I hang up before he can abuse me anymore, he calls back instantly.
Jo pours me a wine as I say to her. “Shit he knows I'm with one of you girls now, I bet he comes back round looking for me”
“Let him” she says “I'm more than ready for him and if he wants to make trouble, I'll quite happily call the police”
We drink our wine as my phone vibrates continuously, in the end; out of frustration I answer it,
“For fucks sake what?” I ask...
“What are we going to tell the boys?” He asks quietly
“Dya know what Jay…..Tell them what the fuck you like, you caused this, so how about you tell them the truth, tell them exactly what you've done to me, tell your sons that you fucked around with other women and that you hit me, that should earn you the respect you deserve from your boys, I’m sure they will be so proud of their dad. Now leave me the fuck alone, I'm turning my phone off so you won't get through any way”
“Lauren….I’m sorry, I am sorry, it was nothing, she, was nothing”
“That just makes it worse Jay…you were prepared to lose me for someone and something that means nothing to you and I will never forgive you for that”
I do as I say, hang up and switch off but then I think of the boys, they need to know the truth so I ring each one in turn. Sonny surprises me, telling me I should of done it years ago, Ryder is a little more defensive of his dad and wants to know why we can't try and work things out. I explain what my injuries are and that he has cheated on me and that this is something I can’t forgive, we both cry. I knew he would take it hard and I feel so bad for my baby, despite his age, that’s what he is and always will be, my baby, and my job is to protect him from shit, not to be the cause of it.
By the time I finish with my calls its 7.30 and I'm restless, anxious and feeling guilty for the pain I am causing my family by my choices but what options do I have? As well as all of the guilt bearing down on me, there’s something else, something I can’t put my finger on. What, what else is it that I'm feeling? Whatever it is, I know that Gabe is the cause and it’s really unsettling me.
“You hungry?” asks Jo
“Not really”
“Well you've not really eaten since yesterday, you should try and eat something, I noticed when I saw you Friday that you've lost MORE weight”
“Yes I am aware of that, Jemma is already champion of that cause, and I’m not exactly wasting away am I? Cook me something then if you’re that concerned and I will eat it”
I know full well, there is no way that will happen. Jo doesn't do domestic!
My phone vibrates in my hand and makes me jump, Jesus, I wince as it causes a pain in my ribs. It’s Gabe. The pain suddenly eases somewhat as I answer to his voice
“Baby, I've missed you” Pain...What pain?
“Can you please help me Gabe, Jo is trying to feed me and make me fat and I've told her I have this hot new toy boy, who I have to stay sylph like for but she won't listen to me”
“Eat Lauren, your hot new toy boy doesn't like skinny Sheila’s, he likes his woman with curves” he replies
“But there's nothing here to cook, Jo doesn't do real food at home, she only does dips and chips and shit and as much as I like Humus, There is only so much a girl can eat of the stuff, Jo only does real food at restaurants and my face ain’t quite restaurant ready”
Jo starts to object and opens the fridge and then the freezer doors, nothing except bread and milk. She shrugs and says
“She's right Gabe…no food here”
“Well do you want me to bring something over for you? What do you fancy, apart from me of course, that’s if you want me to come over?...Which of course you do, because I’m irresistible and it’s been aww five hours or so since your last fix so I know you must be missing me” I can hear the smile in his voice... And it makes me smile…more than I already am, I realise I have stood up from the table and am pacing around the kitchen, twirling my hair around my fingers…. Of course I want him to come over, of course I miss him, of course I need me a little Gabe fix, I just want him full stop. It has only been a few hours since I've seen him but I'm as desperate as a love sick teenager for his company.
“You are very sure of yourself Mr Wilde; I’m hungry so as long as you bring food you are more than welcome to come over”
“What should I bring Lauren, apart from myself?”
“Well apart from you, I can't think of anything else .... Surprise me”