"Wow," I said. "I didn't know."
I waited for a wave of jealousy or bitterness to hit me. Or at least a healthy dose of wistfulness. Instead, I felt the way I do when I read about a celebrity wedding in People. Interested in the details, but not wholly invested in it.
"Congratulations," I said, understanding why Dex sounded wary of my call. The timing was definitely suspect.
"Thank you, Darcy," she said. "I know… this is all so bizarre, isn't it?" Her tone was apologetic.
Was she sorry for marrying Dex? For not inviting me? For everything?
I let her off the hook, and said, "It's fine, Rachel. Truly. I'm happy for you."
"Thank you, Darcy."
My mind filled with questions. I considered censoring them, but then thought, why not ask?
"Where was your ceremony?" I asked first.
"Here in the city. At the Methodist church on Sixtieth and Park."
"And your reception?"
"We had it at The Inn at Irving Place," she said. "It was very small."
"Was Annalise there?"
"Yeah. Just a few friends and our families… I wanted you to be there, but…" Her voice trailed off. "I knew you wouldn't come. Couldn't come, I mean."
I laughed. "Yeah. That would have been sort of weird, huh?"
"Yeah. I guess so," she said wanly.
"So where are you guys living now?" I asked.
She told me they had bought an apartment in Gramercy—which had always been Rachel's favorite neighborhood in the city.
"That's awesome… And are you going on a honeymoon?" I asked, thinking of their trip to Hawaii, but refusing to succumb to negative emotion.
"Yeah… We leave for Italy tonight," she said.
"Oh. That's great. I'm glad I caught you."
"Yeah. Me too," she said.
"So I hope you have a good time in Italy. Give Dex my best too. Okay?"
She said that she would do that. Then we congratulated each other again, and said good-bye. I hung up and looked at Ethan through fresh tears. The kind that come after you've survived an ordeal.
"I was going to tell you," Ethan said. "But with your preterm labor, I didn't want to upset you, and yesterday wasn't the day for it… Besides, I thought Rachel should tell you herself."
"It's fine," I said. "I'm surprisingly fine with it… I guess you were invited?"
He nodded. "Yeah. But I never planned on going."
"Why not?"
"You think I would have left you?"
"You could have."
He shook his head emphatically. "No way."
"You're closer to her," I said, perhaps to gauge his feelings for me, but also because I felt guilty that he had missed one of his best friend's weddings because of me.
"I'm closer to you," he said earnestly.
I smiled, feeling no sense of victory over Rachel, just an incredible closeness to Ethan. I wondered if he felt the way I did—or whether it was only love for a friend.
"And just look what I would have missed," Ethan said, gazing down at John and Thomas.
I thought about the two events—the birth of my babies and Rachel's wedding—transpiring virtually simultaneously, on opposite sides of the Atlantic.
"Can you believe it all happened on the very same day?" I asked him.
Ethan shook his head. "Frankly, no. I cannot."
"Guess I'm never going to forget their anniversary."
Ethan put his arm around me and let me cry some more.
On the day of our discharge from the hospital, Geoffrey stopped by to visit us during his rounds. He shook Ethan's hand, kissed me on the cheek, and admired my sons.
"What a nice guy," Ethan said after Geoffrey had left the room.
"Yeah, he could win the ex-boyfriend-of-the-year award," I said, thinking that as nice as Geoffrey was, I was still certain that I had done the right thing in breaking up with him. The fact that our relationship had weathered the transition to friendship so seamlessly was just further confirmation.
I put on the sweater that Ethan had given me for Christmas as he reswaddled John and Thomas in Rachel's blankets, handing me both bundles, one in each arm. Then Ethan finished packing our belongings, which had spread to every corner of the room.
"I don't want to go," I said.
"Why not?" he asked.
I tried to explain my feeling of wanting to stay in the hospital forever, with a fleet of nurses and doctors catering to me and my children. I felt envious of the women just going into labor, and told Ethan that I'd take the pain all over again for a few more nights at the inn.
Ethan reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. "We'll be fine," he said. "You'll see."