“The look on your face Lauren, it only took you a split second of looking from me to her and you knew, no one else would have guessed that, but you did and I feel ashamed for what you went through back there, I can only imagine how much that must have hurt. I could see it in the look on your face, I never want to be responsible for that look again, and I am so sorry that happened baby, I wish I had never set eyes on the woman but I can't change things, it happened and when I very least expected it to, my past has come back to bite me on the arse and I'm sorry that you had to be involved, I would do anything for that not to be the case. Anything but it is what it is and I can’t change it, I’m a fuck up Lauren, it was wrong, what I did, was wrong, I knew she was married” Again he rakes his hand through his hair with one hand and leans onto the balcony with the other “I don’t want to lose you over this Lauren but I’m glad you know, I wish you had found out differently but I’m glad you know, I don’t want there to be secrets between us, total honesty Lauren, always”
I say nothing, digesting, absorbing all that he's just told me. I've had nearly naked sixteen year old boys in my house, I know firsthand how hot they can be and how cheeky and charming, the things they say to try and impress, what's the term my boys use? Flanter. Flirty Banter, equals Flanter. Teenage boys, they say things, they push their luck, but for fucks suck I've never acted on it. Her children are similar ages to mine; her son must be just a few years younger than Gabe, that's just wrong, so wrong. I know Gabe was wrong for having an affair with a married woman but if he’s telling the truth, which I think he is, she was an older, married woman and she pursued him, he’s not blameless but he’s not entirely to blame either; all said and done, what happened today isn’t Gabe’s fault, it’s not Karen’s fault and I can't change what happened in the past; today was unfortunate but its old news, so, where to now, how do we move on? I don't want to be jealous. But I am, I can't help it, he's hot and fucking gorgeous, and I hate other women looking at him as much as I love it, it would be different if I could say ‘Fuck of bitch, he’s mine’ but I can’t, because I don’t know yet that he is. I want to trust him. I do trust him, I think. But I do not trust other women. I find him irresistible and I am pretty sure every other woman with a pulse does too!
“I don't want you working there” Is all I can think of saying.
“Lauren, I wouldn't be working there, I don't know what you think I do but most of my work is done either from the office or I am moving from site to site, I don’t do the hands on stuff anymore” He raises his eyebrows and smirks a little as he says this, yeah I get it, hands on, you’re a funny fucker Wilde and yes you have just totally turned me on, just with words, again. My skin burns.
“I will send someone out to price the job up and a project manager to run things, I am interested in getting the work because her husbands a celebrity and it gets our name out there but I don't have to have any direct contact with her for that to happen”
I'm hot, in a too much sun kind of way, not a sex kind of way, well yeah, a sex kind of way too, the hands on thing got that going, but I am also extremely pissed off, with him, with her, with myself. Today started off so beautifully and now I just feel ... bla. It's like every day there's something and we've only been together a week. A week, what a week, a complete roller coaster of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. My world has been turned on its head and for some reason; don't ask me why, I suddenly wonder how Jason is doing.
If I'm feeling shit despite having Gabe by my side... Although right now I’m really not sure if he's a help or a hindrance to my emotional state....if I have Gabe and still feel like this and Jay has no one, how must he be feeling? My world is so totally fucked up.
I walk through the house, go down to the pool, take off all my clothes and jump in. I stay under the water until my lungs burn and feel like they will burst; when I surface Gabe is on the side about to jump in.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He shouts at me, he has an almost frantic look on his face.
“It’s freezing in there Lauren, the solar’s not been on, grow the fuck up and get out”
I really can't be bothered to answer him, I'm drained, exhausted, my brain needs to have a rest from thinking so I just go under again.
I swim up and down until I feel considerably calmer. I'm still pissed off but not as much as I was. As I calm, I remember I'm naked, I want to get out but I don't want to give him an eyeful, he doesn't deserve it, well he might but I'm feeling petulant and don't want him to. Gabe’s lying up the wrong way on a sun lounger watching me, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth now, he’s obviously calmer now too. My clothes are lying in a pile right in front of him, there's no way I'm getting out and standing there naked. He's lying on his belly, with his hands under his chin. He knows I'm fucked so I call out
“Would you please get me a towel?”
The fucker shakes his head. Okay so don’t, I'll just keep swimming. There are clouds beginning to gather in the sky now and the wind is getting up. A cool change is forecast for tonight and I can feel it in the air. I swim up and down a couple of more times,
“Are you not getting cold Lauren and tired?” He asks with the hint of a smile on his face, he knows I’m probably cold, my lips are probably blue, both pairs.
“No, I'm fine”
“Would you like me to get you a towel?”
“No thanks, you can poke your towel up your arse. When you go in, I'll get out” he smiles and shakes his head,