“I don’t speak girl, Grace.”
“Come on, Lucas. Alison and Ava said she completely shut herself off when Simon died. She wouldn’t deal with anything, she hasn’t cried since before his funeral. She goes out, gets drunk and parties all the time. She won’t sing or play the piano anymore. She’s pushing everything and everyone away because it’s too painful. You make her feel something, which scares her because it means she will have to deal with everything and she’s not ready. That’s why she’s keeping you at a distance.” She broke into a huge smile. “God, I’m good.”
“Right,” I replied slowly. “Okay. I guess that makes sense. I just have no idea what to do next. Should I call her?”
“You got it bad, haven’t ya?” she sang annoyingly.
“Just shut up and tell me what to do.”
Grace laughed and punched my arm. I did have it bad, though. No girl had ever made me feel like this before. It was stupid and frustrating but it wasn’t something I had any control over.
“I wouldn’t call her, she might not appreciate that and it would put her on the spot. Text her.”
“Okay, I’ll give that a try. Thanks, Grace.”
“Anytime.” She smiled and stood up to leave. “Oh, and the hand?”
“Punched the wall.”
“Of course you did. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
As soon as she left I picked up my phone and stared at it, trying to decide on what to write. After pacing the room for a while I forced myself to send the message.
‘Hey, are you ok? I really need to talk about before. Lucas’
I pressed send and instantly regretted it. That was lame. Sighing, I ran my hands over my face and waited for her reply. A reply I wasn’t at all convinced I’d ever get.
Grace returned to my room a few minutes later with an ice pack for my swollen hand. “She replied yet?” she asked, placing the pack over my knuckles.
“Thanks. No, not yet.”
“No probs. And, hey, I’m sure she’ll reply soon.”
“Yeah, not sure I wanna hear it again, though.”
My phone beeped in my hand making me jump a little, her name showed up on the screen. Christ, I was nervous to open it, imagining two words that were probably waiting for me: Fuck off.
‘I’m fine. I’m sorry, I can’t.’
I stared at the text for a while. That was exactly what I expected but it still made me feel like shit.
“Well, what did she say?” I handed the phone to Grace without looking up. “Ah, I’m sorry, Luke. Just give her some time if she’s really what you want?” She put the phone down on the bed and smiled sympathetically.
“She is what I want.” I wished she wasn’t. She wasn’t supposed to be, I was just meant to help her but it’d gone beyond that. “It’s fine, I can wait until she’s ready.”
“Glad to hear it because under the tough exterior, from what I’ve heard of the old her, she’s a good girl.”
Chapter Fourteen
Tegan
Today was Ava’s birthday and I was helping to set up for a small party she was having. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t want anything big, just family and a few close friends over. Dad was big on birthdays but everything was different now. It felt wrong to celebrate anything at all.
Our living room was decorated with red and white balloons, a large HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner and streamers. Two big plastic bowls of punch sat on the kitchen island, one non-alcoholic and the other swimming with half a bottle of vodka.
Among Ava’s guests were Lucas and his family. The thought of seeing him again made me feel nauseous, nervous, and a little bit excited. The last time we saw each other didn’t end well. Although we’d exchanged a couple of texts, it would probably still be awkward. After all, I did turn him down and run away. I hoped he understood why that was, though. I couldn’t open the door in case everything I wanted to shut out came pouring in, too.
“Are we all done now?” I asked. “I need to get ready.”
“Yes, I think so,” Mum replied. “Nan and Grandad will be here soon so don’t take too long.”
Did that matter? It wasn’t my birthday so they didn’t need to see me right away. “Sure,” I said as I walked out of the kitchen.
I got dressed in my own time, hearing my grandparents fuss over me because of Dad was about the last thing in the world I fucking wanted. Knowing Mum would freak if I wore anything above the knee – not that I wanted to a family function – I changed into a full-length sundress and curled my hair. I think I looked presentable and I didn’t really care if no one else did.
When I got downstairs my grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousin had just arrived and were wishing my sister a happy birthday.
Show time. I forced a smile.
My uncle looked for me first, he looked so similar to Dad I wanted to run back upstairs. Uncle Sam opened his arms for a hug. I let him but my body was too rigid. “Hey, Tegan,” he said, giving me a much more brief hug than usual. I think he felt my resistance.