Ethan nodded and then glanced at me sideways. "Any other calls you want to make?"
I could tell that he was thinking of Rachel so I said her name as a question, the two syllables lingering in the room, sounding both comforting and menacing at once.
"Well?" he asked. "What do you think?"
"As a matter of fact, I think I will call her," I said resolutely. "And then Annalise. And then Meg and Charlotte."
It was the right order.
"Are you sure you want to talk to Rachel?" he asked.
I nodded. I couldn't put it into words, but in some inexplicable way, I felt compelled to forge an official truce with my ex—best friend. No matter what had happened in the past, or what the future held for us, I wanted Rachel to hear the news of Thomas and John's birth from me. So I dialed her number on Ethan's mobile before I could change my mind. As I listened to her phone ring, I couldn't decide whether I wanted her to answer or for her machine to pick up.
I got the one thing I hadn't banked on.
"Hell-o" Dex said cheerily.
I panicked, gave Ethan a wide-eyed look of horror, and frantically mouthed, "Dex!"
He grimaced empathetically and then made a motivating fist in the air and whispered, "Go on. Do it. Ask to speak to Rachel."
So I did, gathering strength by glancing down at John, who was making a soft, sucking noise in his sleep. Dex was ancient history. Literally two lifetimes ago.
I took a deep breath and said, "Hi, Dex. It's Darcy. Is Rachel there?"
"Hello, Darcy," Dex said formally. Then he paused as if he were some kind of gatekeeper, suspecting trouble from abroad. "Rachel's right here," he finally said.
There was another long pause, and a rustling on the line. I pictured him covering the phone and coaching her, saying something like, "Don't let her suck you into a conflict."
I thought back to the last time I had seen Dex, in our old apartment, and felt ashamed of the stunt I had tried to pull. I guess my reputation was deserved, and I couldn't blame him for being wary of me now.
"Hi, Darcy," Rachel said timidly, her voice crackling over the distance. It was a voice I had heard nearly every day for twenty-five years, and I felt amazed at how it could now sound both familiar and utterly foreign.
"Hi, Rachel… I had something—I wanted to tell you something," I babbled as my heart raced. "I had my babies last night. Two boys."
"Congratulations, Darcy," she said. Her voice was warm and sincere. "I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you," I said.
"What are their names?" she asked tentatively.
"John Noel and Thomas Ethan."
"I love those names," she said, and then hesitated. "After Ethan?"
"Yeah," I said, wondering if Ethan had told her how close we had become. If he hadn't, she was likely thinking that I was trying to infringe on her turf as Ethan's close female friend. It wasn't beyond the pale of my old tricks, and I felt another flicker of embarrassment over the person I used to be. Still, I resisted the urge to explain why the names were appropriate, and instead, rattled off the other birth statistics.
"How do you feel?" she asked softly.
I could feel myself relaxing as I said, "I'm fine. It wasn't a bad delivery… I'm just really tired now, but from what I hear, it only gets worse."
I laughed, but Rachel stayed serious. She asked if my mother was coming to help.
"Uh-huh. I just talked to her," I said. "You are only the second person I've called."
I wanted her to know the order. I wanted it to count as my between-the-lines apology. I didn't feel up to a full-blown examination of our friendship, but I wanted her to know that I was sorry about what had happened between us.
After a long pause, she said, "I'm really glad you called, Darcy. I've been thinking of you so much lately, wondering how you are."
"Yeah. I got your note. And the blankets," I said. "They're really special. I love them. Thank you."
"You're so welcome," she said.
"So how are you?" I asked, realizing that I wasn't ready to let her go just yet. I wanted more of her.
"Fine. I'm fine," she said somewhat hesitantly.
"What has been going on in your life?" I asked, referring to Dex, but also everything else.
"Well… I paid off my loans finally, and quit my job. I do legal work for an AIDS foundation in Brooklyn now."
"That's great," I said. "I know you must be much happier."
"Yeah. I like it a lot," she said. "It's so nice not to worry about billable hours… And the commute's not too bad."
I could tell she was avoiding any mention of Dex, so after another few seconds of silence, I said, "So you and Dex are doing well?"
I wanted to show her I was fine with the status quo. And although it still felt funny to think of them together, I really was remarkably okay with things. How could I begrudge anyone happiness when I felt so fulfilled and contented?
She made an umm sound, hesitated, and then said, "Didn't Ethan tell you?"
"About your engagement?" I guessed.
"Um… well, actually… Dex and I are… married," Rachel said softly. "We got married yesterday."