‘Ben couldn’t have been certain when it was going to fall. Maybe it was just supposed to smash full stop, and mess with your head. Seven years bad luck. Whoever did this knows that you put store by that sort of thing.’
‘Right. So you think it’s one of my two exes. The only two men I’ve been involved with my whole life, apart from you. Does this say more about you, perhaps, than you realise?’
‘Hey!’ he says sharply. ‘I’ve never had a problem with you staying in touch with Ben. I’ve been nothing but supportive of your relationship with him.’
‘I’ve told you before, I don’t have a relationship with him. Not now.’
There is a pause, and Ed sighs. ‘Alright, so who do you think it is then?’
I miserably draw the covers back over my shivering legs. ‘I don’t know. Maybe Simon’s daughter? She’s good reason to hate me, and whoever has done this knows how to hurt. They know that time doesn’t heal grief and that you’d give anything to go back to when your loved one was still here. That’s what they’re doing. Taking me right back – but to the exact moment I lost Beth for ever. Although Simon and Ben know exactly how that feels too, of course.’ I pause exhausted. ‘When I saw all of those clocks stopped earlier, it was like someone had slammed an apple corer through me. It ripped my guts out, instantly.’
‘Does his daughter even know you?’
‘No,’ I concede. ‘I haven’t seen her since she was five, and she knows nothing about what happened, or who I am.’ I reach for my phone and google ‘Cara Strallen’. But nothing comes up at all. ‘I guess I could ask Simon about it… he’d be easy to find via whatever school he’s gone to in Surrey.’
‘No,’ Ed says, ‘because if I’m right, that’s exactly what he’s going to want you to do – get in touch with him. I say we do nothing, and wait. This person has got no way of getting into the house any more, and we’re watching for them now in any case. I’ll ask Mum and Dad to have James tomorrow, and Sandrine can go too. You and me will work here, and see what happens. We could park the car a street or two away, as well, so it looks like we’re out.’
I shift uneasily. ‘And if they do come back? What then?’
‘I’ll handle it.’
I exclaim aloud in frustration. ‘Can you even hear yourself, Ed? You say you’re terrified of getting four years for blackmail, then in the next breath you say something like that?’
‘I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Jess,’ he insists.
‘But what if something happens to you?’
He snorts. ‘I can hold my own against either of your ex-partners or some girl, thanks very much.’
‘Natalia was here yesterday,’ I realise suddenly, ignoring him. ‘She could have taken my keys, and I’m very far from her favourite person right now.’
‘Natalia?’ Ed frowns doubtfully.
‘I really upset her, big time.’
He yawns tiredly, in spite of himself. ‘Whoever it was, approached Sandrine outside the house at the same time as you were accidentally calling Natalia in the first place, so that doesn’t make any sense. Like I said, no one has actually been hurt, nothing dangerous has happened. It’s just upsetting for you. Genuinely upsetting,’ he says quickly, ‘but I don’t believe any of us are in any physical danger. Get some sleep – and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.’
Chapter Eighteen
‘So you feel hot and shivery?’ I look down at Sandrine lying in bed, her face shiny with sweat and her hair stringy and damp against the pillow. ‘You should have come and got me.’
‘I didn’t want to wake you when I knew James was sleeping.’
‘But I wouldn’t have minded.’ Concerned, I reach out and place my hand against her smooth forehead. She is indeed burning up, and her eyes instinctively close at the cool of my skin. As I’m drawing it back, I realise there is a tear escaping down her cheek.
‘Oh sweetheart, don’t cry!’ I sit down immediately on the edge of the bed. ‘It’s OK.’ I pick up her hand and hold it like I would James’s. ‘You’re going to be OK, I promise. I’m sure it’s just a virus, but it’s horrible feeling ill when you’re away from home.’
‘I’m sorry. I just want my family. I want to be at home.’
‘Of course you do,’ I say sympathetically. ‘Why don’t I go and get you some paracetamol and breakfast, then when you’re feeling a bit better and you’ve had a sleep, I know it’s not the same, but you could Facetime them? You definitely need to stay in bed today though.’
‘Thank you,’ she says, ‘that would be nice. I’m very sorry to not get up with James.’ She sighs and closes her eyes again.
‘It’s no problem. He’s going to be out all day anyway. All you need to do is rest.’
I stand up and look at her lying there. Natalia is right: she’s so tiny she does look like a child.
‘Sandrine, if you felt like you needed to go home, and working here wasn’t what you wanted to do any more, that would be fine,’ I say suddenly. ‘You do know that, don’t you?’
She opens her eyes again and twists her head to look at me quickly. ‘You wouldn’t be angry?’
She does want to go then.
‘Of course not. I don’t want you to be unhappy, or missing your family,’ I say sincerely. ‘We could book you a flight for Saturday if you like? You could be at home again in just two sleeps. Think about it and let me know.’ I take a deep breath and smile. ‘Life is too short.’
She hesitates. ‘I know that person in the dark was only trying to be kind to me, and that mirror falling was nothing, but I am still frightened and I can’t stop. I am always like this. My family, they always laugh because I am the one who is—’ She weakly gasps and mimes jumping. ‘Always, even when I am a little girl I get bad dreams and my little sister sleeps in with me.’
‘That’s nice of her,’ I smile.
‘I miss her. My brother he pretends sometimes, still, to scare me,’ Sandrine laughs but then another tear spills out, ‘but not my sister.’ She wipes it away hurriedly. ‘I am sorry, I think it is because I feel ill only.’
‘I know, please don’t worry. I’ll bring you some breakfast, then James is going to his grandmother.’ I watch her immediately stiffen with anxiety and her eyes widen. Oh God, the poor kid is terrified at the thought of being here alone!
‘Ed is taking James?’ she says. ‘Are you are staying here?’
‘I was going to take him.’ I look at her, troubled. ‘But yes, Ed can do it, that’s fine. You won’t be the only person in the house, I promise – and tonight we will book your flight home, alright?’
She nods, and whispers: ‘Thank you, Jessica. You are very kind to me. Helene told me that you were so nice, but I didn’t know how much.’
‘Ah – well it’s easy to be nice to you both, you’re lovely girls. Now, I’m going to go and get you breakfast. Cereal and toast OK?’
‘Yes, please.’ She turns away from me and faces the wall. I’m about to leave the room when she says in a small voice: ‘Jessica – sometimes I wake up here and I am afraid to open my eyes all the way, or put on the light, because I know I will see someone watching me. I can feel they are there. I tell myself not to be stupid, but I know it is real. I wanted you to know.’
I freeze on the threshold of the room and turn back quickly.
Beth.
The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and I realise I’m not breathing… but Sandrine is right. She’s a young girl, away from home, missing her family and badly frightened. If I were her, and I knew that my daughter had died, I’d probably think ghost children were watching me too.
‘Don’t feel afraid, Sandrine. You are safe, and I promise nothing is going to hurt you.’
She falls silent and for a moment looks at me as if there is something else she wants to say, but thinks better of it and turns away from me again. I hear a muffled sniff as I leave the room that makes me think she might be crying again.
* * *
Back downstairs, Ed is trying to persuade James to eat his last piece of toast. James is more intent on sticking a fork in the top of his Tommy Tippee mug. ‘Alright?’ Ed asks as I walk in. ‘She has overslept then?’