We do know each other.
I didn’t say that, of course. Dismissed, I stumbled out of the office and clattered back up the stone steps, before hurrying out into the freezing playground, my face burning with humiliation. Finally reaching the door in the wall, I properly escaped onto the safety of the main street and – letting it slam shut behind me – exhaled shakily.
‘Shit!’
I surprised myself by violently exclaiming aloud. How on earth had that all just happened? What was he going to tell Louise? If he did crumble and confess, Louise wouldn’t shy away from confrontation – but would she come after me, or go straight to Ben with her news? And most importantly, what about Beth and Cara? What of them?
I shoved my icy hands into my pockets, only to discover Beth’s gloves. I let out a little cry as I pulled them out – the lecture I’d given her when I’d had them all along! It somehow felt vital that I go back and give them to Beth; to get at least something right. But at the thought of coming face to face with Louise, I replaced them and carried on walking.