“Look, I don’t need your reassurances.” I pulled away from his hold and faced him head on.
“Fine, my mistake,” he whispered heatedly. “But I’m going to tell you how beautiful I think you are and what you do to me.” He inched forward, his breath hitting my neck as he spoke low. “Before you let me, and even though I was angry, I thought about touching you every day for a month. You were a dream.” He pressed his lips against my neck and I let out a soft moan. “The most perfect dream,” he whispered. “I thought about the feel of your lips, my tongue in your mouth, my cock stretching you, the look in your eyes as I invaded you. I thought about sucking your tits while I buried myself deep enough, so you would never forget I was inside you. I thought about your ass and how red it could get under my palm. At night as I lay in bed, I thought about nothing but you. I’m so fucking hard for you right now it physically hurts, and I just had you hours ago.”
Without an ounce of fight, he tugged me toward him by pulling my arms around his neck. I licked my lips as his arousal brushed my stomach. Mouth parted, my panties soaked, I threaded my fingers in his hair. Leaning in, he pushed the hair away from my ear as he whispered the rest of his seduction. “And even though I’ve had you, I’ve touched your skin, and buried myself so far inside you that you won’t forget, you’re still a dream for me, so beautiful it hurts.”
We shared a breath and I could feel the frustration and need rolling off him.
He pulled back, demanding my eyes before our mouths met, his tongue diving deep as he fully tasted me. Between his confession and his perfect kiss, I was at his complete mercy. He thrust his tongue deep and I felt his every word match his desire. Returning it with the same fervor, he pulled away when I began to get aggressive. “I want you so much right now.”
“So, take me to bed.”
He shook his head. “It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Like you care.”
“It’s my respect for your father and nothing more.”
“Okay.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll make myself scarce.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Koti,” his face twisted in regret. “I want to. I have to.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling my heart sink a little at his admission. But there were unspoken rules and he was holding us both to them. This was a family matter and highly personal. He wasn’t mine to claim, he didn’t want to be involved and he was making it known.
“I can’t do this with you.” That admission left a crack in my chest.
“I know.”
“Damnit.” He ripped his arms away and instantly I felt cold. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“I understa…” but before the words left my lips, he was through the door to his room and I felt the finality as he softly shut it behind him.
Could Ian and I be more?
I had my answer.
“WHAT’S WRONG?”
Jasmine peered down at me as I entered the office mid-afternoon the next day. I explained I would be late due to the unexpected visit from my parents.
“I told you, my mother is here, need I say more?”
“She can’t be that bad.”
I shrugged. “She’s not unless she decides to bring up my future, and she always does. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to miss work to have breakfast with her, it was a massacre. My dad had to practically peel her off me so I could get to my Jeep.”
“She needs a hobby,” Jasmine frowned. “You aren’t a project.”
“Tell that to her,” I said as I sat defeated in my chair. Ian was gone when I woke up, no doubt on another run. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and hadn’t slept a single minute. I still felt his lips regardless of his words, but that was the scary part. No matter how transparent he was about our situation I’d ignored it and only saw him. And oh, how I wanted him in every way.
“If it’s okay, I’m going to knock off early to deal with the inevitable fall out, so they can leave.”
“Of course, you can take the day. I told you that on the phone.”
“I had to get out of there for a little while. I need to prepare.”
Her eyes rolled over me in concern. “You think it will be that bad?”
“I do, but I’m tired of running away from the conversation. It’s time.”
“Well, call me if you need me. I’ll drop everything.” She gave me a quick hug before the phone rang. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what happened with Ian. To wait around and see what she had to say on the matter, but inside I knew the truth. He’d laid it out for me and I knew it. I’d be asking Jasmine to give me hope, which would be pointless. He would never be mine to love.
On the porch with my parents later that day, my mother sat expectantly. “So, you won’t come back and you’re determined to stay here? Why?”
Ian had made himself scarce as promised and I couldn’t help my wandering eyes as I searched the beach every so often for a sign of him. The renters had left that morning and I was sure he’d resumed residence at his house.
“I’m happy here.”
“You’re wasting your life,” she argued, “your potential.”
“I’m saving my fucking life,” I snapped before my father shot me a warning look.
“Easy, Koti.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat. “I’m happy here. Why can’t that mean anything?”
She glanced at my dad for backup and got none. I could already see the war brewing that she would wage on him later.
“It does mean something. It means a lot that you’ve finally pulled yourself together and now you can come back swinging.”
“This isn’t a resurrection, Mother. I’m not coming back for another round, I’ve accepted defeat as far as that goes and I wish you would too. I can’t hack it out there, not in that world and not in that atmosphere. I have limitations, and I’m learning to deal with them.”
“I can’t believe you’re hiding behind that excuse,” she said incredulously. “We all have our stresses.”
“You’ve talked to my therapist, Mom. You know I have it a little bit harder than that.”
“It’s an excuse.”
I was on my feet instantly. “You have no idea what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning while life goes on around you, while people smile like they don’t have a care in the world, while you’re struggling to breathe! You have no idea!”
My mother bared her teeth. “Calm down.”
I took a deep breath. “That’s just it, Mother,” I said with defeat, my bones aching from the emotions she stirred. “Sometimes I can’t calm down until I’m so weak I can’t move. You made an imperfect daughter—deal with it already. I’m tired of trying to explain it to you.”
She looked at my father for more backup and he finally stepped in.
“Blair, listen to her. She’s happy.”
She shot daggers at him. “We agreed.”
“We also agreed to hear her out.” My father let out a heavy sigh as he looked over to me. His rehearsed question coming out as an obligation. “You won’t even consider coming back?”
“No, Dad. I love New York but it’s too hard for me. I won’t go back to live in a place I can’t breathe in. This is my life. I’m happy with it. The sooner you two accept it, the better.”
“I’m selling this house,” my mother stated plainly. “You can hide somewhere else.”
“I was hiding in New York, Mom. This is who I am.”
“We spent all that money on education, prep schools, what the hell was the point?” She argued, ruthlessly reminding me of the trouble she’d gone through to raise me.
“Maybe it was so she could figure this out on her own. Jesus Blair, give her some credit. She suffered for all those years just to please us, can’t you see that?” My father had taken a side and from the look on her face, it wasn’t the right one. “And you’re not selling this goddamn house.”
I felt the earth shift as he defied my mother and my pulse began to kick up.
“What in the hell did you just say?” She paled as he leaned forward, his face defiant.
“You heard me. Her happiness comes first, just like yours has for the last thirty-four years of our lives. I won’t let you alienate our little girl. This whole situation is your doing.”