“Just shut the fuck up Gabe, just for once, please, just shut up, I really don’t want to hear it” I am screaming like a banshee, tears streaming down my face, at least this time they have good reason to be crying.
He does as I say and drives home in silence. I stare out of the window trying to organise my thoughts so they don’t leave my mouth as a garbled incoherent mess, when my capability to speak returns that is. I actually don’t know if I want to laugh or cry and all that's going through my head, over and over is, unfuckinbelievable!
I go straight to the fridge and pour myself a wine. I pass him out a beer, I would really like to smash it over his fucking head right now. But, but that's really not the done thing is it. Is it?
“Lauren, please let me explain, it was a long, long time ago”
I walk away and he follows. I go to the bedroom and take his cigarettes out of his draw and go out onto the veranda to smoke. He takes one from the pack and joins me.
“You fucked her didn't you?”
“Please Lauren”
“Just answer me Gabe DID YOU FUCK HER?” I shout, loudly
His silence speaks volumes.
“So what? Should I be worried? Is there still something there? Why was her face flushed and make up smudged, what were you doing out in the back yard?”
“What? Nothing, talking, she was embarrassed, she cried and fuck Lauren no, you don't need to worry, there's nothing there, for her or any other woman, there's only you, you’re all I want, all I need, I told you earlier, your my life now. I was sixteen for Christ sake, it was nothing”
“Well judging by the look on her face, it was much more than nothing Gabe, especially in light of the fact that it was such a long time ago. I would say, wouldn't you?”
I’m pacing up and down the balcony as we speak. Am I making too much of this? It was a long time ago and just pure coincidence that they met up today, it’s not like he sought her out or anything. Am I making excuses for him, like I used to with Jay and his little slaps and put downs, fuck no, I am not going down that path again.
“It was nothing, it meant nothing, it is nothing to me, she meant nothing, and she means nothing to me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you”