“Hi,” I said.
Nan saved me from the awkwardness by crushing me next. “How have you been, darling?” she asked, playing with one of my curls.
I wasn’t even sure of that. I was lost, drowning, empty, and angry. Take your pick.
“I’m fine, Nan. Do you want a drink?” I didn’t wait for her answer before going into the kitchen to get her the glass of red wine I knew she would want. Two minutes in and I was ready for everyone to leave.
Once our family, Ava’s friends, and Sophie and Adam had arrived, I knew the next time the doorbell rang it would be Lucas and his family. Kai said he’d pop in but it probably wouldn’t be until later.
Ava shouldn’t have invited them. I wanted to see Lucas again but I also didn’t. Everything would be easier if we just stayed away from each other. All I needed was to be able to keep everyone at a safe distance until a miracle happened and I was suddenly okay again.
I sat at the kitchen island with Sophie and Adam, trying to listen to what they were saying when I was far too on edge to take anything in. I missed being carefree and laughing every five seconds like that.
My family were mingling in the kitchen and living room like everything was fine and dandy and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I felt like I was on the outside looking in at a life I’d never have anymore. I didn’t fit into the family.
“Tegan?” Adam said, waving his hand in front of my face. His expression said it all: Lucas and his family were here. Now I really wanted to run. Sophie and Adam only knew of them, but they thought it was strange that Mum and Ava wanted to spend time with them, too.
I took a deep breath and looked up. They were all there, speaking to Ava. Lucas was doing a bad job of pretending he hadn’t seen me already. Why him? Why did I have to like him?
Finally, when he must have felt it was long enough, he looked over and our eyes met. He gave me a small, almost sad smile and I felt guilty. I hated that. I didn’t want to feel anything. I wanted to stay in the zombie state indefinitely.
“I’m gonna go say hi,” I said to Adam and Sophie. They nodded, watching the Daniels with interest.
Me and Lucas had agreed to be friends so I should treat him like one, that involved actually talking to him face to face. With that in mind, I poured two glasses of the punch and walked over, handing him a cup.
“Much better than beer,” I said, smiling.
He gave me a breathtaking smile and his blue eyes warmed. “Yeah? What’s in it?” he asked, looking into the cup and frowning. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the most appealing colour. It was red when Mum made it but when I’d added more alcohol and then a bit more still it kinda went a light orange-pink colour.
“I’ll tell you after you’ve tried it.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Poison?”
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the cup out of his hand, took a sip and gave it back. My God, there was a lot of alcohol in there, burning as it slid down my throat. I managed not to pull a face, though. “There. Satisfied?”
“Fine,” he said and brought the cup up to his lips. “Shit, Tegan, what the hell is in it?” he asked, turning his nose up.
“Just a little vodka,” I replied.
“A little!”
Alright, this was going well. We could do the friend thing.
I introduced Lucas, Grace and Jake to Adam and Sophie but before long Jake had gone off to sit with his dad in the living room and Grace was integrated into Ava’s group of friends. That was fine by me, I got the impression that Lucas’s brother and sister weren’t my biggest fans.
I felt myself relaxing around Lucas even more. He could be a little intense and wasn’t at all subtle but that wasn’t exactly a bad quality. It just wasn’t what I needed right now.
Sophie’s eyebrow raised when Kai walked into the kitchen. The little cow was definitely loving the tension so I had a feeling Kai turning up was like Christmas to her.
“Hey,” Kai said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and smiling at me. He so had that cheeky, almost bad boy, image about him.
“Hey back. Want a drink?”
“Boring one, please, I’m driving.”
I grabbed Kai a coke and he joined us around the kitchen island.
“Lucas, this is Kai. Kai, Lucas.”
“Hey,” Kai said.
Lucas’s hi was no more than a grunt. Things had finally settled down so I really didn’t want the evening to get awkward. I felt like I should explain to Kai who Lucas was but I hadn’t told him about my dad yet and I didn’t want to have that conversation right now. Or ever, actually.
“I like the addition,” I said, pointing to the healing birds on Kai’s arm.
“Thanks,” he replied.
I downed the last of my drink and got a refill. Maybe I should have thought through inviting Kai. He was the one person that didn’t know what had happened. He was the only person I had in my life that I didn’t see sympathy from. That was so valuable to me and if someone said something or if he overheard that could be gone.