They exchanged a quick hello and then I had to get to my appointment.
I led Lucas into the Sixth Form building and headed to Mrs Baker’s office. There were seats outside so Luke sat down and grinned up at me. He looked proud and although I liked that it felt loaded. If he was proud of me I could let him down and I didn’t need that responsibility.
“Tegan, welcome back,” Mrs Baker said, opening the door. She stepped aside and let me in. I didn’t look back at Lucas because I couldn’t handle it right now. I already felt the weight of not disappointing him, something that would probably happen eventually, crushing me.
She sat at her scratched-to—hell desk and I sat on the faded red chair opposite.
“How have you been?” she asked, tilting her head.
Seriously, if I had a pound for every time I’d heard that…
“I’m doing okay,” I replied. “I’d like to start back as soon as possible. Do you think my teachers would give me the work I missed?” I asked.
She smiled, pushing her bleached blonde hair behind her ears. “We’re getting straight to it, I see.” Yeah, I didn’t want sympathetic small talk. “Of course we can arrange to get you the missed work. Catching up isn’t going to be easy. I’ve compiled a list of what you’d need to do and it’s a lot. We’re all behind you though, and I have no doubt that you can do it. Now because you’ve missed so much I suggest you drop one subject now and stick with the three you want to take through to A level. That’s Psychology and taking Music, English Literature and Sociology, yes?”
I nodded. I still wasn’t sure on Music. A few months ago that was the only one I was one hundred per cent sure of. Something was forcing me to stick with it and I liked to think it was Dad.
“Alright. Well, it’s half term break next week so why don’t I get you some work posted to your house to complete over the break and can come back the Monday after with whatever you’ve completed.”
This was getting real.
I licked my lips. “Okay.”
“Now, your first period is free so if you come straight here Monday morning we’ll use that hour to go through everything that you may still need to do.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, Tegan. I can’t tell you how pleased we all are that you’ve decided to come back. You’re a bright young girl and it’d be a shame to see that potential go to waste.”
I didn’t feel bright, capable or full of potential, not anymore.
“Thanks,” I repeated, not really knowing what else to say.
She nodded and clapped her hands together. “Well, we’ll see you on Monday then.”
I stood up. “You will.”
“Have a good weekend, Tegan.”
“You, too.”
I left as quickly as I could so I wouldn’t change my mind. Lucas was on his feet the second I opened the door.
“That was quick,” he said.
“Yep. Going back on Monday.”
“That’s great,” he said like it was the answer to all my problems. If he thought that was suddenly going to make everything alright again he was going to be hugely disappointed. I already felt like I’d let him down.
***
“You guys ready?” Jake asked, tapping his foot on the floor.
“Yes!” I replied, squirming as Lucas kissed my neck. Me, Lucas, Jake, Grace and Ava were going to Robbie and Gino’s pub. Kai, Holly and James were going to be there, too, so it was guaranteed to be a good night.
“Bella!” Gino shouted as I walked through the door. God, I loved that man.
“Hey, Gino.”
I hugged James and Holly while Lucas, Jake, Grace and Ava sat at the bar ordering drinks. Jake and Grace liked me about as much as Ava did. They put up with me but I could see in their eyes they wanted Lucas to run. He probably should.
“Where’s Kai?” I asked.
“Pissing,” James replied.
I turned my nose up. “Lovely. Thanks.”
James shrugged and walked off to the pool table.
“Want to play doubles?” Holly asked, nodding to the table.
“Um, in a minute I will.” Probably shouldn’t leave everyone five seconds after walking through the door.
“Okay,” she said and walked over to James.
I turned around just as Kai came out of the bathroom. He smiled and winked as he saw me. I felt like I could breathe again. There was at least one person that wasn’t actively trying to change me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kai
I walked out of the bathroom and my eyes instantly fell on Tegan – like fucking always. She looked stunning – like fucking always. I couldn’t believe she was self-conscious about how she looked. But I knew what it was like to be so broken you didn’t feel there was anything good about yourself anymore.
She looked up and smiled. Yeah, just friends isn’t enough.