I stripped, threw on the closest pyjamas and got into bed. My phone rang just as I’d settled down and wrapped the quilt around myself.
“Hey, princess, you left your bra here,” Kai said.
I laughed and rolled my closed eyes. “Yeah, I left it for you.”
“Kinky. You sound tired, I’ll go and speak to you tomorrow.”
Seriously, he called just to say that? “K, bye, Kai,” I mumbled and laughed. “That rhymed. Your name rhymes with bye. Okay, yeah, I really need sleep. Night.” I hung up to the sound of him laughing and felt myself drifting as soon as I shut my eyes.
***
I woke up at eight and rolled over expecting Lucas to be there but, of course, he wasn’t. I needed to get over him soon because missing him was a bitch.
After showering and shoving the rest of my things in my bag, I left the house. I was on my way to visit Dad before my camping trip with Kai and his family.
School was over for the summer holidays, I’d managed to catch up but next year was my final year so I had to keep my head down and not miss any time. I was going to use the summer to hopefully get myself straight so boy drama didn’t interfere with my A levels. School still wasn’t something I enjoyed. I’d done a good job of alienating most people so I kept to myself a lot but that was fine by me.
Mum and Ava were still in bed and I was meeting them for breakfast and then heading to Kai’s.
“Hey, Dad,” I whispered as I sat down facing his headstone. I still felt like I was drowning somewhat but it was getting easier every time I came.
“So, I’m going camping today. I know you’re probably laughing right now.” I realised I was smiling, not something I did here all that much. “I didn’t think I’d ever go either but Kai needs someone right now and I know how that feels.”
Dad would be laughing about me sleeping in the great outdoors, making jokes and telling me horror stories.
“I miss you so much, Dad. I hate it at home without you. It’s too quiet. I wish I hadn’t gone to bed early that night.” I took a deep breath, swallowing razor blades. I didn’t want to cry here all the time. I needed to change the subject. “I called Lucas again a while ago. It did not go well. I’m doing what you would’ve told me to do and moving on. Maybe we can be friends one day if we can speak for longer than five minutes without arguing. I kinda miss talking to him, so I hope we can sort things out.”
I continued talking to Dad for almost half an hour. It felt nice to be able to talk to him again. It wasn’t the same and it would never fill the void, but I felt close to him again and not just because I was physically close to where his body rested.
“I have to go now. Mum’s taking me and Ava for a late breakfast before I go and you know how much she’ll moan if I’m late.” I stood up and cautiously put my hand on his headstone. It was cold and sent a chill down my spine. I pulled back quickly and gulped.
Don’t think about it.
“Sorry, Dad,” I mumbled, embarrassed by my reaction. “I love you and I’ll come back soon… If I make it out of the forest alive,” I said, laughing to myself, knowing he would’ve laughed with me. He might’ve even thrown in a wolf attack statistic for good measure, too.
Mum and Ava were waiting in the car when I arrived home. That was never a good sign. I got in the car and grimaced. “Sorry I’m late.” Sorry I’m late. Wow, it had been a very long time since I’d apologised for being late.
Mum visibly relaxed. “Everything okay? You talked about everything you needed to?” she asked, looking at me through the mirror.
“Yeah. It was…good.” I didn’t really know how else to describe it. It wasn’t really ‘good’ but it wasn’t as heart wrenchingly painful as it was when we first buried him.
“That’s great, sweetheart.”
“I’m proud of ya,” Ava said. “I’m seeing more and more of my annoying little sister every day.”
“Thanks,” I replied sarcastically. Honestly, I was, too. It was nice to feel more like myself.
She laughed. “I’m kidding. It feels good to be… I don’t know, normal isn’t the right word.”
“It’s okay, I think I know what you mean.”
“Well, you two ready for breakfast then?” Mum asked, already backing the car out of the drive. She had a tear in her eye but it wasn’t a sad one. She was happy. I was sort of happy, too, I think. Well, I didn’t feel in the deep end and unable to swim anymore so it was a big improvement.
In the restaurant Mum cleared her throat and set her tea down. “So, there’s something I want to tell you two.” She looked nervous. I felt sick. Did she have another man? The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was all ready to freak the fuck out at her and defend Dad.
“What?” I asked, pressing my fisted hands into my lap.
“I’ve decided to open a boutique, just like I’ve always wanted to.”
Air left my lungs in one big relieved rush.